Could It Be That the Republicans Actually Want to Win?

By John Zmirak Published on August 20, 2020

Some people are joking that the Democrats clearly don’t want to win the White House. How else to explain the recent behavior of party leaders nationwide? I’d have loved to be a fly on the wall at the Zoom meeting where some strategist laid out his plan.

Okay, we’ve spent years indulging every crackpot conspiracy theory we could to nullify people’s votes in 2016. We wasted most of Trump’s time in office, and blunted his key ideas. Now we just have to run out the clock. I think what’s most important at this point is … to keep the loyalty of 29-year-old white guys who live in their parents’ basements. If we don’t have their enthusiasm, energy, and talent, we’re lost. So here’s what we’re gonna let them do:

Anything they want. Just let them run wild. They can put on Ninja Turtle get-ups and hockey masks like Jason in Halloween. Then beat up whoever they please. Let ‘em … shine lasers into cops’ eyes and blind them, doesn’t matter. We’ll just redefine whatever they do as a “peaceful protest.” And anybody who criticizes them we’ll accuse of being a “racist.”

Also, to keep the vital swing constituency of twenty-something enraged black ex-cons, we’ll let those folks loot whatever stores they want in any city we control. That will convince Americans that we’re serious about Change.

If someone at the meeting raised any objections, this Democrat kingmaker had a ready answer:

Listen, listen, I get it. You think it’s risky. But we have that covered. We’re going to reassure the timid, suburban voters by having an old hippy and a black tranny sing a tune from the 1960s, all about riots.


And we’ll spread the rumor that the president is going to take away people’s mailboxes. Everyone loves all the mail that comes every day, especially the companies that manufacture shredders. That will also make sure that federal employees vote Democrat. We’ll get Bill Clinton on TV to talk about restoring dignity to the White House. And Michelle Obama to scare people that they might disappoint her again. We’ll even get Andrew Cuomo out there as the public face of our COVID response. I mean, who isn’t sick of their whiny old grandparents, right? Certainly not the people who stick them in nursing homes.

The Old GOP: Losing Gracefully to the Globetrotters

Of course no such meeting happened. As I wrote in my last column, what’s really driving the Democrats is frustration and rage. They don’t believe that Republicans have the right to govern anywhere, and they seem intent on scaring people into voting them into office — with threats of more riots and rumors of actual secession should they lose.

They seem to imagine that this is the same GOP they faced in 2008 and 2012— that is, the Washington Generals, whose job it is to lose gracefully and make the Globetrotters look good. But that Republican party died with John McCain. It was buried along with him inside his pyramid, right on the National Mall. I remember watching Dubya hold hands with Michelle Obama at the funeral and between them they shed a tear.

Some Nervy Choices for the GOP Convention

By contrast, the Trump campaign has made some really solid, smart decisions recently. Perhaps it finally shook the influence of establishment Republicans, who cooperated with Democrats in frittering away two whole years of GOP control of Congress, and Trump’s first two years in power.

To keep the vital swing constituency of twenty-something enraged black ex-cons, we’ll let those folks loot whatever stores they want.

The most encouraging bits of news entail whom the Republicans will feature at their convention.

Nick Sandmann, the young man who as a minor had the gall, the sheer caucasity, to attend a pro-life rally, wear a MAGA hat, and wait for a bus. He aggressively stood his ground for an hour as Black Hebrew Israelites (Black Lives Matter’s JV team, some say) called on him to apologize and take a knee. But would he? No. He callously ignored the pleas of these vulnerable Americans that he and his “faggot” friends “go straight to hell,” with all the other “white devils.”

Then, as the mainstream media told it, he grossly mocked and humiliated an Indian tribal elder who marched on him with a war drum, by not running for cover, but standing still and smiling while white. Sandmann’s offenses, carefully curated by the media, sent major conservative commentators screaming for their fainting couch, from which they joined his own Catholic bishop, thin-skinned pro-life leaders, and all of America’s chattering class in denouncing him.

Joking aside, Sandmann’s grace and self-restraint, and the dignified way he pursued the rule of law to make the media pay in court for their lies, should inspire us. He’s an icon of how the “cancel culture” targets Americans for holding to their beliefs with false, hysterical charges and real-world threats of ruin. This underdog took on the richest man on earth, Jeff Bezos who owns the Washington Post, and won. He made CNN squeal like a pig. I want to hear from him, and so do most Americans.

No, You Don’t Get to Kill My Dog

Mark and Patricia McCloskey. That’s right, the couple in St. Louis who faced a mob of “peaceful protesters” swarming over their front lawns, shouting threats to burn their historic home and kill their dog. The McCloskeys waved around two guns (one of them an inoperable prop — don’t do this people), to scare them off. Nobody got hurt.

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So of course the local prosecutor, installed with the money Marxist capitalist George Soros made by raping Asian economies, took action. She charged these two citizens with felonies. Instead of throwing these people under the bus, as GOP leaders in 2008 or 2012 would have done, Trump championed them. Now the party is highlighting them, as icons of law-abiding Americans faced with political mobs, and elected officials ready to shred the Constitution. Bravo!

An Apostate from Abortianity

Abby Johnson. She’s the closest thing we have in these post-Cold War years to a defector from the Soviet Communist Party. Or an apostate priestess from the Democrats’ established religion, Abortianity. She will highlight the absolute extremism of the Democrats’ stance on the subject. (Abortion on demand, for all nine months of pregnancy, for any reason, in 50 states, on the taxpayer’s dime.) A former clinic director for Planned Parenthood, she will speak (I hope) to that organization’s blatantly racist roots. To its sale of human baby parts, which Kamala Harris tried to cover up by imprisoning the reporters who exposed it.

It’s invigorating to see the GOP fully embrace cultural, social, and moral issues like this. And a real contrast to previous years, when the party seemed desperate to appeal to the basest human impulses. That is, to people who wanted to make a little more money, pay a little less tax, and not have to think about anything unpleasant.

That kind of Republican isn’t in charge anymore. In fact, they’re over at the Democrat convention, faintly waving rah-rah as has-beens like John Kasich and Christine Todd Whitman join never-wases like Susan Molinari, and some 80 percent of the 100 or so NeverTrump Republicans still left in the country. They’re championing “traditional norms” and “civility” at a convention whose agenda is set by Antifa. I wish them lots of luck, and hope that militants decide to “occupy” their hotel.

A Moment of Silence for the Fallen

There’s just one thing missing, but there’s still time to fix it. You know what the GOP needs at its convention? Something addressing the pandemic, and the contrast between the two parties’ track records in fighting it.

In all seriousness, I urge the Republicans to observe a full minute of silence, in honor of the tens of thousands of American seniors who needlessly died in nursing homes, where Democrat governors dumped COVID patients, for no apparent reason. The hall should be darkened at first, until thousands of candles, one for each victim of Andrew Cuomo, Gavin Newsome, or other Democrat governors’ callous cruelty. By the time a candle burns for each of those souls, the room will be blazing like noontide.


John Zmirak is a senior editor at The Stream, and author or co-author of ten books, including The Politically Incorrect Guide to Immigration and The Politically Incorrect Guide to Catholicism. He is co-author with Jason Jones of “God, Guns, & the Government.”

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