Merry Vaxmas! My New Holiday Album Featuring Eric Metaxas

By John Zmirak Published on December 21, 2021

There’s nothing to lift up the spirits during a season of holy days like bitterly pointed satire. In case you missed it last year, I wrote and the great Eric Metaxas performed the election year hit, “Biden, Did You Know?” The poachers on social media platforms hunted it almost to extinction, but we found one version still alive in the wild. Please share it with the wee ones, as an election fraud teaching tool:
 

 
This year I decided to carry on the tradition. What better way to get prepared for the Feast of the Holy Innocents on Dec. 28, which marks the first executive order ever issued by a pro-choice Democrat governor?

How else should we get ready for New Year’s Eve, the time when we huddle indoors afraid of crazy drunk-driving idiots, and review the staggering catastrophe of the year that’s passing away? Or the bleary-eyed gray dawn on New Year’s Day, when two thoughts fight in our heads:

  1. The notion that 2022 couldn’t possibly be worse than 2021. And
  2. The memory that we thought the same thing a year ago, and the year before that. And each time we were wrong.

So, on with the music! I will provide updated lyrics to suit our very special times, and links to Karaoke versions that will help you to sing my versions at church groups, parents meetings, militia gatherings, or other events where federal agents are sure to be present and taping. Just some quick help on identifying our sometimes-shy Fed friends: Whoever suggests doing something blatantly illegal, especially violent? He’s the Fed! Walk right up to him and shake his hand and thank him for his service. Then lead everybody else out of the room to have the meeting somewhere else. Let the fed enjoy the cookies all to himself.

Caesar Baby

What Christmas would be complete without the classic love song made timeless by Eartha Kitt, “Santa Baby”? If your church growing up was anything like mine, this was a carol the girls learned early on, and found meaningful ever after in their interactions with boys.

I’ll provide a link to Kitt’s original, along with my own lyrics, adapted to suit our church leaders in the age of absolute servility to Caesar. I like to think of one of my own Catholic bishops sitting in Joe Biden’s lap to sing it, but you must adapt to suit your own faith tradition and sold-out leaders.

 

 

Caesar baby, carve out a tax exemption for me, you see
I’ve been an awful good church.
Caesar baby, and hurry to our hot-tub tonight.
Caesar baby, a fat non-profit contract would taste so great.
I’ll repeat all you say.
Caesar baby, and hurry to our hot-tub tonight.

Think of all the months I closed
Think of all the liberties I helped you dispose.
Next year I could kneel before the Vax,
A biblical amnesiac.
Boo doo bee doo
Caesar honey, I want the borders open, and more warm bodies in pews.
I’ve been a court dwarf all year.
Caesar baby, and hurry to the hot-tub tonight

Last Vaccine

Are your pro-vax friends getting on your case? Not inviting you to the “cool” parties or “salaried” workplaces because you won’t get that ultra-fashionable “Mark of the Best” on your body? If your objection to the vaccine is like mine, then it make sense to adapt this classic Wham song to a catechetical purpose. Next time the original comes on, use that as a teaching moment with your friends. These lyrics come from the point of view of Johanna, the girl who was aborted in 1972, whose kidney was key to producing or testing every one of the COVID vaccines:
 

 

Your last vaccine
Was made from my parts
Researchers like you cloned in ‘72.
God forbids,
So this year’s kids
Deserve a Christian burial.

I could write some additional verses, but I don’t really think they’re necessary here.

The Twelve Days of Vaxmas

This holiday favorite needs no introduction or explanation.
 

 

In the first month of Vaxmas
Our Fauci sent to me
A virus worse than Hep-C.

In the second month of Vaxmas
Our Fauci sent to me
Two weeks of lockdown
And a virus worse than Hep-C!

In the third month of Vaxmas
Our Fauci sent to me
Three false tests
Two weeks of lockdown
And a virus worse than Hep-C!

In the fourth month of Vaxmas
Our Fauci sent to me
Four useless masks
Three false tests
Two weeks of lockdown
And a virus worse than Hep-C!

In the fifth month of Vaxmas
Our Fauci sent to me
Five Youtube Bans
Four useless masks
Three false tests
Two weeks of lockdown
And a virus worse than Hep-C!

In the sixth month of Vaxmas
Our Fauci sent to me
Six feet of distance 
Five Youtube Bans
Four useless masks
Three false tests
Two weeks of lockdown
And a virus worse than Hep-C!

In the seventh month of Vaxmas
Our Fauci sent to me
Seven doctors lying
Six feet of distance
Five Youtube Bans
Four useless masks
Three false tests
Two weeks of lockdown
And a virus worse than Hep-C!

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In the eighth month of Vaxmas
Our Fauci sent to me
Eight humanized mice
Seven doctors lying
Six feet of distance
Five Youtube Bans
Four useless masks
Three false tests
Two weeks of lockdown
And a virus worse than Hep-C!

In the ninth month of Vaxmas
Our Fauci sent to me
Nine fetal kidneys
Eight humanized mice
Seven doctors lying
Six feet of distance
Five Youtube Bans
Four useless masks
Three false tests
Two weeks of lockdown
And a virus worse than Hep-C!

In the tenth month of Vaxmas
Our Fauci sent to me
Ten amendments shredded
Nine fetal kidneys
Eight humanized mice
Seven doctors lying
Six feet of distance
Five Youtube Bans
Four useless masks
Three false tests
Two weeks of lockdown
And a virus worse than Hep-C!

In the eleventh month of Vaxmas
Our Fauci sent to me
Eleven jobless nurses
Ten amendments shredded
Nine fetal kidneys
Eight humanized mice
Seven doctors lying
Six feet of distance
Five Youtube Bans
Four useless masks
Three false tests
Two weeks of lockdown
And a virus worse than Hep-C!

In the twelfth month of Vaxmas
Our Fauci sent to me
Twelve kids with myocarditis
Eleven jobless nurses
Ten amendments shredded
Nine fetal kidneys
Eight humanized mice
Seven doctors lying
Six feet of distance
Five Youtube Bans
Four useless masks
Three false tests
Two weeks of lockdown
And a virus worse than Hep-C!

Merry Vaxmas to all, and to all a good night.

 

John Zmirak is a senior editor at The Stream and author or co-author of ten books, including The Politically Incorrect Guide to Immigration and The Politically Incorrect Guide to Catholicism. He is co-author with Jason Jones of “God, Guns, & the Government.”

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