‘Veggie Tales’ Is Racist and Don’t Bring Home the Bacon

By Michael Brown Published on December 6, 2018

Before you read another word of this article, let me assure you that this is not a parody. Every word that follows is true. You can decide for yourself whether my sarcastic commentary is merited.

In the increasingly bizarre world in which we live today, a world dictated by an all-encompassing, radical PC culture, you must guard every word you speak, lest you offend someone’s sensitivities. Everything has become a micro-aggression of sorts.

‘White Campus’

You cannot dream anymore of a “white Christmas.” What could me more racist than that?

Accordingly, University College in London had to apologize last December for dreaming of a “white campus” – meaning a snow-covered campus, with explicit reference to Bing Crosby’s 1942 “White Christmas” song. Their official statement said, “We chose our words very poorly yesterday….We’re sorry and we’ll choose our words more carefully in the future.” How terribly insensitive!

Today, you cannot speak of “man hours” or urge someone to “man up” or refer to “mankind” or even say “man oh man!” That is so sexist!

Accordingly, it was reported in 2016 that “a new inclusive language policy from administrators at Princeton University is seeking to end the usage of gender-specific words like ‘man’ on campus.” (See here for my response.)

But all this is so antique, so 2016 and 2017. Now, at the end of 2018, we are much more woke. Our sensitivities have been sharpened and our passions deepened. The thought police are now everywhere.

‘The Bad Vegetables are Ethnic’

We have now learned that “Veggie Tales” is racist, as least according to some students at Cal State San Marcos. How so?

Reporting on Red State, Brandon Morse explains that, “During a ‘Whiteness Forum’ that looks critically at the problem of whiteness, students were encouraged to find racism in things we enjoy in order to train their critical eye. One group of students said the NFL was racist since the players were black but the coaches were white. Another group said that Veggie Tales is racist because the good guys are white, and the bad vegetables are ethnic.” (See further here.)

To be candid, I am not a “Veggie Tales” expert and, as I’m in India right now with a busy schedule, I do not have time to watch all the episodes and offer a scholarly analysis.

I can only reprove myself for not recognizing the racist content from a distance. How else could we explain something being so popular in America if it was not, in fact, racist? Talk about the blindness of white privilege.

That probably explains why no one I’ve met in India has ever said to me, “Let’s talk about ‘Veggie Tales’!” They too must recognize its racism.

But there’s more.

Don’s Hold Your Horses

The New York Daily News has reported that, “Vegan activists want to replace terms like ‘hold your horses’ with meat-free alternatives.”

Yes, “Swansea University researcher Dr. Shareena Hamzah has a beef with terms that don’t take into consideration ‘the rise of veganism.’

“According to Hamzah, terms like ‘bringing home the bacon’ or ‘your goose is cooked’ desensitize people to ‘the demand for meat,’ which she contributes to poor health and climate change in an essay published by theconversation.com.”

Once again, I must confess my blindness and insensitivity. I had always thought that these expressions were mere idioms, whatever their origins. I had been ignorant of the fact that, even as idioms, they were offensive to vegans and fed into a larger, pro-meat-eating, anti-climate change culture.

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Dr. Hamzah explains, “Historically, the resources required to obtain meat meant it was mainly the preserve of the upper classes, while the peasantry subsisted on a mostly vegetarian diet. To control the supply of meat was to control the people.”

So, this is not only insensitive, it is classist, preserving some kind of evil caste system.

From here on, I say we “bring home the broccoli” rather than the bacon. I say we urge folks to “hold your huckleberries” rather than your horses. (I was going to suggest, “hold your horseradish,” but inevitably, that would trigger the “horse” memories and cause undue pain.)

As someone who is almost entirely vegan in diet (this is actually true), I cannot believe I have been so blind for so long. Dr. Hamzah’s observations were really meaty and hit the bull’s eye. (Drat! I did it again.)

Gender-Specific Kids’ Meal Toys

Finally, as another indication of how woke our culture has become, Michigan lawmakers are now targeting “gender-specific kids’ meal toys.”

According to the resolution introduced by Michigan state Rep. Leslie Love, “This is a significant issue, as billions of these meals are sold every year and this practice can influence and limit children’s imaginations and interests by promoting some toys as only suitable for girls and others only for boys. While some food establishments claim to have abandoned this practice, many stores in Michigan continue to offer gender-classified options to customers.”

A significant issue indeed.

Everything has become a micro-aggression of sorts.

I say get rid of the boy-toys and girl-toys and give the kids something generic, like a rubber square.

And when a boy turns to his father and says, “Dad, what happened to my superman toys?”, the father can reply, “Son” — actually, better to say, “Child” so as not to unduly influence his gender options — “just use your imagination. Those boy-toys were so limiting.”

Becoming More ‘Woke’

Thank heaven we’re making such progress!

Accordingly, as we come to the end of 2018, I’ll dream of a snowy Christmas that is ethnically sensitive, and when that snow comes I’ll exclaim, “Person oh person, this is beautiful!”

I’ll also call for a boycott of “Veggie Tales” while discouraging anything in culture that is gender-specific, being freshly inspired by these brave Michigan politicians.

After all, there’s more than one way to skin a cucumber.

