My Dad Was Transgender. Why I Still Think Gender Can’t Be Changed.

He considered suicide, but, thankfully, resisted. But later, pumped full of unnatural hormones and chemicals and adorned in women’s clothing, he died a sad, confused, forgetful and regretful old man.

By Denise Shick Published on May 26, 2016

Maybe parallel universes really do exist. Maybe, as my husband and I hiked through the deep, dark forest a few years ago, we somehow crossed through a portal, a stargate into another dimension — a universe that, superficially at least, looks quite similar to the one I’d known most of my life.

I almost hope that’s true. I’d like to believe it, because in the world I now inhabit — which outwardly resembles the one I remember — everything seems to have been turned inside out and become utterly bewildering.

Yes, I find myself wanting to believe that weird matrix explanation and to resist the more likely truth that the world I grew up in could have changed so completely.

I’d like to believe that somewhere back there the world I accidently exited still exists — that world where gender was a fixed biological fact, determined at conception.

But no, this is not the Twilight Zone; it is not an inexplicable parallel universe.

This is 21st century America, and, according to an ABC news article on guidelines recently handed down by the U.S. Departments of Justice and Education:

There is no obligation for a student to present a specific medical diagnosis or identification documents that reflect his or her gender identity, and equal access must be given to transgender students even in instances when it makes others uncomfortable, according to the directive.

Yes, we really do live in a nation in which our government tells us girls and boys should be able to share restrooms and locker rooms. We really do live in a culture that values transgender rights over basic morality and children’s safety.

But the very hard reality in this topsy-turvy world is that transgender people are hundreds of times more likely to attempt suicide than the general U.S. population.

And what does our enlightened culture do about this very sad statistic?

Well, we make it easier for people to transition to this sad and depressing lifestyle. Helping them struggle down the hard road of facing reality is just too judgmental; it’s better to let them move into a make-believe life in which they face a 4-in-10 chance of attempting suicide.

My father gave in to his make-believe transgender impulses and became Becky. He’d spent most of his life dreaming of making that transition. When he finally left his family and got what he’d long desired, he still wasn’t fulfilled.

He considered suicide, but, thankfully, resisted. But later, pumped full of unnatural hormones and chemicals and adorned in women’s clothing, he died a sad, confused, forgetful and regretful old man.

I missed Harold, the one who, during his periods of resisting his impulses, treated me as a father should treat his daughter.

I miss him dancing with my little feet placed on top of his, his big hands reaching down to clasp my little five-year-old hands. I miss those days of his sexual sobriety when we worked together at his father’s seed company and went to lunch together. I miss all those times when he accepted the reality that he was Harold, a man — a husband, father and grandfather.

I don’t miss Becky, or those transition times when my father gave in to his transgender impulses. I don’t miss him telling me, when I was just nine years old, of his desire to become a woman and then requiring me to keep that confession a secret. I don’t miss the fanciful alternate world he transported into, leaving my mother emotionally distraught and financially destitute.

My father was the one who had entered another dimension, a make-believe dimension. And rather than returning to the real world, he wanted the real world to accommodate his make-believe world.

That’s what this small but vocal minority and their enablers want from the rest of the real world.

I’d like to believe that world in which truth is objective, and children’s modesty and safety is more important than being politically correct still exists and somehow I might find the portal to return to it. Back to that world where adults looked out for children’s best interests, even if doing so meant saying no and then dealing with rather than succumbing to the resultant temper tantrum.

I’d like to think that, in that parallel universe I inadvertently ambled out of, women and children’s safety is still more important than appeasing a tiny-but-very-vocal minority.

But it appears I’m no longer in that universe. I’m in one where choices — no matter how illogical — trump obvious facts.

I find myself in a world in which stating a very plain and evident biological fact is now considered a form of hate speech.

I’m now in a world that tells me I must not only tolerate but also celebrate behaviors that in just a relative eye’s blink before were condemned as detrimental to society.


Copyright 2016 The Daily Signal

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  • Cowboy

    Thank You

  • ChipO1

    The LGBTXYZ movement is literally insane.
    They believe you are “born gay, but cannot change,” and yet “born male, but you can change if you want to.” No sane person could possibly hold those two thoughts inside his head.

    • O’Pinyon

      Romans 1 explains the insanity, and why our society supports it.
      There is a way back – through repentance.

  • Jennifer Hartline

    Bless you, Denise, for sharing your story. And may your father rest in peace.

  • O’Pinyon

    “…that world in which truth is objective, and children’s modesty and safety is more important than being politically correct…that world where adults looked out for children’s best interests, even if doing so meant saying no and then dealing with rather than succumbing to the resultant temper tantrum.”
    That world exists wherever an individual stands up for truth, as you have done.
    Thank you.

  • Scout

    Well said and thanks for speaking out.

  • Lorie Rinke

    Thank you for sharing with us, it helps us alot. We need more information to be able to understand better.

  • no_peace_without_Him

    Thanks for having the courage to speak out.

  • Mo86

    You are sadly right. It really does seem like the world’s gone crazy, and so quickly!

