Meet Mr. Green, who has gone totally “green.” He’s a former Green Beret, who lives on Jade Street in Greenville. His main TV interests are watching the Green Bay Packers and old re-runs of Green Acres. His favorite hobbies are working on his martial arts Green Belt and gardening (after all, he has a green thumb).

One day, while sipping on his cup of green tea, he saw the mayor come on the local TV station for a special announcement. The mayor said that because of a severe drought, the nearby lake (source of the community’s water supply) had reached a dangerously low level. So he asked everyone to limit water usage. The mayor did admit he had not actually seen the lake to confirm it was dangerously low. But that’s what the Uber Eats guy told him. And the driver should know, because his cousin’s next door neighbor had recently been fishing at the lake. It was dark, but there was a full moon that night.

Even though three of his son’s baseball games had been rained out recently, Mr. Green wouldn’t question the mayor. Mr. Green thought of himself as “responsible,” so he immediately shut off the valve that connected the city’s water line to his house. While he was kneeling by the valve, wrench still in hand, he took a selfie to post to his FB group, Tree Huggers Anonymous. He promptly got a “Liked” from Al, a “Loved” from Alexandria, and a “Smiley Face” from Greta.

The Backlash

But all of a sudden, his wife, Emerald, yelled from the front door that the water was off, and she was right in the middle of washing clothes. Moments later, his daughter, Kelly, screamed from the upstairs window that she was trying to take a bath. Then, his son, Hunter, came around from the backyard and said he was trying to bathe the dogs.

Wow. Mr. Green hadn’t even considered all that backlash from his actions. But his post was now going viral, so there was no turning back. Then he had an idea. He worked out a deal to buy water from an acquaintance down the street. It was for double the money (his preferred noun is greenbacks), but at least he could proudly boast that his water was turned off. Although that guy was someone Mr. Green had once gotten in a fistfight with for stealing his girlfriend, he was paying the guy money, so what could go wrong?

So, Mr. Green bought a new (army green) pick-up truck, a flat-bed trailer, and a 2,500 gallon water tank to haul the water from down the street.

Truck: $40,000.

Trailer: $2,000.

Water tank: $5,000.

Saving the planet: PRICELESS.

The Anatomy of Dumbness

Mr. Green’s actions in this little parable are like a sequel to Dumb and Dumber, except you have to add … and Dumbest. He had his own perfectly good water line right to his house and disconnected it at a huge cost, based on hearsay. That was dumb.

Next consider that he went to all that trouble and expense while his water was coming out of the same line, hence not saving a drop of water in Greenville. That was dumber.

But when you do all of the above and then discover the lake isn’t really low in the first place, that was dumbest!

Biden’s Dumb, Dumber, and Dumbest

Joe Biden’s actions are nothing short of Mr. Green’s. He has “shut off the valve” and killed our energy independence. In October 2020, the average retail price of gasoline was $2 per gallon. Today, it has more than doubled because we’re having to import some of our oil from countries far away. Countries that hate us. Plus, we’ve lost our ability to export oil to our European allies at this critical time, which would allow them to tighten the screws on Putin. That’s dumb.

Even if there’s such a thing as global warming, the surface area of the United States covers a mere 1.867% of the earth’s surface. (Go check this fascinating U.N. area map.) Russia, China, and India combined make up 5.877%, and they don’t give a posterior, south end of a north-bound rat’s anatomy about global warming.

The truth is, we’re all on this big ball dangling in space together. Even if drilling for oil and gas had any effect on the earth’s temperature, it wouldn’t matter if the drilling is in Midland, Moscow, or Dammam. If all the other passengers on an airplane set their seats on fire, do you really think your “responsible” behavior in 22D is going to matter? That’s dumber. And it’s no different than Mr. Green getting his water down the street when it’s all from the same line.

Many world-class climatologists feel that the theory of Global Warming is hearsay and synonymous with the hearsay about Greenville’s lake. And to take drastic measures that could alter life on the earth as we know it on hearsay and false prophecies is dumbest.

Inconvenient Fallacies

It turns out that Al Gore’s 2006 film, An Inconvenient Truth, made a list of “inconvenient” false prophecies. He predicted that polar bears would become extinct. But there are more polar bears now than when he made that movie. He predicted a complete melting of the Arctic by 2014. But the Arctic had actually gained ice by 2014. He also predicted that sea levels could rise by 20 feet. Sorry, Al. They’re still rising today at the same snail’s pace, the thickness of two nickels per year, since the late 1800s. (The rate even dropped in 2010 and 2011.)

The remains of Ephesus (in modern-day Turkey), one of the greatest commercial seaports of the ancient world, sit about six miles off the coast of the Aegean Sea. To be fair, there are likely other causes, such as silting of the Cayster River, but it seems there was no major rise of the sea during the last 2,000 years to offset other forces of nature.

If Gore was so concerned, why did he spend nearly $9 million for a home by the ocean in Montecito, California, in 2010?

God’s in Control

Proverbs 8:29 tells us, “He assigned to the sea its limit, So that the waters would not transgress His command.” I’m certain that God’s not in panic mode because the oceans are rising the thickness of two nickels per year.

Many climate alarmists also insist that the seasons are being affected and could eventually cease to exist. One article even declared, “Nature is confused by the changing climate.” Uh, I don’t think so. “God is not the author of confusion” (1 Corinthians 14:33), so neither is His creation. Sure, there have been variations, but Genesis 8:22 assures us that “as long as the earth remains, there will be … summer and winter.”

I’m for taking care of our planet. From the beginning, God made us stewards over our world (Genesis 2:15). Psalm 115:16 proclaims, “The heaven, even the heavens, are the Lord’s; But the earth He has given to the children of men.” Where I take exception with the global warming alarmists is pushing for gargantuan policy shifts on hearsay, speculation, and even fraud (remember “Climategate”?). These policies are dumb, dumber, and dumbest.