My Journey Through, and Deliverance From, the Gay Life and Lie

By Joseph Sciambra Published on August 2, 2017

In Part 1 and Part 2 of this series, I examined the bizarre political orthodoxy that the world is imposing on the church. We’re supposed to believe that gender is fluid and shifting, but sexual desires are inborn and fixed. My own story, and what I learned about myself through my conversion back to Christ, gives that the lie. So permit me to talk a bit about myself.

I was a lonely child. I thought I was different, but I didn’t want anyone else to know. The harder I tried to hide these strange inner feelings, the more obvious they seemed to become. I presumed that every man in my life rejected me. There was something wrong. I didn’t fit in with the other boys and they sensed this peculiarity. Like a school of piranha, they instinctively honed in on the lop-sided straggler. At recess, these boys circled me and pecked me apart, piece by piece.

I recoiled and found solace in fantasy and make-believe. I became obsessed with The Wizard of Oz. It let me dream of somewhere just “over the rainbow” where even the misfits, like a Cowardly Lion, could find acceptance, peace, and joy. For those brave enough to begin the journey down the yellow-brick-road, the culmination of our suffering was the eventual realization of our true self. That hope was always there.

I finally got to be friends with boys like the ones who had teased me. Sex forged a keen, if fleeting, bond. It often seemed that I traded sex for acceptance and affection. I put up with physical and emotional pain, for the sake of connection.

But for many years, I struggled with myself. I didn’t want these strange feelings. I certainly didn’t want to act differently or look conspicuous. So I tried to conform. It never worked. I wondered why I was made this way. In the era of AIDS, I wondered if a malevolent God had predestined some of us to an early grave.

When my male relatives began to date women and marry, I looked at those men with revulsion. They were alien to me. They were like other boys. And yes, they were — like our fathers. I didn’t want to be like them. (In hindsight, however, I usually ended up yearning for men who subconsciously reminded me of them.)

Is “Coming Out” Redemptive?

At age eighteen, I thought my only hope was to “come out.” Yes, I was afraid of contracting an incurable disease (which was then also untreatable.). But I was much more afraid of living alone. So out I came.

For a while, I thought I’d made the right decision. Freely expressing my sexuality turned a secret source of shame into the center of my joy.

At first, I couldn’t believe it. Incredibly handsome and masculine men wanted to be with me. To be near me. To touch me. Since I was extremely insecure and suspicious, at first I thought it was a cosmic joke. Soon they’d turn and reject me.

I never forgot an incident in high school: An older boy whom I’d adored from what I thought was a discreet distance approached me one day. He grinned, and spoke in a kind and welcoming voice. As we talked to each other, we walked for a few feet and then rounded a corner. His friends were waiting there. He shoved me away and began to berate me.

Surely that’s what would happen again, wouldn’t it?

But it didn’t.

With gay men, I finally got to be friends with boys like the ones who had teased me. Sex forged a keen, if fleeting, bond. It often seemed that I traded sex for acceptance and affection. I put up with physical and emotional pain, for the sake of connection.

Still Playing Out Childhood Traumas

A decade passed. I wasn’t eighteen any more. But I was still desperate for other boys to like me. In my own mind I decided that this was pathetic. I didn’t know what to do.

I don’t know exactly why. Maybe God was working on me. But I began to question everything that I’d convinced myself to believe. When I was a kid, why did I feel so different? Was it because I’d been “born gay”? Or just because I was afraid and alone?

At the same time, sex changed. It had always been painful. (The parts don’t … fit.) Now it became excruciating. It turned from a moment of long-sought healing to an aggravation of old wounds.

The reproachful God whom I’d feared had been humanized through His sacrificial love for all mankind. It had already happened, in Jesus.

For a long time, I couldn’t talk about my childhood or even admit to myself what dynamics had formed me. It was just too painful. Then I could no longer avoid it. I was becoming self-protective and reclusive. I was alone again. My new isolation was greater than the dread of facing my past.

Almost blindly, I reached out for help and stumbled onto Courage. It’s a Christian support group for people with same-sex attraction, people who have made the conscious decision to no longer act upon their desires. At first, it was an immense revelation to learn that other men shared a similar story. I’d already heard countless tales from friends of vicious near sadistic schoolyard persecutions. Vulnerable half-drunken confessions about a distant and unloving father who never hugged them. But here, at least, some men were willing to admit that the pain never went away. That gay sex didn’t cure it.

Self-Deception About Gender

Yet, this setting was limited so I sought out the help of a man whose book I’d previously read: Dr. Joseph Nicolosi. In A Parent’s Guide to Preventing Homosexuality, Nicolosi wrote:

Self-deception about gender is at the heart of the homosexual condition. A child who imagines that he or she can be the opposite sex — or be both sexes — is holding on to a fantasy solution to his or her confusion. This is a revolt against reality and a rebellion against the limits built into our created human natures.