    I remember hearing your story somewhere before. It’s heartbreaking. Thank you for speaking out.

  • Puddleglumm

    Thanks for speaking out. I know it must have been painful to do so. God bless you.

  • Charles Burge

    Thanks for having the courage to speak up. This demonstrates that enabling someone’s delusion is NOT compassionate. It’s actually quite the opposite.

  • This comes off as bitter, angry and very sad.
    People still don’t really get how their treatment of transgender people and the use of words like “make-believe life ” add to the stigma and discrimination faced by transgender people. This discrimination this disregard for transgender people leads to the high suicide rates. I am glad that the author put links to the studies, please read the entire study and you will see how discrimination adds to the depression of transgender people.
    What a painful story and reaction.

    • crusader1234

      Discrimination my ADD TO transgender depression but is not its ROOT CAUSE. The root cause is that these people are mentally sick and no amount if acceptance will prevent their depression. They need mental treatment, not government- enforced enabling

      • If you insist tat transgender people need mental treatment will you also agree with what what those providing the mental treatment reccomends? The mental health and the medical community insist that being transgender is not a mental illness. Gender dysphoria is the severe discomfort of not having your gender identity match your assigned biological ex. Not all transgender people have gender dysphoria.

    • Liza

      Do you have any clue how many of these men’s kids and ex wives are coming down the pike? Get over yourself with your mean-spirited accusations meant to discredit. You want study Bro. Now you go tell the HRC that they better hire compentent trolls. As for mens depression because nobody wants to pleasure them and take their fetish as some civil rights cause–well that’s a bite. We all know that narcissistic abuser threaten suicide and in fact do it–so what. Nobody is putting their children in danger so these men can get their money shot off in the ladies room. And if that drives them to suicide then so be it. Violent destructive people often are violent and destructive to themselves. Transgender women are role playing a compulsive male sexual fantasy–yes they are sick, very and dangerous, very to women and kids. The fact is Transgender women and girls have raped and murdered 1000s of women and kids. So educate yourself about all the male sexual violence Transgender women have committed against child and women. It is not discrimination to refuse to role-play in men’s violent fetishes in public spaces built for women. You have them Bro, have at it dude.

      There is no such thing as “Transgender women” they are all men–fetish driven and often violent men. As you know autogynephlia is listed in the most current DSM V and now even being introduced kids so they know sicko and stay away. Yep Transgender women will be seen as the often very dangerous men they are. That is how children and women will be protected. A kind of public outsourcing to keep people safe and aware. “Autogynephilia is defined as a male’s propensity to be sexually aroused by the thought of himself as a female. It is the paraphilia that is theorized to underlie transvestism and some forms of male-to-female (MtF) transsexualism. Autogynephilia encompasses sexual arousal with cross-dressing and cross-gender expression that does not involve women’s clothing per se. The concept of autogynephilia defines a typology of MtF transsexualism and offers a theory of motivation for one type of MtF transsexualism. Autogynephilia resembles a sexual orientation in that it involves elements of idealization and attachment as well as erotic desire. Nearly 3% of men in Western countries may experience autogynephilia; its most severe manifestation, MtF transsexualism, is rare but increasing in prevalence. Some theorists and clinicians reject the transsexual typology and theory of motivation derived from autogynephilia; their objections suggest a need for additional research. The concept of autogynephilia can assist clinicians in understanding some otherwise puzzling manifestations of nonhomosexual MtF transsexualism. Autogynephilia exemplifies an unusual paraphilic category called ‘erotic target identity inversions’, in which men desire to impersonate or turn their bodies into facsimiles of the persons or things to which they are sexually attracted.

      Copyright © 2011 S. Karger AG, Basel.

      • What are you talking about this is bull!!!

        • Liza

          What Bull Sir? Transgender women are men–fetish driven, that is why they keep all the male parts that works just fine and they have killed and raped 1000s of women and children. That’s a fact Jack. They have been convicted and as you know criminal records are public. Every parent and student should know the high level of extreme male sexual violence committed by “transgender women and girls.” And you can do nothing to change facts–nada, bupkas. Do you have a problem with women and girls and all parents knowing what Transgender women and girls have done?

          • Do you know what hyperbole is?

          • Liza

            Too bad for you if anything I low balled the number of women and children raped and murdered by Transgender women and girls. That “it never happens” lie is collapsing and when a woman screams these violent men and boys will be eating the curb–a pack of violent sexual sociopaths. The Ladies Room is going to be the saddest place on earth for violent fetish driven men. I only deal in facts Jack and people can fact check. All you got is a bunch of self reported claims from the kings of lies–Transgender women–

          • New York City and other cities have had transgender equality laws since the early 2000’s and your dooms day scenario never happened.

