“People Judge Me Because I’m Pretty,” college student Felicia Czochanski wrote last week in Cosmopolitan, bemoaning her “blonde hair, big hazel eyes, 34DDs, and toned calves.” Czochanski suffers, you see, because of her magnetic beauty, which apparently causes the world to stop each time she walks into a subway station or bagel shop. “Imagine how it feels to have heads turn and all eyes on you when you are simply trying to get to where you need to be…It makes me feel like there is something wrong with me. The scrutiny is never ending.”

Next up, we have Blake Dodge, a student at the University of North Carolina, who published a real op-ed in an actual newspaper about her horrible first-world life and “the struggle to be taken seriously in the age of subtle sexism.” I had to read this one a few times to make sure it wasn’t satire; alas, it is not.