Loneliness: Its Dangers, Its Cures

Loneliness in our country is a virtual epidemic.

By Rob Schwarzwalder Published on August 9, 2017

When you think of a public health crisis, you might think of a contagious disease or a dangerous virus. You probably won’t think of something that burdens the soul and only then attacks the body.

Yet according to the American Psychological Association (APA), “Loneliness and social isolation could be a greater public health hazard than obesity, and their impact will continue to grow.”

This conclusion is based on two major studies involving hundreds of thousands of participants. The studies found that “social isolation, loneliness or living alone” have “a significant and equal effect on the risk of premature death, one that was equal to or exceeded the effect of other well-accepted risk factors such as obesity.”

Loneliness is nothing new. In fact, at the very dawn of time, the Creator said of the first man, Adam, “It is not good for the man to be alone.” So, He made Adam “a helper suitable for him” (Genesis 2:18). And the rest is, quite literally, history.

So it has gone throughout the ages. “Turn to me and be gracious to me, for I am lonely and afflicted,” wrote David in one of his songs to the Lord. “Relieve the troubles of my heart and free me from my anguish” (Psalm 25:16-17). 

But now loneliness in our country and in many parts of the world is a virtual epidemic. “Approximately 42.6 million adults over age 45 in the United States are estimated to be suffering from chronic loneliness,” one of the studies in the APA report says. What’s more, “more than a quarter of the population lives alone (and) more than half of the population is unmarried.”

From Individualism to Isolation

Why is this happening? 

One reason is our fierce independence. America has been built by men and women who don’t take no for an answer. They don’t look for group approval, and are willing to go against the grain of convention. They reject warnings that “it can’t be done.” Their bravery and innovation have made our country prosperous and free.

But this same mentality can alienate and isolate us. Without the leavening of relationship, rugged individualism can lead to very lonely individuals.

Another reason is the simple pace of life: We’re so very busy that carving out time for real friendships can be hard. It’s so much easier to tweet, text, Snapchat, or whatever the newest technique might be.

Without the leavening of relationship, rugged individualism can lead to very lonely individuals.

Sadly, this appeal to social media can make things worse. “Americans in the 21st century devote more technology to staying connected than any society in history, yet somehow the devices fail us,” wrote Jacqueline Olds and Richard S. Schwartz in their 2009 book, The Lonely American.  

A study published just last month in The American Journal of Preventive Medicine shows that “people who reported spending the most time on social media — more than two hours a day — had twice the odds of perceived social isolation than those who said they spent a half hour per day or less on those sites.”

There’s an ironic twist to this: As we grow lonelier, the more we seek virtual relationships. “The more isolated we feel, the more we retreat online,” writes Caroline Beaton in Forbes. “The Internet is perhaps the best example to date of our futile attempt to flush away loneliness.”

Lost Intimacy

The sexual revolution has done its work, as well. If men can have sex pretty much whenever they want it, many will. For both men and women, the constraints of chastity prior to marriage and fidelity within it plummet when moral virtue declines.  Elective abortion and birth control pills add to this tragic mix.

But sex without relationship denies the personhood of the partners. It objectifies for pleasure, rather than fulfilling for love. And for many, especially women, sex is a fleeting imitation of the intimacy for which they long.  

“42.6 million adults over age 45 in the United States are estimated to be suffering from chronic loneliness.”

In sum, we need relationships, real ones. Social media are fine in their place, but are no substitute for face-to-face intimacy. For the facial expressions, vocal inflections, and body language of another image-bearer of God.

The newest therapeutic gimmick, five-point outline, or Dr. Phil-esque advice turns our heads. We seize one life-preserver after another instead of kneeling before the One Who alone can rescue for all time.

This is like eating cotton candy instead of a wholesome meal. Initially, the high is satisfying. Then comes the slump, the fatigue, the sense of frustration. And the loneliness.

Some of us take things a step further. Opioids, alcohol, and other chemical escapes temporarily mask our pain. But they implant within us the seeds of death, seeds whose roots strangulate the heart and crush the mind and body, both. 

The God Who is Close

The Triune God exists in an eternal union of loving relationship. He models for us what it means to know and be known by another. “There was never a time when the Trinity was not in relationship,” writes Anglican pastor Sam Allberry in his wonderful book, Connected: Living in the Light of the Trinity. “And the relationships of the Trinity have always been perfect.”

This is where loneliness meets its match: The Triune God, Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, made us in His image (Genesis 1:26). He made us to enjoy relationship with the kind of richness, beauty, goodness, and truth He has experienced from all eternity.

That Redeemer, Jesus, promises to be with us always, however lonely we might feel.

That means that we seek friends to minister to them. To challenge and be challenged, to laugh and foster joy, to love, accept, and forgive. To know and be known. To be human, bearing God’s image with ever greater completion.

That takes courage and likely means some rejection. It might mean we will need to seek counsel to conquer social fear and leave depression behind. It might mean a fast from social media. It might mean discomfort in attending events where true fellowship can begin.

God has placed Christians in the body of His Son, through which we are connected with other believers and with our Redeemer Himself.

That Redeemer, Jesus, promises to be with us always, however lonely we might feel. We know His presence through our brothers and sisters in Him. But we also know Him in the quiet moments, the times we are fighting hard against loneliness. He is with us then. That’s real, whether we feel it or not. 

Why? He promised that He would be in all who know Him. He keeps His word, like any good friend does. Like one who “sticks closer than a brother” (Proverbs 18:24).

Print Friendly, PDF & Email

Like the article? Share it with your friends! And use our social media pages to join or start the conversation! Find us on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, MeWe and Gab.

Inspiration
The Scarcity Mindset
Robert Morris
More from The Stream
Connect with Us