I Know Who Will Replace Kamala Harris as VP

By John Zmirak Published on January 10, 2022

It’s no secret that top Democrats are unhappy with the outcome of the 2020 election. Yes, yes, they managed to get enough sacks of fake ballots from Santa delivered at 4 a.m. to swing the final vote count. Enough judges were either biased or afraid of Antifa torching their homes that not one would consider challenges to illegal and outrageous voting practices in swing states across the country.

Fox News, thanks to Paul Ryan’s leadership at News Corp., chimed in and joined the gaslighting effort. Leading Republicans refused to challenge vote totals or electors. Meanwhile FBI infiltrators hijacked the January 6 election integrity rally. That gave Capitol Police the pretext to tear gas and beat up hundreds of citizens, then imprison almost 100 in GITMO conditions indefinitely without court dates. A Stalinist purge trial conducted in the House of Representatives right now aims at seizing the emails and files of every grassroots conservative activist in America.

All that’s fine, and in the greater American tradition — insofar as Venezuela, Cuba, and Bolivia are part of the Americas. The point is, we have precedent for it.

The Democrats Scraped the Barrel

But in a broader sense, Democrats aren’t happy. The way their primaries played out, none of the younger talent they’d hoped might attract a following did so. Remember Squeaky Pete Buttigieg? Senator Pocahontas? Mike “Come Sit on My Lap, Young Lady” Bloomberg? All tremendous flops. Even worse was the creepy, inhuman Kamala Harris — a woman of slender assets who’d slept her way to the middle of California politics, who talks to voters as if they were slow children whom she hates, and cackles like a witch. Even Harris’s closest friends, sources report, admit that they don’t like her.

By 2024, Joe Biden is likely to be actually licking doorknobs and jumping on foreign diplomats’ legs like a badly trained Lab puppy.

Instead, voters rallied behind the wizened, bizarre figure of Bolshevik Bernie Sanders. He at least meant what he said, even if what he was saying was that we should trust Comrade Bukharin to implement the Five Year Plan successfully, despite the Trotskyite wreckers.

To stop Sanders from leading the party off the left cliff to defeat, Democrat power-brokers fixed the race (yes, I’m confident, fixed it, actually stole it) for the shambling zombie Joe Biden. He had old “moderate” credentials, in the sense that said racist things and made friends of segregationists. Since his only ruling passions are ambition and venal greed, once he picked up his Presidential Participation Trophy, he didn’t really care what would happen while he was in office. So long as Chinese money kept flowing into his coffers, and nurses kept his pants clean and brought him lots of ice cream, he’d sign off on anything. That’s how we ended up governed by The Secret Committee Formerly Known As Joe Biden (TSCFKAJB) as POTUS.

The Secret Committee Formerly Known As Joe Biden

Remember King Theoden in The Two Towers before Gandalf showed up? That’s Biden on his good days, with Jill as Grima Wormtongue, playing ventriloquist to the meat puppet that is her husband. Who is actually in charge of the world’s most powerful nation?

Isn’t it fun — if a tad post-constitutional — to play at that guessing game?

The members of TSCFKAJB are a better kept secret than the roster of Skull and Bones. But my guess is that the big decisions — like handing Afghanistan to China, decreeing joblessness for anyone who refuses the Dead Baby Vax — get made by the Deep State actors who signed a certain letter in Fall 2020. Remember that bipartisan cabal of Clintonite Democrats and Planned Parenthood (Bush) Republicans that swore up and down the Hunter Biden laptop was “Russian disinformation”? Those are the people in charge. Let’s call them, neutrally, The Conspiracy.

The Conspiracy isn’t happy about a president who will repeat and endorse “Let’s Go Brandon!” on national television. What if a future Christmas Eve caller suggests that he resign, moon the camera, or launch nukes at Liechtenstein? Nor do they want to replace The Former Joe with the Mean Lady from the DMV, who might not carry her home state, or even the votes of her own staffers.