That was me.

And I had been living a lie. Or rather, an honest but deeply misguided mistake. I’d spent my life trying to make sense out of my uncontrollable yearning to receive acceptance and affirmation from other men. So I’d agreed with and integrated the core LGBT claim: that these emotions were not only inborn, but they determined my identity. I had been “born gay.”

The Love of the God-Man

Now I began to see that none of that was true. It fell away like a false religion. In its place, true faith could flower. The reproachful God whom I’d feared had been humanized through His sacrificial love for all mankind. It had already happened, in Jesus.

At the same time, men appeared surprisingly less distant and judgmental. I was less attracted to them. For the first time in my life, I could have a healthy Platonic relationship with another man. I found aspects of their personality that I admired. And I wanted to be like them. Most astonishingly to me, my greatest respect emerged for … married family men. Those guys whom I’d previously loathed (and secretly craved). I got to know them. Slowly, I absorbed what was central to these good husbands and fathers, what they had in common. They habitually renounced their selfish wants to more fully protect and provide for those assigned to their care. That is what masculinity meant to them.

I was attracted to the noble aspects of these men, but I didn’t want to have sex with them. What they could give me I received through friendship. Pure friendship, in every sense of both words. I didn’t consider myself “gay” any longer. But the LGBT world says that I don’t have the right to do that.

In Christ, I discovered pure friendship, in every sense of both words.

I may not be anything but what I was born to be, they insist. It’s “heroic” when some renounce the “incorrect gender” assigned to them at birth. I cannot escape my “sexual orientation,” they say. I was “born gay.”

The Last Moral Absolute: “Born This Way”

In a community that often scoffs at moral absolutes as hopelessly archaic and discriminatory, there remains just one unforgivable sin. That is, to say you are no longer “gay.” It’s the ultimate betrayal. And many good people, mostly Christians, have been unfairly caricatured and ridiculed for daring to say that. To the LGBT dogmatists, someone like me is hopeless, beyond treatment or help. I am a straight man trapped in a gay man’s body. I was “born this way,” and there’s nothing I can do.

But Jesus, who made me and died for me, knows better. It’s His view of things that interests me.

 

 

Joseph Sciambra is author of Swallowed by Satan: How Our Lord Jesus Christ Saved Me from Pornography, Homosexuality, and the Occult.

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  • Maybe in the future you can get editorials from John Paulk, a former chairman of Exodus International, the ex-gay group. Or Michael Bussee, one of the founders of Exodus. Or former Exodus president Martin Chambers. Any one of the could offer inspiring messages about the journey from Gay to Straight.

    Oh, wait a minute.

    • Mensa Member

      That would add some balance but better would be actual experts on this subject.

      The science is still unsettled but we know much more about sexual orientation compared to even a few years ago.

      The core premise of this article is that homosexuality is the result of sexual trauma. The research simply does not back this up.

      Sexual trauma can certainly mess-up someone’s sexuality! But, it’s not the reason why most gays got that way.

      • Shaquille Harvey

        What evidence do you have to support this ?

        • Mensa Member

          American Psychological Association. (2008). Answers to your questions: For a better understanding of sexual orientation and homosexuality. Washington, DC:

          • DCM7

            Given how associations like the APA arrived at their current positions (basically 100% political pressure and 0% evidence), citing such positions in an attempt to prove a point is no better than a pathetic joke (sorry, there’s no more polite way to put it). But like many, you are apparently unaware of this.

          • Mensa Member

            >> you are apparently unaware of this.

            I am well aware of the claim. And that it is bogus. Whoever told you that is selling you a line.

            If you don’t like the APA, there has been a lot of peer reviewed science done on this subject.

            While you were typing, I found a web page that has an excellent bibliography.

            Since Disqus doesn’t like links, I’ll post it like this:

            pediatrics.

            aappublications

            .org

            /content/113/6/1827.long

          • DCM7

            “I am well aware of the claim. And that it is bogus. Whoever told you that is selling you a line.”

            You can pretend that all you want. It’s all too well known and documented for anyone who knows better to take you seriously on this. (And BTW it doesn’t just apply to the APA, so you have no out there.)

          • Mensa Member

            Did you read any of the links I gave you?

            You claimed that the APA’s position on homosexuality was “100% political and 0% evidence”. This is just flat wrong. There are studies, going back to the 1950s which are the basis for their current position on homosexuality. Studies that have been replicated and built upon.

            Seriously, do your homework.

            It is you who seems to believe things about gays that are disproven , not me.

