The Paris UN conference, known as COP21, is upon us; a darkening gloom gathers; apprehension builds. It was therefore a tense and important moment Sunday at Charles de Gaulle airport when China President Xi Jin-ping stepped off his airplane into a sea of cameras. The Communist-party approved announcer said Xi was in Paris to “combat climate change.”

This is my entry for the Most Asinine Statement About Global Warming. I admit that it has stiff competition. With politicians, bureaucrats, activists and, bottoming out the list, mainstream reporters converging on the City of Light to try and convince the world that the sky has long since fallen, and that the only way to prop it back up is to spend, spend, spend your money, the idiocy is going to fly thick and fast. My humble entry might therefore not appear to stand a chance. But it’s a sure winner, as I’ll prove in a moment.

But first, India’s Prime Minister Narendra Modi, doubtless upset President Xi had scored first, and, eager not to be blamed for a widening asininity gap between these two up-and-coming carbon-fueled economic powerhouses, retorted that the West suffered from “climate imperialism.”

India needs cheap, reliable, plentiful and almost completely harmless coal to survive, let alone compete with its neighbor to the north(east). But politicians and oil companies are gunning for coal, it being the easiest target. India would be in some pretty deep kimchi if it were strong-armed into switching to more expensive energy sources. So Modi wisely had his chief economic adviser float the imperialism phrase. It’s a short-hand way of saying, “Say whatever you want. You got yours, and now we’re going to get ours.” God bless India.

Laurent Fabius, French minister of foreign affairs, and no piker in the silly sayings department, said, “The coffins containing those slain by les voyous ISIS have been removed from the main meeting hall so the global warming conference can start on time.”

Kidding! He actually said negotiators would be browbeaten into signing an agreement that was “universal, legally binding, durable and dynamic.” This sounds imposing, but that’s because the English translation misses the nuances of the original French. A more careful rendition notes that “durable and dynamic” means “the words on le papier will mean whatever we want them to.” Which is not bad news when you think about it.

Community-Organizer-in-Chief Barack Obama said that the global warming conference would be a “rebuke” to the Allahu Akbarists who bloodied the streets of Paris. Surely he’s right about this. In fact, Mr. Obama might have been behind the recently leaked CIA documents containing top secret chatter from terrorist cells embedded in the Syrian refugees he is so intent on importing to our shores.

One transcript ran:

“Hey, Achmed. They’re going through with COP21 even though we killed all those people.”

“I feel so rebuked. I shall never kill again.”

Meanwhile, ignoramuses who couldn’t integrate e^x if you pointed a gun at their heads (and, as we know, this is not now an impossibility) broke an agreement with President Hollande to keep off the streets and ran amok in Paris, taunting les flics to try and stop them. Which the cops were happy to do, squirting tear gas and pepper spray at their large noses.

Now not one of these activists or politicians could tell you why the sky is blue, yet each is certain sure doom is just around the next corner, an apocalypse to be caused by a few stray carbon dioxide molecules released every time we exhale. Their monumental ignorance, coupled with a dose of hubris lethal to ordinary men, is what is causing them to utter such historical stupidities like “We must combat” or “stop climate change.”

Nothing can stop the climate from changing. Nothing. I don’t care how much you care. It doesn’t matter if you confiscated every farthing from every earthing and flung it into the air. It wouldn’t even make a difference if you convinced everybody to jump into a (not-so) giant hole and buried them. The earth’s climate would go right on changing, changing, changing. It cannot be stopped. Not ever.

Whatever comes out of Paris will not make one whit of difference to the climate. To claim that some flimsy piece of paper will stop the unstoppable, or even that we can hold temperatures back 2 degrees C when we can’t even predict what next year will be like, is not science. It is not even science fiction. It is a true French farce.