I Am the Man with a Plan

But I have found a solution. If I still went to Yale reunions, I might try to use those connections to quietly slip my idea to The Conspiracy, perhaps by writing a memo on vellum in my own blood, and leaving it under a marble bust of Bismarck in some hunting lodge in Connecticut. But that means is unreliable. My elite ties have frayed. So instead let me air the idea here, confident that the FBI agents who carefully read The Stream to plan future investigations will pass it up the food chain.

I have found a political candidate who could replace Kamala Harris as Vice President. Harris can be amputated cleanly by digging up some scandal, the way Nixon’s people got rid of Spiro Agnew. Knee-deep as she was in Planned Parenthood’s plot to illegally sell baby parts, Harris no doubt has some adult-size skeletons in her closet. Perhaps even literal ones, tied up in old Hefty bags.

The Democrats need at least one person in the White House who’s not a character from The Munsters. Someone who might conceivably run as incumbent in 2024, by which point the former Joe Biden is likely to be actually licking doorknobs and jumping on foreign diplomats’ legs like a badly trained Lab puppy.

The Woman Who Best Represents Democrats

And I have the candidate. She’s young and pleasant looking. She’s white, which is a minus, but she is at least a woman. (Albeit a cis-woman, which is always second best.) What’s more she is from Texas, a state that Democrats are desperate to get back into play. She’s also part of the beating heart of the Democratic party’s crucial core constituency: lazy, selfish, entitled public school teachers. And she’s a mom concerned about COVID and her child.

Read this news report: 

HOUSTON – A mother has been charged after her 13-year-old son was found in the trunk of her car at a Cy-Fair ISD drive-thru COVID testing site, the Harris County District Attorney’s Office confirmed.

Sarah Beam has been charged with endangering a child. Cy-Fair ISD Police Department said a warrant has been issued for her arrest.

According to court documents, on Jan. 3, Beam pulled into the drive-thru testing site located at 11355 Falcon Road in northwest Harris County, when a witness reported hearing something in the trunk. The witness said when Beam unlatched the trunk, the boy was found lying down inside.

Court documents said the witnesses told Beam she would not receive a COVID test until the child was removed from the trunk and placed in the back seat of the vehicle. The witness then called police.

Beam allegedly told authorities her son had tested positive for COVID-19 and she was taking him to the site for additional testing. In order to protect herself from being exposed, Beam decided to put the boy in the trunk of the car.

According to Cy-Fair ISD, Beam most recently worked as a teacher at Cypress Falls High School and has been employed by the district since 2011. She is now on administrative leave.

Sarah Beam: For Us, Each One of Us Alone

Sarah Beam: A mother. An experienced teacher. An American who takes COVID seriously, and understands the mortal threat it poses to healthy adults. Sarah Beam has her priorities straight, and they are those of the Democratic party. She knows that it’s crucial to vaccinate young children, cancel their school years, force them to wear masks all through their key developmental milestones, and otherwise put their interests a distant second or third. If that’s what it takes to calm the anxieties of young adults and the middle-aged.

To paraphrase Whitney Houston, Beam believes that children are a nuisance. And what’s more they are resilient. We can live our sex lives, write our divorce laws, and run up the national debt entirely without worrying what will happen to them. The Sexual Revolution proved that: they’ll just have to figure it out.

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Doubtless Beam supports the whole “children-optional” agenda of the Democratic party. It starts with Morning After pills in vending machines at colleges, then high schools, then middle schools. It extends to massive daycare and afterschool programs designed to minimize exposure of children to their parents. Instead (once fully vaccinated, so they’re not filthy vectors of contagion) our young people must spend as much time as possible with unfireable government employees like … Sarah Bream.

I think that’s a message that will resonate with millions of suburban moms who think and act like Sarah Bream. They are the core of the Democratic Party, and it’s time they had a voice in the White House.



John Zmirak is a senior editor at The Stream and author or co-author of ten books, including The Politically Incorrect Guide to Immigration and The Politically Incorrect Guide to Catholicism. He is co-author with Jason Jones of “God, Guns, & the Government.”

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