          • Ignitedfw

            Just curios, you keep mentioning the Bible only mentions homosexuality six times. How many times does the Bilble have to say something is an abomination before you think it is an abomination?

      • Patmos

        So the science is unsettled, and yet there are somehow experts too?

        I guess it is foolish of me to expect someone like yourself to heed the word and be slow to speak.

        • Mensa Member

          Patmos,

          No need for insults.

          I have very carefully studied the word on the issue of homosexuality. There are very few verses on the subject, so it’s not that hard to do. About half of the verse are disputed. The word “homosexuality” was not even in the bible until the last century.

          Obviously modern, loving same sex marriage didn’t exist back then… so the bible was talking about something else. Homosexual temple prostitution did exist back then, so it’s quite possible that this “homosexual lifestyle” is what was being condemned.

          But one thing is indisputable… this is a very minor issue in the bible. Out of the thousand and thousands of verses, there are just six mentions of the issue. And some of those aren’t even clear.

          So, to add homophobia as a requirement for salvation is unprecedented and bordering on heresy.

          • Patmos

            Lol, you don’t even know what “slow to speak” is in reference to and instead thought is was an insult? I suppose I should throw in quick to listen as well, because you have trouble with that as well.

            What part of abomination do you not understand? This stuff isn’t that hard. Get over yourself. The world doesn’t revolve around you.

    • Dean Bruckner

      “Straight is the gate and narrow the way, and few are those who find it.” -Jeus

      It’s a feature, not a bug.

  • Mensa Member

    It’s hard to keep reading when the first paragraph of an article has a glaring falsehood:

    >>We’re supposed to believe that gender is fluid and shifting, but sexual desires are inborn and fixed

    I’m sorry if some people told the author this but it wasn’t the APA. They are clear:

    “There is no consensus among scientists about the exact reasons that an
    individual develops a heterosexual, bisexual, gay or lesbian
    orientation. Although much research has examined the possible genetic,
    hormonal, developmental, social and cultural influences on sexual
    orientation, no findings have emerged that permit scientists to conclude
    that sexual orientation is determined by any particular factor or
    factors. Many think that nature and nurture both play complex roles;
    most people experience little or no sense of choice about their sexual
    orientation.”

    Yes, people will say, “I as born [straight or gay]” because they can’t remember being anything else. In my observation, this is most people, either gay or straight.

    But there are a few people, like this author, who can switch back and forth. While some seem to have naturally ambiguous sexual orientationm more than a few have had their normal sexual development disrupted by abuse or premature sexual experimentation. (again, in my own observation.)

    I have heard his story before and this seems to be the case for this author. Praise God he has come to peace with sexual orientation. But, it would be a big mistake to think his experience is normative.

    • Shaquille Harvey

      What do you mean came to peace with his orientation ?
      Even though homosexuality is a sin.

      • Mensa Member

        Some sects of Christianity still think homosexuality is a sin but certainly not all. My own church is fine with the gays.

        But what I meant is this: this author was tortured by his sexuality. He now is at peace with it. That’s all.

        But, I gotta add, his aggressive activism against homosexuality raises some questions for me. Most people who have fully resolved some personal problem usually don’t take it out on others. Even so, I take him at his word.

        • Gary

          All real Christians agree with the Bible that homosexuality is a sin.

          • Mensa Member

            >> All real Christians agree with the Bible that homosexuality is a sin.

            No. your wing of the church believes that. .

            And, it appears, you have added this belief to salvation. Many Christians would call that heresy.

          • Gary

            There is only one “wing” of the church. You and your “wing” are heretics. You’re a bunch of hypocrites claiming to know God, but denying Him.

          • Emma2

            There you go, demonstrating why I have a problem being christian. And why I have so many un-answered questions. I guess your comments make my questions of no consequence. I’ll just stick with being a follower of Christ and trying to live up to his ideas.

        • Shaquille Harvey

          It’s not whether Christian sects think or agree or disagree but rather what does 1. The bible state and Christian theology.

          • Mensa Member

            >> what does 1. The bible state and Christian theology.

            Sincere Christians, in good faith, disagree with the bible says about homosexuality. It is such a minor issue in the bible, with so few verses, that we don’t have a consensus. There is good reason to believe that, for most of the history of the church, Christians didn’t care much about the issue.

          • Patmos

            “Sincere Christians, in good faith, disagree with the bible says about homosexuality…”

            It’s painful reading your comments here, as you project yourself to be intelligent, yet are clearly just guided by your own thoughts, ideas, and desires. You’re the type of person who Jesus called out as wanting to be more pleasing to others than to God. Don’t say you weren’t warned.

          • Mensa Member

            Patmos,

            Thanks for the warning but I feel safer following Jesus’ Golden Rule more than following “The Culture Wars.”

