They Want to be Gay. How Should the Church Respond?

By Janet Boynes Published on October 30, 2021

How should the church respond to someone who wants to be gay? Should we still “push” our beliefs on someone who firmly stands on the fact that this is their choice, and they have no intention of changing? We can always dive into the reasons why or find an explanation for their choice. There could be a ton of reasons why someone made the choice not to be heterosexual. Should we bash them with Bible scriptures? Should we flaunt signs in front of them to remind them to repent? Should we ban them from our services because they don’t agree with us? What do we do as people proclaiming that we know God?

Showing Love for One Another

The word of God says in John 13:35, “By this shall all men know that you are my disciples, by the love you show one for another.” The Bible also says God is love (1 John 4:8). Love is the staple that the church must live by. We cannot operate with any other motive. We once walked in willful disobedience. We once operated in the stench of sin before a holy God. God, who is so rich in mercy, still loved us. He never gave up on us. We must follow the perfect example of our Savior and love everyone, no matter if we agree with their lifestyle. Love is the foundation on which we stand and how we show that God is the head of our life.

No Compromise, No Casting Stones

Love does not mean compromise nor indicate agreement. Love just means that we will not put ourselves on a pedestal and think we are more than who God says we are. Love says we cannot cast the first stone. We have all sinned and fallen short of the glory of God. There is none righteous, no, not even one (Rom. 3:10). Jesus was patient and kind to us even when we rebelled and carried out our own agendas. Are we better than Christ? Absolutely not. We, therefore, must display the same example of our Lord and continue to approach them with love. 

It is the right of any gay person to live as they choose just as we choose to live for God. For some of us, God continued to knock for several years before we decided that the lifestyle we were living was not the way of salvation. It took a lot before we totally surrendered. If the truth is told, many of us are still struggling with many different vices. We are not wholly surrendered. Therefore, we cannot cast a stone at someone who says they want to live gay.

The Church Must Hold up God’s Standard

While you love on them, continue to stand on God’s Word. The church must be a rock. The church should never take down its standard of holiness. The gates of hell will try the church. The enemy wants us to believe that the only way to win the lost is to do what they do. That is a deceitful tactic with no biblical truth. Jesus never compromised with sin. He was obedient to God until His death (Phil. 2:8). He remained faithful to God. The stand of the church should always align with the head of the church. We must remain faithful, not judgmental, but consistent with the truth and will of God.

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The church should embrace someone who enters in and says they are gay. The church should show them pure love. If they ask why we don’t agree with them, biblically show them what God’s Word says about their lifestyle and why we don’t agree. Don’t give an opinion. Give God’s Word. If they don’t agree, then offer prayer. Sow seeds of love and truth. God will increase a revelation of His truth in His time. Prayer is powerful and we should not hesitate to offer it.

Be a Living Epistle

There are some who struggle with their sexuality, and they want to find answers. There are others who do not view life as a struggle. They absolutely like what they are doing and who they are. They are in no way convinced that they must live outside of a gay lifestyle. We cannot judge them or beat them over the head with our beliefs. We must remain loving and kind. We must stand on the truth of God’s word and be ready to give an answer if they ask. Be a living epistle and live the gospel. In God’s time, He will reveal Himself in His own way. Keep making sure that the moments you spent with them will radiate in their heart, letting them know that they were truly in the presence of someone who showed them the true love of God.


Janet Boynes founded Janet Boynes Ministries in Maple Grove, MN in 2006. She authored the books: Called Out: A Former Lesbian’s Discovery of Freedom, God & Sexuality and her latest book God & The LGBT Community. She challenges individuals and the church to reach out with a message of hope and restoration to those who struggle with identity issues. Her life is proof that the love of God has the power to heal and restore the brokenness in our lives. It’s been over twenty years since she was called out of the lesbian lifestyle. Janet is an ordained minister under the Assemblies of God and travels the U.S. and overseas sharing a message of redemption. Her desire is to bring hope through the power of Jesus Christ.

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