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  • Trilemma

    Wait, isn’t Veggie Tales a vegan alternative to Miss Piggy and Kermit the frog?

  • kenneth20754

    We can’t say “hold your huckleberries,” because that will trigger all those folks out there who are reduced to quivering masses of emotional Jello by reminding them of that awful racist book “Huckleberry Finn.”

    Seriously, if we can’t just ignore them, I recommend a derisive laugh.

  • Craig W

    Perhaps the most offensive book of all, the Bible, can finally be demoted to the ash heap. Imagine the poor camel:
    “It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle…”

    And how horrifying for the ram:
    “And I saw him come beside the ram, and he was enraged at him; and he struck the ram and shattered his two horns, and the ram had no strength to withstand him. So he hurled him to the ground and trampled on him, and there was none to rescue the ram from his power.”

    There are more, to be sure, but you get the idea.

  • porcupineman1454

    Hmm. To play devil’s advocate, it may be a problem if only the “bad guy” veggies on VeggieTales have accents, and the “good guys” have accents straight from good old Townsville, America. Can you not see how that might be a slight issue? I don’t think that idea is particularly ridiculous. Must we dismiss everything offhand?

    • Steven Scott Alt

      Alfred has an accent and he is a good guy. He also appears in all the Larry Boy episodes, so they are making a gross generalization to say only the bad guys have accents.

      • porcupineman1454

        …a British accent. Come on, I know you can think harder than this.

        • Steven Scott Alt

          The French peas are not always bad guys either.

          • porcupineman1454

            Looks to me like everybody replying to this post has missed the point. My older kids are grown up ant my younger ones never watched VeggieTales, so I haven’t seen the show in a long time, but it seems to me the argument is that the ethnic accents are the bad ones. I think Latino accent was mentioned. I could be wrong but I do believe the French people are majority white, no?

          • kenneth20754

            Technically speaking, so are the Latin peoples, with the admixture of Spanish and Portuguese ancestry. But identity ideologues prefer to emphasis the indigenous peoples part of the Latin heritage.

            I don’t consider myself thoroughly schooled in the VeggieTale canon, but I don’t recall hearing many/any distinctly Latin accents on display.

          • porcupineman1454

            Mr. Lunt?

          • kenneth20754

            So it would seem. A Latin gourd. But he’s had both bad-guy and good-guy roles in various episodes, so he doesn’t fit the complainers’ bill.

          • Diana

            Actually, Chinese is the most commonly spoken language in the world, so English is in the minority. And if you take into account all the variations and dialects of English then there are all sorts of minorities. I was a New Zealand kid coming to Canada in the 60s and you can believe I was tormented for my accent. New Zealanders definitely are in the minority… the country now has about 4 million people in the whole country. So if you try hard enough you can be in a minority or a racist or genderist or any kind of -ist. Let’s go for it folks and get on our soap boxes. Eventually we’ll all have to be mute.:/

  • Juan Garcia

    Thanks for the humor brother. I’m an old man on dialysis and don’t get out much so I figure I’m about as pasty white as I can get. But I’ very concerned about the guilt of my whiteness so I went outside and held my hand next to the snow. My hand looked brown by comparison! I no longer feel guilty. Whew! That was a close one!

    • Steven58

      Feel better, brother. God bless you.

  • Patmos

    Even Satan, the father of lies whose job it is to deceive mankind, is saying, “Wow, they really said that??? They’re completely nuts. I don’t even really have to do anything anymore. They pretty much do it for me!”

  • Steven58

    Hogwash! As a cis MALE with MALE pattern baldness, I am offended by the micro-aggression of the Veggie-tales song, “Where is my hairbrush?” Do you know how that makes me feel. Haired people need to be more sensitive to those of us who are over 50 and hair-challenged. I think I need to march on Washington about this.

    • Royce E. Van Blaricome

      What is a “cis male”? There is ONLY “male” and “female”. Anything else is worldly wisdom and Pro. 14:12 speaks to that. Christians really do need to stop being conformed to the World but rather into the image of Christ!

      • Steven58

        I was try to be sarcastic. I agree with you

        • Royce E. Van Blaricome

          I’m sorry. My mistake. Sometimes it’s hard to know but now that you tell me I can see it now. Sadly, you are in the minority. Most folks who profess to be Christian and use that have bought into the World’s vernacular.

  • kenneth20754

    Just can’t trust those French peas.

  • Woobiefuntime

    People have to much time on their hands to worry about stupid stuff like cartoons. I watched those in my Public High School English class . Every one laughed at the David and Goliath episode.

  • Royce E. Van Blaricome

    Thank you, Dr. Brown, for the article. I was not aware of some of this lunacy. It’s beyond sad. Not sure there are any words to accurately describe it

    I do think it’s important to point out, however, that all this lunacy is happening because the VAST majority of people around the world are allowing it to do so.

  • Diana

    Speaking of any sort must be offensive to deaf people…my sister is deaf. We’d better all stop speaking and learn sign language quickly. [Just to set the record straight, my sister is not offended by speaking people]

  • Katherine Kouma

    Lol I love you, man; your comments on these ridiculous so called “issues” totally made my day. Good to know that there are still sane people in this world. And to you, sir, who are on dialysis, God bless you, and I hope your health improves.

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