            And thanks, I think, for the compliment. I hope I don’t “project” myself as intelligent. I don’t know my IQ but I think it’s just average. But I do carefully read the bible and I also follow the research on this subject. Anybody could do the same.

          • m-nj

            in case my other comment doesn’t get posted

            the Golden Rule does not negate calling out sin, and certainly doesn’t allow condoning sin, as your church apparently does, with your silent approval.

            i’d recommend a very good (and long) rebuttal to the whole “gay christian” ideology that is being promoted by Mathew Vines et al… see youtube . com / watch?v=QESCfpWUTE8

          • Mensa Member

            But do you agree that America’s “culture wars” often don’t follow the Golden Rule?

            No, you don’t have to stop saying you believe that homosexuality is sin. It’s a free country and your right.

            But, as a Christian, the Golden Rule still applies to your treatment of gays as well. Your gay neighbor probably thinks you sin, too!

            I can’t watch the video right now (I need to stop here) but I’ll bookmark and watch it. I try not to live in a liberal bubble.

          • Mensa Member

            m-n

            Yikes! That video is five hours long! That’s longer than Gone With The Wind!

            I’ll see if I can get the main points. Did you really watch the whole thing?

          • m-nj

            Yes i watched the whole thing… it is a point by point rebuttal of a 1 hr video by “gay christian” Matthew Vines.

          • Patmos

            “But I do carefully read the bible”

            I guess you missed the part about homosexuality being an abomination, and the part about straight is the way and narrow is the gate, and about a thousand other verses at least. But sure, keep following what feels good to you and is pleasing to the world. I’m sure the world loves you for it, which was the goal all along, right?

          • jonnybeeski3

            Re: “straight is the way”

            I see what you did there. 🙂

          • Shaquille Harvey

            Really so then why did the church for 2000 years treat homosexuality as a sin ?
            Also it has never been treated me nor before, for few verses ? Even if the case the biblical text still state it is a sin.

          • Emma2

            Is it a fact that the bible did not mention ‘homosexuality?’ That the word is of recent origin?

            Doesn’t the New Testament, from the mouth of Jesus, outweigh the Old Testament words, pre-Jesus?

            When the King James version was re-written to suit King James, were words inserted or omitted that dealt with homosexuality? In the many previous incarnations of he bible, did they all contain condemnation of homosexuality? I’m aware that he had any negative parts about kings removed. But at the time i read about that I was not bothering about sexuality.

            Is it Christian to turn against a rather large group of people who don’t fit the “norm” and who generally don’t turn weapons against the rest of the people?

            I often have a problem with interpreting the thinking of Christians, so would appreciate responses to my questions.

        • Patmos

          “Some sects of Christianity still think homosexuality is a sin but certainly not all. My own church is fine with the gays.”

          Your church is fine with what God calls an abomination, and yet you still think your church follows God and his son Jesus Christ?

        • m-nj

          in a previous post on another article, you said you do not support either homosexuality or transgenderism… disqus . com/home/discussion/streamdotorg/sexual_orientation_is_fixed_but_genders_completely_fluid_and_22_5/#comment-3444970410

          so WHY are you attending a church that is “fine with the gays”… or do you think supporting a church that is supporting others in their sin is somehow going to not come back on you in God’s eyes.

          Gal 6:7 – Do not be deceived: God is not mocked, for whatever one sows, that will he also reap.

          • Jim Walker

            He is flippin’ and floppin’.

    • Etranger

      His story is repeated on many of these fundamentalist sites. Every time I read it I feel sorry for the guy – he obviously had many psychological problems growing up. It had nothing to do with being gay though – even by his own admission, since he is not actually gay. The fact that he wishes to generalize his problematic, traumatic experiences to all gay people is symptomatic of yet more psychological problems…

      • Mensa Member

        Etrangner,

        You said it better than I did.

        I’ve heard this fellow on the radio give this same testimony. It also made me feel sorry for him.

        In all sincerity, I am happy for him, that he has resolved this. I just wish he wouldn’t take it out on other gays. Especially those who are well adjusted!

      • Jeremy L

        I agree that he is not actually gay. I can’t find anything in his story where he explicitly says he went through puberty and began noticing males, had crushes on boys in school, or even was sexually attracted to men at all. The closest we get is him talking about ADMIRING men or wanting men to notice him, but that in no way equals sexual attraction. Participating in gay acts doesn’t necessarily mean one is gay. Sciambra sounds like he was in a bad place and wandered over to some sketchy gay men who had their way with him. There is no switch from being gay to being straight to be seen – just him getting out of sexual abuse. And his experience does not represent what life is like for all gay people. But he’s unfortunately come to believe that all gays are the same and are the source of his problems.