            Are there dangerous people and sick people in all walks of life? Yes. Do we judged the whole group by the deeds of the few? No

          • Liza

            Actually you are wrong about New York. Do you just lie and assume things can’t be checked. The law was if there is a bathroom a non customer can’t be refused. The only group of violent men demanding to get into a women’s locker room, and other spaces are men that identify as women. Transgender women have already attacked both women and children in those spaces. And yes we judge full bodied men as who want to expose their penis in a sexually aroused state to all women and children as dangerous. In fact they should be treated as a rape and death threat. The best predictor of future behavior is past and Transgender women and girls have a very high rate of sexual and other violence. That is why women do not walk alone at night because men rape and kill and Transgender women are men and rape and kill at the same rate as men–shocking. Women and all parents should be screaming terrified of every single one of these men who “identify” as a women and know that word “identify” is code for fetish driven and deviant. You

          • This is not true about New York.

            “The NYCHRL requires that individuals be permitted to use single——– facilities, such as bathrooms or locker rooms, and participate in single—- programs, consistent with their gender, regardless of their—— assigned at birth, anatomy, medical history, appearance, or the —– indicated on their identification. The law does not require entities to make existing bathrooms all-gender or construct additional restrooms. Covered entities that have single-occupancy restrooms should make clear that they can be used by people of all genders. 12

            Some people, including, for example, customers, other program participants, tenants, or employees, may object to sharing a facility or participating in a program with a transgender or gender non-conforming person. Such objections are not a lawful reason to deny access to that transgender or gender non-conforming individual.”

            Folks can check for themselves it is:

            New York City Commission on Human Rights Legal Enforcement Guidance on Discrimination on the Basis of Gender Identity or Expression: Local Law No. 3 (2002); N.Y.C. Admin. Code § 8-102(23)

          • Liza

            Sir, note this phrase “single-occupancy restrooms.” They could not use open locker rooms and now you would not even believe what what NY women who are not fools are coming up with. Oh how the fetish driven must suffer. When 5th graders are all on to autogynephlia and are grossed out you know you are getting somewhere.

    • Christopher Lynn Park

      A daughter needed her father who stole himself and her opportunity to grow up with a father from her yet you focus on the one who selfishly abandoned the one he was given care and charge of. His family’s needs came before his own. Your compassion is sadly misplaced upon the willfully irresponsible traitor to his family who’s “worse than an unbeliever.”

  • I am sorry but Denise Shick is not an expert on transgenderism. I thought the horrors of the ex-gay movement died with Exodus Int., I was wrong.

  • Gal 5:22-23

    So good to hear from someone who has been there. Wow, what a story.

  • What an outstanding piece. May your father rest in peace where he now has found his true manhood.

  • brothergc

    what a great testomony , and I get it completly . I feel as you do . That we have crossed into some kind of twilight zone
    Up is now down , 2 plus 2 no longer equals 4 . The left is totaly out of their minds and lost any scence of reality

  • brothergc

    I am posting this in support to this , I did not write it but it does reflect what I support , it was posted by “el” here on the stream who is Female who was replying to a suporter debating for the rights of the transgender .

    Yet the answer is to allow women and children to be more vulnerable? I have been in restrooms with trans, and it was not a big concern for me. What is, it that any predator could pretend to be trans or gender fluid and have easy access to take advantage of us. We see evidence in the news of this very thing happening. I have listened to a trans agree this was a dangerous policy. There are more women and children who have been abused than there are transgenders. Why do they end up swept aside and told they are not a part of the politically correct priority list? Why do their traumas, the triggers of seeing men in formerly private areas not matter? Women fought for equality for years, and now we find another area we are not equal. One woman who told her employer she had trouble with men in the restroom due to childhood abuse. She was told she could resign and receive her severance pay, or be fired. Is that the way we treat survivors of abuse!? Another woman was slipped the date rape drug, and could not even speak as she staggered to the ladies room to get away from him. He followed, but eventually left as it was noticeable he was a male inside the ladies room doorway. What happens when it is routine to see men in the ladies room in this instance? Do you see it makes the situation more dangerous for women and children. In some states it is a violation with a hefty fine to question a male in the ladies room. Free speech thrown out, to make it easier for any predator, voyeur or prankster to mess with us. I would like to think we matter too.

  • kl

    Just FYI- “Rev.” Gerald Palmer trolls and comments on any news articles on transgenderism from a conservative viewpoint. To the author of this article, thank you for your honest words. We do need them in a world turned upside down.

  • Erica Kensho

    It sounds to me like this child didn’t want to go out into the world and live her own life, she just wanted to stay with daddy forever and tell him how he should live his life.

    At some point, all children must come to realize that their parents are neither indestructible or perfect. They have all the same weaknesses and flaws of any other human being they know. Parents, of course, try to hide their demons from their children until the kids grow up, and are capable of sympathizing, and maybe even empathizing with their struggles.

    But some children don’t want this. They don’t want to believe their parents are flawed human beings with feet made of clay. So they make their parent’s struggles about them, “Dad’s not in pain, he’s not filled with despair, he just wants to hurt me.” It’s understandable in a young child, and even a selfishly hormonal teen, but in an adult? That’s just immaturity. That’s refusing to grow up.

  • ryu238

    “Well, we make it easier for people to transition to this sad and depressing lifestyle. Helping them struggle down the hard road of facing reality is just too judgmental; it’s better to let them move into a make-believe life in which they face a 4-in-10 chance of attempting suicide.” doesn’t your link outright mention discrimination as the cause.

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