Last week, conservative commentator Steve Deace’s Twitter feed was discussing which The Lord of the Rings character fit Donald Trump. This reminded me I’d done such an analysis of the 2012 Presidential candidates. Thus why not for those of 2024? After all, Tolkien’s writings can and have been applied to geopolitics. And writers, both Left and Right, have been typecasting politicians as Shakespeare characters for years. Like I did, for the 2020 campaign. So before I run out of pipe weed, and as entertainment before second breakfast, here goes. (Disclaimer: this piece will segue between the books and movies, as fits my narrative.)

Trump is Denethor

Right now the GOP has nine declared candidates. Let’s start at the top, with former President Trump. He recalls Denethor, Lord and Steward of Gondor. The capable if capricious leader of the country (Gondor/America). Indeed of the entire West, whether some (Elves/Europeans) want to admit it. He’s held the line against The Enemy for years. All the while staring into the Fake News palantír, which is guaranteed to drive anyone a bit crazy. Sure, he might eat (tomatoes/Big Macs) rudely. And he alternates between graciousness and vindictiveness. As Denethor himself put it, rewarding “fealty with love, valor with honor, disloyalty with vengeance.” But neither went over to the dark side, and both remain heroic, albeit flawed, leaders. Gondor/America could do a lot worse.

DeSantis is Faramir

Florida Governor Ron DeSantis is Faramir. Denethor’s younger son with whom the Steward is not entirely pleased. In fact, the Steward treats Faramir as disloyal — much as Trump has done “ungrateful” DeSantis. Still, Faramir exudes class, soldiers on — likewise DeSantis, as a Navy JAG officer in Iraq — winds up wounded in battle and survives to eventually become, after his father’s demise, the chief advisor to the new King. Will DeSantis follow a similar trajectory (Trump VP?), or achieve greater heights? Stay tuned.

Haley is Galadriel

Nikki Haley, former South Carolina governor and United Nations Ambassador, is Galadriel. Intelligent, experienced, attractive. Both Galadriel and Haley led a minor polity (Lothlorien/South Carolina), and both were involved in diplomacy (the White Council/UN). Both are experienced counselors. But leaders? Probably not.

Ramaswamy is Elrond

Biotech entrepreneur Vivek Ramaswamy is Elrond. Perhaps the smartest guy in the room, always willing to declaim knowledgeably at great length (Council of Elrond/TED talk). Specifically, can and will explain how we got into our current predicament and provide possible remedies (Destroy The Ring/Reform the Government). But much more of a talker than doer, at least so far. Listen to him? Yes. Follow him? Not so much.

Scott is Imrahil

South Carolina Senator Tim Scott is Prince Imrahil (book character left out of the movies). Urbane, brave leader from one of Gondor’s southern fiefs (Amroth/South Carolina). He plays a key, but secondary, role in the defense of Minas Tirith. Likewise, Scott is a polite, right-minded politician who does his part. But, alas, probably lacks the background and charisma to rise to the summit of power.

Elder is Théoden

Political commentator and former California gubernatorial candidate Larry Elder is Théoden. Everybody likes him, not least because he speaks bluntly and honestly. As Rohan’s king was saved from Saruman’s stultifying spell, so too Elder was brought out of the Democrat fold into the GOP’s. But also like Théoden, Elder met his demise on the field of battle. In Larry’s case, the California governor’s replacement election of 2021. Elder isn’t faring much better so far in trying to resurrect his political career for a POTUS run.

Other Declared Candidates are Extras

None of the remaining three declared Republican candidates are even showing up in polls. Former Arkansas Governor Asa Hutchinson resembles one of those anonymous background characters at the Council of Elrond. Hails from Lake-town or Dale. Appears, doesn’t say much, probably eats up Elrond’s food, then goes home. Even more obscure are former Cranston, Rhode Island Mayor Steve Laffey and businessman Perry Johnson. Deeming them the two Blue Wizards, who according to Tolkien showed up in Middle-earth then promptly disappeared into the East, is tempting but too grandiose. Laffey and Johnson are more like extras in the Prancing Pony Inn. Have a pint, gentlemen. Then off you go. Quickly, now.

What about Pence and Christie?

The major undeclared GOP candidates are former Vice-President Mike Pence and former New Jersey Governor Chris Christie, who are both expected to announce their presidential bids next week. Depending on your Trump stance, Pence is either loyal right-hand man, er, Elf Legolas — or Gríma Wormtongue, faithless advisor. Either way, he’s not a leading character. Christie brings to mind Barliman Butterbur, owner of the Prancing Pony. Both are clearly foodies but, while shrewd survivors, lack a reliable political weather vane.

The Democrats’ Declared Candidates

Now for the declared Democrats, again starting from the top. President Biden resembles the head of the Nazgûl, “neither living nor dead.” Kept going by a ring of power/B12 shots, both do the will of their Master (Sauron/Obama or George Soros). Whether he’ll survive, or even reach, the Battle of the Pelennor/2024 campaign is yet to be determined, however.

Robert F. Kennedy, Jr., is Boromir. Headstrong, brave, wanting to do the right thing. From a prominent royal family. But you know he’s going to take a chest full of arrows as some point — in RFK’s case, from his own side.

“Spiritual advisor” Marianne Williamson is Radagast the Brown. Likely hangs out with, and talks to, animals. And I’d bet her pipe weed is not merely tobacco. Yes, she has a good heart. But pales in power next to the other political wizards. Which means she gets pushed aside, eventually. But she’s fun to have around for a while.

What of Harris and Clinton?

The two major undeclared possibilities are Vice President Kamala Harris and former Senator, Secretary of State, and POTUS candidate Hillary Clinton. Harris is the book’s Tom Bombadil. Laughing, capering, speaking in nonsensical, sometime rhyming prose. Both live in their own tiny worlds, seemingly unaffected by what goes on around them. All Harris lacks is yellow boots. But just as Gandalf said you can’t trust Bombadil with the Ring, we can’t trust Harris with the nuclear football. Or a regular football, for that matter. As for Hillary, we all know she’s the Mouth of Sauron.

No Aragorn or Gandalf

Just like in 2012 (and ’16, and ’20), we lack an Aragorn/Lincoln. (Ditto for Gandalf. His modern incarnation got canned from Fox News.) Those types don’t come around very often. But if we don’t get what we want, Eru/God willing we will get what we need. Which means a modern Denethor or Faramir. Maybe even Boromir. Any of them would be better than the reigning Witch-King of Washington.

Timothy Furnish holds a Ph.D. in Islamic, World and African history from Ohio State University and a M.A. in Theology from Concordia Seminary. He is a former U.S. Army Arabic linguist and, later, civilian consultant to U.S. Special Operations Command. He’s the author of books on the Middle East and Middle-earth, a history professor and sometime media opiner (as, for example, on Fox News Channel’s War Stories: Fighting ISIS). He currently writes for and consults The Stream on International Security matters.