        • Shaquille Harvey

          So now you want to state and classify who is and who isn’t gay then !?
          Because all of a sudden a person has become an ex gay man that all of a sudden cancels out his years in the gay lifestyle!?

          • Jeremy L

            Fundamentalists tend to define “gay” in terms of action. Define “gay” that way all you want. In that sense, you could say that Sciambra was “gay” and now is not “gay”. BUT what I was saying is that he was never attracted to men. He merely let men who are attracted to men have their way with him. Sciambra was attracted to women the entire time. There was no changing of attractions. Just leaving the sexual abuse of men.

          • Etranger

            Well said.

          • Jim Walker

            Exactly my thoughts ! Just when one of them comes back out as straight, they immediately say, Oh… he was never gay in the first place, they also reject Walt Heyer’s testimony.
            Such hypocrisy.

      • Paul

        Wait…the guy admits he was homosexual and actively engaged in the lifestyle but you say he is not actually homosexual. Does that make him a fake homosexual? This is so absurd.

        • Etranger

          I agree his account is quite absurd. I don’t ‘say’ anything about him being gay or not. He said he had sex with men before but is that he is not gay now.

          • Paul

            Who then said he is not actually homosexual?

          • Etranger

            ?! Seriously? Did you read this article? lol

          • Paul

            Certainly did, he talks about being homosexual and then turning away from it. To say he was not actually homosexual is to say he never was but the author makes it plain that he was homosexual.

          • Etranger

            ? I never said he never engaged in homosexual activity. He is not a ‘homosexual’ now, by his own admission. He definitely had many deep psychology problems and sought out affirmation from other males sexually. He might not have actually wanted men necessarily – who knows.

          • Paul

            Help me understand then what you meant when writing “…since he is not actually gay.” Did you mean he is not homosexual now?

          • Etranger

            Hi, no problem. Here is his own words: “I didn’t consider myself “gay” any longer.”

            There you go. Of course, I don’t even understand your whole obsession with this point anyhow. It does not negate the fact that he had sex with men for many years because he was looking to fill some void he had based on psychological problems in his youth. I feel bad for him and his struggles. He is just not representative of all or even most gay men of course.

          • Hillarious!

  • Hannah

    Absolutely beautiful, Joseph! Thank you for sharing your story and showing us that there is hope. Seriously, thank you for your transparency.

  • DCM7

    As might be expected, the comments here include the inevitable (and hopelessly fallacious) attempts to cast doubt on this story. There are attempts to cite popular “science” on the subject, in disregard (or ignorance) of the fact that said “science” is well known and documented to have been going in a false direction for decades due to activism and political pressure. There is an attempt to cite a couple cases where leaving same-sex attraction wasn’t totally successful (not surprising, given the challenges thereof), as if that somehow invalidates the many successes. There is the common, blatantly false, completely unsupportable claim that stories like this one are vanishingly rare.

    The politically incorrect truth that many would like to try to hide is that Joseph’s basic story is a very common one, particularly in regards to how he got where he originally was. And no amount of hate for the light shined by such stories will ever make that light go away.

    • Hannah

      Well of course hiding this truth is most important to the current agenda – because if you’re gay and unhappy, that doesn’t prove cohesive to the narrative that “gay and proud” is the “right” way to be. I personally know two openly gay men and while one, “R”, admits his struggle with it (he hasn’t told his grandfather for fear of rejection), the other, “K”, drowns his very evident grief in alcohol and one-night stands with barely legal boys (he’s 26). “K” has his entire identity wrapped around being gay – truly, I haven’t heard him talk about anything else. He gets tattoos that are “pride” based; he talks about his escapades with a coy smugness; and he frequents a gay bar in town with the express purpose of finding someone to go home with. It grieves my soul to see these two men struggle against the yawning void that is not filled by any of their efforts to accept themselves. I’ve witnessed to both at one point but neither really seem intent on denying themselves (“R” said as much, “K” only hinted at it). I know only He saves, and He has done so before, but I still wish they would acknowledge their own unhappiness and find Him.

      If same-sex attraction and same-sex marriage were so successful and correct, why is there such an influx in SS divorce? Why do SS partners break up and date others and break up again with more frequency and intensity than heterosexual people? It’s self-worship at its most public, and it makes perfect sense that if you’re looking for a version of yourself that you can live with, you’ll use and lose many in that pilgrimage towards perfection.

      • Mensa Member

        Homosexuality is correlated to some bad things. The research backs this up.

        So, you are probably right about that. But your conclusions are dubious.

        When I see an alcoholic or suicidal gay teen, I don’t assume he’s that way because he’s gay! First of all, lots of teens experience that. More importantly, persecuted, harassed kids are more likely to experience that.

        The cause isn’t homosexuality. The cause is society’s mistreatment of homosexuals.

