The Mueller Report Comes Out Tomorrow: Let Me Save You the Time

If you want to get a jump on your long Easter weekend, here's tomorrow's news about the Mueller Report today.

By Al Perrotta Published on April 17, 2019

First off, let me say the only report this week that has any true meaning is the report “He Has Risen.”

That said, and in order to help folks get a head start on their Resurrection Weekend, I wish to provide a summary of tomorrow’s Mueller Report today. And so media folks won’t feel left out, I’ll toss in some responses to the Mueller Report so their writers can get a jump on the long weekend as well.

“Mueller Report Offers Proof of Trump-Russia Collusion!”

The cable news chyrons are already written: “Mueller Report Offers Proof of Trump-Russia Collusion”

Of course, proof of Trump-Russia collusion won’t actually be anywhere in the report. In fact, Robert Mueller will go into great detail how there wasn’t any collusion.

He’ll detail the extent his team went to find collusion for a couple reasons: First, he has to show where about $35 million in tax dollars went for this boondoggle. And second, if he doesn’t mention every rock looked under from Trump Tower to the Bolshoi Ballet, the Dems will be riding his tail every mile back into retirement. Mueller’s no dummy.

Second, prosecutor Andrew Weissman — Mueller’s Luca Brasi — is still ticked that he didn’t get to toast Hillary’s victory election night. He would have worked overtime trying to find what Peter Strzok, to his great sorrow, couldn’t. Proof of collusion. And he will ensure there are enough crumbs left in the report to keep his media allies feeding for weeks.

Those allies will ignore the much more juicy morsels about how the Trump campaign rejected overtures for help from Russians.

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Why will they forsake proof that the Trump campaign rejected Russian offers, to embrace scant evidence of Trump-Russia Collusion? For one thing, neither Democratic politicians nor the mainstream media has the guts or humility to say “We were wrong. We apologize to the President.” For another, they assume their viewers and voters won’t actually bother to read the report themselves … and certainly won’t believe anybody who says there’s no there there.

Even if Robert Mueller testifies under oath before Congress and pinkie-swears, then screams “No collusion! No collusion” with the fervor of Bobby Knight, CNN talking heads will still paint Trump as a Russian stooge. We will hear the stage whispers, “Trump got to Mueller. Mueller’s one of them.”

The media must dirty up Trump as much as possible before further shoes drop on the Obama Admin’s black op against his campaign. Want to see what those shoes look like? Check out John Solomon’s new article “Ten Post Mueller Questions That Could Turn the Tables on Russia Collusion.”

Mueller Will Lay Out What the Russians Actually Did

Robert Mueller will detail what Russians actually did during the 2016 election. Most of the basics we know already from the charges filed earlier. And yeah, we do want to know. (Just like we want to know exactly what the Ukrainians did to help Hillary.)

What will be fun to watch is how $46,000 in Facebook ads will be seen by the TDS crowd as evidence of how the Russians tilted the election to Trump. After all, even AOC can figure out that $46,000 is far less than the $700 million Hillary spent during the campaign.

“Trump Obstructed Justice!!!!”

The Trump-Russia Collusion story was no simple hoax. It was a detailed intelligence community/White House operation to spy on, then sabotage Donald Trump. For those who do not accept this yet, I’m sorry. But it’s time to put on your big boy pants.

But what about Trump obstructing justice?

Since Trump wasn’t charged it is not clear how much Mueller can write about it without violating Trump’s right to due process.

However, let’s assume Mueller’s report does delve into possible obstruction of justice. The first issue is what Barr talked about in his four-page letter: How can you charge someone with obstructing justice — interfering with the investigation of a crime — if there wasn’t a crime?

It’s like a ref penalizing a player for delay of game when no game is being played.

Still, that won’t stop Andrew Weissman and friends. Apparently, they’ve been arguing you can charge someone with obstruction even if there isn’t an underlying crime. Think that’s the dumbest thing you ever heard?

Well, we know Weissman isn’t above such “creativity.” Keep in mind: Weissman charged Michael Flynn with lying to the FBI even though the FBI agents who interviewed him didn’t think he lied … and Flynn “lied” about something he had zero reason to lie about in the first place … and the only reason we know about Flynn’s conversation with the Russian ambassador is that his name was illegally unmasked.

Weissman got Flynn to plead guilty to the lying charge by threatening to prosecute him … and more crucially his son … with assorted other charges. Even the judge thought the plea was coerced, practically begging Flynn to reconsider. Flynn wouldn’t budge. Perhaps because the day before, a colleague of Flynn’s was hit with a host of federal charges. The signal couldn’t have been clearer had Weissman sent Flynn a package of fish wrapped in newspaper.

You don’t think the prosecutor who pulled off that magic trick couldn’t turn Trump moaning and protesting his innocence to anyone within hearing range into “obstruction”? Easy.

And certainly, the snaky Adam Schiff and Eric Swalwell will run to the nearest camera to declare “Proof! Proof! Proof.” They will say that even if Mueller and all the legal minds at the Department of Justice could not find a crime, the President still took actions that warrant impeachment.

It will not matter that Mueller will testify Trump bent over backwards to give them access and documents. That Trump did not claim executive privilege even on documents and conversations Mueller expected him to. No matter. They will twist and bend like Gumby dolls to make the case. And Rachel Maddow will nod in agreement.

The irony being the whole reason anyone shouted “obstruction” in the first place, the one act the triggered this whole Special Counsel business anyway, was the firing of James Comey.

Looking at Comey now — let alone what had the Democrats screaming for his head in 2016 — could you imagine Donald Trump ever firing anybody more sneaky, slippery, shady, self-righteous, self-obsessed, self-serving and deserving?

Well, yeah, Omarosa. But you get the point.


So relax. The Mueller Report will come out tomorrow. There will be hysteria. There will be pontificating. The Trump-hating brigade will tear through its pages with the fervor of a thousand sugar-fueled kids digging for hidden Easter eggs.

Their efforts will signify nothing. Certainly nothing real or lasting.

And then the real fun begins. Because the true story, the real scandal, involves how this mess started in the first place: With the Obama Administration’s setting up and spying on at least one opposition candidate. And then just how far figures from that administration went to sabotage the duly elected President of the United States. A grotesque, even treasonous abuse of power unlike anything this nation has ever experienced.

Enjoy the long Easter weekend. Because come Monday, the real work begins.


Al Perrotta is the Managing Editor of The Stream, and co-author of The Politically Incorrect Guide to Immigration. You can follow him @StreamingAl. And please follow The Stream @streamdotorg

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