I saw him pick up his duffel bag, turn and shuffle away. My heart ached as I closed the door. The night air was crisp and cold and the weatherman promised it would get colder. It might snow, even. It was one of the toughest choices I’ve made. 

I didn’t let him in. I didn’t promise a warm bed or even a hot cup of coffee. I couldn’t. I’d been down this road many times before and it always ended up the same. He’d go, leaving more questions than answers in his wake. I needed to protect my toddler’s emotional and physical safety. As hard as it was to turn him away, I knew I must.

Am I ever directed to send someone on their way instead of being hospitable? Is it possible that God would tell me not to help someone? Sometimes, yes.

Don’t Help Him

The Bible tells us to help those in need (Luke 6:30, 35-36, among many other verses), but not everyone in need. We must discern the Lord’s will (Matthew 10:16) in each case. We have to take into account the good of those we care for as well as the good of the person in need.

The fumbling, the cadence of his voice and the stumbling made me realize that he’d once more slipped back into alcoholism. It was clear that he wanted a place to stay, but to protect my son and myself, I made my decision to close the door. 

I could’ve let him stay. I could’ve offered a warm bed. If I did, two things would have happened. One, I would be enabling his addiction by not allowing him to feel the natural consequences. Two, I would have announced that my home was open to him as he wanted. He would leave to drink again. The instability of his coming and going would wreak havoc on my emotions and those of my son.

I had to protect us first. Allowing him into my home would not help him or us. It wasn’t easy and I didn’t want to turn him away. Through prayer and discernment, I came to what I believe was the right decision.

An article on GotQuestions? explains the reason I must be discerning. “There are people who want to live an irresponsible lifestyle with absolutely no accountability,” it says. “So there must be limits; we will help someone with a need, but if we see that it’s become a chronic life pattern, it’s wrong for us to continue to encourage that. It’s very harmful to others to contribute to their indolence, laziness, and lack of effort.” 

I would add addictions to that list. That’s a “chronic life pattern.” I care for him. He needs help. What does God want me to do for his good, as well as my own and my toddler’s? That night, it was closing the door.

Discernment Through Prayer 

The key to understanding whom to help and whom to send on their way must be Christian discernment through prayer. If I ask God for wisdom, the Bible says He will provide (James 1:5). He will direct my paths, if I but seek His will.

God may send His direction through a check from the Holy Spirit. It may come from previous knowledge based on answered prayers or a godly friend who shares biblical principles that never change. If I seek His will, God will lead me down the right path. He is faithful and never fails me.

The decision I made that night will stay with me forever. I’ll remember the unshaven face filled with disappointment that I didn’t offer a place to stay. I’ll remember his stiffness as I attempted to give him a hug. “I’m sorry you’ve chosen this path,” I said. And I am. But as a mother, I turned him away. I prayed to God for his safety. He is in God’s hands.