        • DCM7

          “The cause isn’t homosexuality. The cause is society’s mistreatment of homosexuals.”

          A common (and, frankly, lazy) claim, but it just doesn’t square with real life. And in this age where it’s increasingly far more dangerous to be anti-gay than gay, it’s a claim that’s getting harder and harder to defend.

          Other people, and groups of people, get mistreated without having the same effects. And the effects happen with “gays” even when the mistreatment isn’t there. I’ve been close enough to “gays” to see it for myself: the real issue is inside, not outside.

          • Mensa Member

            >> And in this age where it’s increasingly far more dangerous to be anti-gay than gay

            That’s an absolutely zany thing to say. You can’t possibly really believe that.

            Even here, in liberal Portland, gays still get harassed and beat up. I have never once heard of a heterosexual getting beat up for just being straight.

            Dude, think about it, with some compassion.

            I work in the public schools and I hear anti-gay slurs literally every day. I never hear anti-straight slurs. How do you think that affects the self-image of the gay students? I can’t imagine a child psychologist saying that’s good for gay kids.

          • Patti Sheffield

            Isn’t this projecting your personal experience onto the population as a whole, something you reject as “unscientific”? And now, you invoke compassion—a feeling—which is most certainly NOT scientific. Don’t invoke science when you believe it supports your assertions and emotion when it doesn’t. That’s inconsistent.

      • Mensa Member

        >> If same-sex attraction and same-sex marriage were so successful and correct, why is there such an influx in SS divorce?

        What are you talking about?

        >> As of 2011, for states with available data, one study initially reported
        that the dissolution rates for same-sex couples were slightly lower on
        average than divorce rates of different-sex couples.

        Badgett, M.V. Lee; Herman, Jody L. (November 2011). “Patterns of Relationship Recognition by Same-Sex Couples in the United States”. The Williams Institute, UCLA School of Law.

        But, to be fair, same sex marriage is so new that nobody can really know long-term outcomes. (But that didn’t stop you from making declarations!)

        • Hannah

          I make “declarations” about these things because according to my law book, the Bible, homosexuality is a sin and a direct perversion of God’s intended desire for marriage. As William Briggs mentioned in a previous article, not even esteemed science journals can be outright trusted anymore because they’ll accept most anything that sounds good and fits the preconceived narrative – not very scientific. Argue what you will, but this “science” that says there’s nothing wrong with same sex marriage and that it’s just as normal as heterosexual marriage is not as new as you allege the subject itself to be. As the author of Ecclesiastes writes, “There is nothing new under the sun.” This is all propaganda to try to verify the “realness” of these claims.

          Strangely enough, I don’t seem to remember saying that alcoholism and suicide were privy to just the homosexual community, and I certainly didn’t mention suicide at all. Now that you mention it, something to the tune of 40% of people who identify as gay or transgender have attempted suicide. Does that sound healthy to you? If this is normal behavior and the running narrative is supportive of this, why are these people still suffering? Easy: they’re practicing sin in hopes it’ll bring meaning to their lives without involving God. He never condoned this behavior and even goes so far as to say they will never inherit the kingdom. He said it, not me.

          • Mensa Member

            >> I make “declarations” about these things because according to my law
            book, the Bible, homosexuality is a sin and a direct perversion of God’s
            intended desire for marriage

            The bible clearly tells you to not bear false witness. You said that gay marriage ends in more divorce than straight marriage. You wrote:

            >> If same-sex attraction and same-sex marriage were so successful and
            correct, why is there such an influx in SS divorce? Why do SS partners
            break up and date others and break up again with more frequency and
            intensity than heterosexual people?

            Even if you honestly believe the bible backs up homophobia, it’s not a license to just make stuff up.

          • Hannah

            I’m not afraid of homosexuals and neither is God. Resorting to labels like that shows your hand, my friend.

            There’s nothing between my two statements you listed that have loose ends. According to Christian Post, a study was done in Sweden, where there has been same sex marriage for over two decades. After studying over 1500 unions, they came to the conclusion that gay couples were 35% more likely to divorce and lesbian couples were 200% more likely to divorce than heterosexual couples. In Britain, opposite-sex couples were 2.75 times more likely to break up in five years, while same-sex couples were 5.25 times more likely to end their relationship in that same time.

            So no, I’m not blowing smoke when I say they’re more likely to break up/divorce. Sorry you disagree with me, but I’m still sticking by God’s “homophobic” stance on this issue.

          • Emma2

            In a society where the “norm” is male/female marriage, I’d expect same sex couples to have marriage problems. They don’t really “fit in” to what many consider the norm for society. This would create depression and self-doubt, among other things. Unless the couple were particularly immune to the social environment, I’d expect trouble in their personal relationships.

