See Parts 1-5 (How Kasich, Carson, Bush, Rubio, and Cruz Can Win.)

You don’t need my advice right now. Like Charlie Sheen, you are winning. But even Charlie’s winning streak hit a wall, and it wasn’t the wall we need on our country’s Southern border.

Right now you are happy to separate yourself from a conservative movement which you see as a papier-mâché parade float that’s tossing trinkets and going nowhere.

On foreign policy, you have tapped into a deep American weariness of war; a suspicion of trillion-dollar rah-rah democracy-building boondoggles in godforsaken jihadist hellholes; and a sneaking sense of shame about how few of us are willing to serve. You weren’t one of them, but now you’re kind to veterans — which makes you just like the vast majority of voters, who’ll wave a flag but not defend it.

You play off America’s shameful fascination with wealth and social class, flashing your success as proof of your competence, while speaking up for ordinary Janes and Joes whom elites have left to twist in the winds of change. Like Franklin Delano Roosevelt, you’re a proud traitor to your class. And like him, you see the Constitution as a list of helpful suggestions from a bunch of guys in powdered wigs — who if they were so smart how come they’re dead?

Right now you are the fetish of traditional media, social media, the Bush family and apparently the pope. You’re Kim Kardashian, Bruce Jenner, Lady Gaga, and the British royal family, all wrapped up in one. To quote Cole Porter:

You’re the top!
You’re Napoleon Brandy.
You’re the purple light
Of a summer night in Spain,
You’re the National Gallery
You’re Garbo’s salary,
You’re cellophane.

What’s more, the envenomed liberals in the world’s newsrooms now see you as useful, as casting landmines along any Republican path to the White House. That leftist Rumpelstiltskin Robert Reich is already stamping his little feet with glee over how you’ve “destroyed” the Republican party.

What happens next?

If you win the GOP nomination, imagine how the left will react. Our nation’s TV producers and magazine editors despise your blue-collar base as homophobic, bigoted losers — when they bother to notice such folks at all. Will those elitists keep treating you as a superstar? Assuming you do manage to outpoll a principled, pro-life, constitutional conservative like Ted Cruz who was strong on border security many years before you, what then?

As Bill Cosby learned, the media can have your back for a very long time, then turn on you in an instant. And when they sniff blood, they’re like a pack of starving coyotes. Those news programs and commentators are celebrating you now because you’re trashing Republicans whom they hate, such as Ted Cruz or Jeb Bush. So producers edit your clips to make you as funny and pointed as possible. Once you turn your guns on Hillary Clinton, Bernie Sanders or (worst of all) the affable and likeable Joseph Biden, something very … different will happen.

You’ll Be the Pinata, Donald

I can tell you what I would do, if I were a pro-choice, pro-immigration liberal Democrat highly placed in media. Every photo of you that we chose to run, right up through election night, would show you yawning, scowling or seeming to pick your nose. Every clip of you speaking would be edited awkwardly, with even your best zingers trailing off into anticlimactic audience coughing. It wouldn’t just be the opposing candidate’s TV ads that highlighted your many flip-flops on critical issues: I would make sure that nightly newscasts, under the guise of “analysis,” spread out in gory detail how recently you held the exact opposite views on abortion, immigration, the Iraq War, you name it. The list is long, and I would milk it for all it’s worth. So would thousands of other rabid media Democrats, for months and months and months. The questions, “What does Donald Trump really believe? Or does he believe in anything at all?” would suddenly become the narrative.

I would pay whatever it took to get Ivana and Marla to talk about how you abandoned them, and interview every disgruntled grad of “Trump University,” until you were smothered in sob stories.

Every media image of you that your campaign didn’t directly pay for would picture you as a screaming, spitting, racist Oompah Loompah. By the time we were finished with you, Sarah Palin and Ted Nugent would be embarrassed to be seen with you.

All this is going to happen, as surely as Jeb Bush is going to go find “something else really cool” to do instead of serving as your piñata. You’ll be the piñata, Donald. And as of right now, there are few who will bother defending you. If you think Ted Cruz gets the cold shoulder for holding Republican senators’ feet to the fire, you have no idea what shunning really means. Conservative media stars whom you have been crudely insulting for months will be the people whom you need praising you. You will need Republican lawmakers to show up and speak as your surrogates. You will need church leaders, gun owners and Chamber of Commerce dweebs.

You will need people whom you can’t buy but will have to woo, as Ted Cruz has done in his highly professional ground game. In fact, you will need Ted Cruz, and Marco Rubio, and the people who voted for them. Some of those folks will be so scared of Bernie Sanders or Hillary Clinton that they will turn out — but they won’t be enough. Barack Hussein Obama was not enough to save John McCain and Mitt Romney after they’d alienated half the Republican party.

You already have the low-information voters, and if and when Bush and Rubio are forced to lay off all their campaign mercenaries, you’ll be able to hire all of them. What you need are the passionate zealots, the people whom Morton Blackwell calls “3 a.m.” types who will show up in freezing weather or blazing sun to hand out fliers, ring doorbells and run carpools on election day. You’ll need convinced, convincing voices on talk radio, and social media. You’ll need conservatives.

So figure out now how you plan to win us back. This had better be good.