    • Mensa Member

      >> As could be expected, there are the inevitable (and hopelessly fallacious) attempts to cast doubt on this story.

      Clearly, you are talking about me.

      I’m not using “science”… I’m citing science. Real-deal, peer-reviewed, research.

      And to be clear, I am not casting doubt on this man’s personal story. I don’t think he’s lying! But, I’m pointing out that his personal experience and dysfunction is not typical of most gays.

      • DCM7

        “I’m not using ‘science’… I’m citing science. Real-deal, peer-reviewed, research.”
        I have no doubt that you really believe that. But some of us know enough to know better.

        “I’m pointing out that his personal experience and dysfunction are his unique story.”
        The whole point is that his personal experience is *not* unique, or even uncommon.

        “And, I gotta add, does not square with what I know about my gay friends.”
        Then it’s likely you only know about them what they’d like you to know. Or, like many, you may just be missing what you’re not looking for. And that, unfortunately, tends to be the rule rather than the exception in our world.

        • Mensa Member

          People here asked for, and I have given, references. The science simply does not back up what this guys group Courage claims.

          Do you have a peer-reviewed source that homosexuality is caused by emotionally unavailable parents?

          C’mon man. Put up or catch up. The cause of homosexuality is complex with much still to learn but we do know some things that don’t cause it.

          • Nobody Specific

            So you admit we don’t know the cause but you are certain people are born that way. If its not nurture, than there have to be innate physical traits that are identifiable and they’d have to be present in very young people. Yet here we are 30 years of the human genome project, and no gay gene. Decades of FRMI data, no brain structure that strongly correlates with homosexuality. Face it, actual science has little to say on the subject. “Born that way” is just a hypothesis, as well supported as “Its a choice, born out of some need for attention, even if negative”

          • To the best of my knowledge there is not a genetic marker or brain structure that causes left-handedness. Maybe IT’S caused by childhood trauma, or lefties seducing people into the wicked leftie lifestyle.

          • Emma2

            I’ve wondered a long time about the left-handed business. I’m thinking it has to do with early development. It sounds weird, but could the way the fetus’s legs are crossed in the womb give an indication of left- or right- handedness? Shouldn’t be hard to do a study, given all the fetus gazing that goes on these days.

      • Jim Walker

        “And, I gotta add, does not square with what I know about my gay friends”.
        This sentence says you seemed to know your gay friends so well, you know they will never “come out as straight again in their lifetime”. The fact is, you don’t know them well enough, they are also not revealing to you their inner most thoughts and troubles, I’m 100% sure they are suffering deep down inside.
        Joseph’s story is to be celebrated, as many like him were able to “come out as straight”. If he can, all your friends can. It only takes time and God.

      • Paul

        “And to be clear, I am not casting doubt on this man’s personal story. I don’t think he’s lying! But, I’m pointing out that his personal experience and dysfunction are his unique story. To apply his story to all gays is very bad science.

        And, I gotta add, does not square with what I know about my gay friends.”

        But yet somehow applying the story of your homosexual friends to all homosexuals is good science?

        • Have you ever asked any of YOUR Gay friends about this?

          • Paul

            I know homossxuals, hard not to in California, but I wouldn’t call any my friends.

          • rubellapox2

            So you didn’t really know them…

          • Paul

            Never claimed I did, nor do they really know me.

        • rubellapox2

          Plus the other 9 to 10 million gay people in the USA alone…this one mans story is not all our stories…

  • Charles Burge

    They habitually renounced their selfish wants to more fully protect and provide for those assigned to their care.

    I think this is a better definition of true manhood than anything else I’ve ever seen. This needs to be repeated over and over again in every venue possible, because sadly, even many heterosexual men don’t understand this concept. Thank you for sharing your experiences (I’m sure that wasn’t easy), but thank you most of all for this one gem of a sentence.

  • Patmos

    God bless, Joseph. Greater is he that is in you than he that is in the world. There is more rejoicing in heaven over 1 saved person than 99 who are already saved, and that goes for anyone your story may lead to salvation. As evidenced in the comments below the world will hate you without cause, but let their hate be a testimony to the glory of the kingdom, because that’s what it is.

  • eddiestardust

    The Roman Catholic Church on Sexuality: For those who are single: Celibacy until marriage.
    For those who are gay: Celibacy. That’s the story, period.

    • TRANSLATION: “If you’re Straight, you get to date, get engaged, marry, and have love and commitment with a compatible person. If you’re Gay, all of that is out of the question, you have to be lonely and miserable for the rest of your life.”

      • Dean Bruckner

        “No one can be my disciple unless he takes up his cross daily and follows me.” –Jesus

        In my church. same sex attracted men and women are loved and welcomed. That is what the body of Christ is for, and for shaping us not after our own desires but the character of Christ. And for serving others with our gifts.

        • fights

          And that church is going against what God says in His Word about homosexuality. And He created them as male and female so the two can be as one.

          • Dean Bruckner

            I agree with you. We uphold the biblical view of purity and heterosexual marriage, which is that any sex outside it is sin. My point was that we still love those who believe differently on this teaching, but they cannot jobs n the church if they hold to their unbiblical belief.

        • Deplorable Rican ☨ʳᵉᵈᵉᵉᵐᵉᵈ

          Then your church is condemning their flock to HELL. Not very Christ-like

          • Dean Bruckner

            I think you misunderstood me. We preach and practice that ANY sex outside of heterosexual marriage is sin, and we hold our members to that standard, with church discipline as needed. But we love our brothers and sisters and we love our enemies, and everyone in between. We believe and teach that homosexual relationships are a counterfeit of God-designed heterosexual marriage. Someday we may go to prison or death for believing and teaching that truth. But God showed his love to us in this: while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

          • Deplorable Rican ☨ʳᵉᵈᵉᵉᵐᵉᵈ

            Then I apologize

          • Dean Bruckner

            Thanks, and no problem!

      • DCM7

        Classic example of a “straw-man” fallacy.

        Actual translation: If you are ready for the huge challenges and responsibilities that come with a godly marriage, and a qualified person (opposite sex, etc.) comes into your life who is also ready, then go for it. But if you’re just looking for sexuality to meet needs that it was never designed to — if you’re pursuing inappropriate partners, multiple partners, or just thinking marriage will solve everything for you — then go and get that straightened out first. If you’re really serious about taking that hard road, you will find God and others helping you along. Then you will be ready for a lifelong commitment that, with all its challenges, will be far more rewarding than what you were looking for on your own terms.

        BTW, I’m not just preaching a bunch of stuff that’s supposed to apply to others but not to myself. If I had known at 25 what I know now about what marriage — real marriage — truly requires of a man, I would have chosen celibacy in a heartbeat. And when I talk about people leaving same-sex attraction behind, I’m not speaking of a much more radical change than what I’ve had to experience myself.

  • Elizabeth Schmeidler

    The truth sets people free. The truth set you free and the truth you are sharing with the world will set others free. May God bless and keep you filled with joy in the knowing that God has always loved you and takes great delight in your obedience in putting Him and His will above ALL. So happy to witness and share you mission. <3

  • a.Christian.for.Ron.Paul

    @Joseph Sciambra , I enjoyed reading your testimony and I’m so glad you found your true identity in Christ!

  • Jeremy L

    We’re not on the same page on the definition of “gay” at all. I define it in terms of attraction, you seem to want to define it in terms of behavior. Being exclusively and permanently attracted to only the same sex is a real phenomenon. And this attraction to the same sex is what makes one “gay”. Whether or not you are having gay sex has nothing to do with whether or not you are gay. We simply do not know Sciambra’s sexual attractions. But if he is attracted to men, he is gay. Even if he isn’t “acting on it”. If he is gay, it is quite tragic he never knew his sexuality could be expressed in a loving relationship. Another possibility is that Sciambra is attracted to women, making him straight (yes, even while consenting to his male abusers; feelings of worthlessness can make one do things they would not ordinarily do). But we don’t know. Sciambra doesn’t divulge the gender he is attracted to. We don’t know his sexuality. All we know is that some men sexually abused him and he left that abuse. That does not equal a “gay to straight” change.

    • Shaquille Harvey

      1. When did I say it was not an attraction or that it was never involved?
      2. Yes I do know what constitutes as what being gay is
      3. “We simply do not know Sciambra’s sexual attractions.”
      But you go on to make accusations of it.
      ” it is quite tragic he never knew his sexuality could be expressed in a loving relationship. Another possibility is that Sciambra is attracted to women, making him straight (yes, even while consenting to his male abusers; feelings of worthlessness can make one do things they would not ordinarily do). ”
      1. How do know this for the sentence or even for this whole statement here, to be true ?
      2. Why, may I ask, has it got to be these two options why not another one ? You’re creating a sort of non sequitur dilemmatic situation here.
      “But we don’t know. Sciambra doesn’t divulge the gender he is attracted to. We don’t know his sexuality. All we know is that some men sexually abused him and he left that abuse.”
      Except we do know from his writings that he was same sex attracted and was in the gay lifestyle before leaving it.
      “That does not equal a “gay to straight” change.”
      No saying this however it just as wrong if not more to create a non sequitur situation without looking at all the options and cases. What if to say he was same sex attracted, and possibly to is, but homosexuality is not truest to his essence, being or very core and nature!?

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