Justin Trudeau (Accidentally) Makes the World Happy (See #TrudeauEulogies)
Note: This has been updated three times since publication. See the end for the new eulogies.
Canada’s prime minister Justin Trudeau didn’t mean to give the world so much pleasure when he issued his official statement on the death of Fidel Castro. He was only sharing the sincere feelings of a wealthy leftist who got to live in Canada and not in Cuba, when one of the guys on his t-shirt died.
But ignite a fire of creativity and satire he did, with this line in particular: “While a controversial figure, both Mr. Castro’s supporters and detractors recognized his tremendous dedication and love for the Cuban people who had a deep and lasting affection for ‘el Comandante.’” (Read the whole thing for the full comic effect.)
To be fair to the prime minister, he never went as far as his brother Alexandre did, writing in The Toronto Star about ten years ago. Castro, declared starstruck Alexandre, was “something of a superman … an expert on genetics, on automobile combustion engines, on stock markets. On everything.” The Cuban people “do occasionally complain, often as an adolescent might complain about a too strict and demanding father.”
Trudeau has since tried to explain himself, but not effectively. “He certainly was a polarizing figure and there certainly were significant concerns around human rights,” he told reporters yesterday. He didn’t retract or change his statement.
And the World Responded
The world responded to the young Mr. Trudeau’s praise with the creation of #TrudeauEulogies. These short, Twitter-length eulogies, do for various real and fictional villains what Trudeau did for Castro, but with a twist. They’re technically right, yet completely wrong.
Like this one, about the Japanese prime minister (and war criminal) who ordered the attack on Pearl Harbor:
“While a controversial figure, General Tojo brought America into World War II and ultimately helped shorten the war.” #trudeaueulogies
— Andrew Coyne (@acoyne) November 26, 2016
Here are some others. But first let me warn readers that the cleverest TrudeauEulogies are dark. Some were just too grim to use. They’re making fun of Trudeau’s eulogizing a wicked man with imitations eulogizing other wicked men, and written to drive the comparison home hard. Like this one about the fictional cannibal, and the next one too:
While controversial, Hannibal Lecter always had great taste in people. #TrudeauEulogies
— Lucas Castrellón (@lucascas82) November 27, 2016
#trudeaueulogies Today I bid adieu to Jeffrey Dahmer, known for his culinary adventurism. For Jeffrey there were no taboos in the kitchen.
— Richard Ciano (@richardciano) November 26, 2016
Others were also dark, like the next few:
A quiet loner with a quick wit, Osama Bin Laden inspired tremendous advances in air transportation security methodologies. #TrudeauEulogies
— Chris D. Lewis (@ChrisLewisLLS) November 26, 2016
Henry VIII: dedicated ruler who stayed focused & calm while those around him kept losing their heads #trudeaueulogies
— RWP (@rwp1699) November 27, 2016
There were controversies, as with every full life, but above all Adolf Eichmann taught us the importance of planning. #TrudeauEulogies
— John Schindler (@20committee) November 26, 2016
On the drug kingpin who escaped from a supposedly maximum security Mexican prison:
Today we remember Pablo Escobar, a courageous science enthusiast, loved forests, helped young women lose weight in America. #trudeaueulogy
— Mike Wiener (@MikeWiener) November 27, 2016
On the Soviet dictator:
"Mr. Stalin's greatest achievement was his eradication of obesity in the Ukraine through innovative agricultural reforms." #TrudeauEulogies
— Melissa Lantsman (@MelissaLantsman) November 26, 2016
It’s a reference to the now often forgotten famine he created in Ukraine in the 30s, which killed millions, called the Holodomor.
On the late Libyan dictator:
#TrudeauEulogies "He took an interest in airplanes, Irish independence & supported women in the military, we'll miss Muammar Gaddafi"
— Alberta: Strong, Independent & Free (@UWork4It) November 26, 2016
On the late Iraqi dictator:
#TrudeauEulogies "Saddam Hussein, a stabalizing influence in Iraqi politics, he loved to vacation in Kuwait & was proud of his sons hobbies"
— Alberta: Strong, Independent & Free (@UWork4It) November 26, 2016
On the North Korean dictator:
"While a controversial figure, Kim Jong-il's commitment to minimizing N. Korea's greenhouse gas emissions was admirable." #trudeaueulogies
— Mike (@MISinYEG) November 26, 2016
On an ancient dictator:
I offer my condolences to the family of Genghis Khan, a controversial figure but also created a bond between East and West #trudeaueulogies
— Josh Hood (@ncpack2010) November 26, 2016
On the Belgian king who ran the Congo for his personal enrichment and let possibly ten million die under his company’s regime:
Belgian King Leopold II will be remembered as a complex figure who did much to further industrial productivity in Congo #trudeaueulogies
— Vladislav Davidzon (@VladDavidzon) November 27, 2016
On St. John the Baptist’s killer:
While controversial, Herod Antipas was a dedicated patron of the dancing art and showed great love for his step-daughter. #trudeaueuologies
— Joe Grabowski (@ArthurInglewood) November 27, 2016
Many people used fictional characters (see the later additions below for more examples). Like Queen Medea:
We mourn Queen Medea. She loved her family and introduced new ways of dealing with divorce and child custody issues. #Trudeaueulogies
— Ellen Anderson ن (@MochaLite) November 27, 2016
For those not up on their Greek mythology, she was a sorceress who in one version of the story killed her children for vengeance against her husband.
And the Borg from Star Trek:
While controversial, the Borg always aspired to egalitarianism and inclusiveness, accepting all race and culture. #trudeaueulogies
— Bálint Táborszki (@cantharism) November 26, 2016
On the main character of Alfred Hitchcock’s movie Psycho:
Today we mourn the loss of Norman Bates, a family man who was truly defined by his devotion to his mother. #trudeaueulogies
— Mike Hogan (@tsnmikehogan) November 26, 2016
Lots of people chose Star Wars characters:
Jabba the Hut will be remembered as a powerful voice against radical religious fighters and their mercenary allies #trudeaueulogies
— Dr. Shadow (@megadave5000) November 27, 2016
"While controversial, Darth Vader achieved great heights in space construction & played a formative role in his son's life" #trudeaueulogies
— Jason Markusoff (@markusoff) November 26, 2016
Others chose the Harry Potter stories.
While a controversial figure, Voldemort was certainly humble, affectionately known as "He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named." #trudeaueulogies
— Sandra Laguerta (@SandraLaguerta) November 26, 2016
And cartoon characters were also mentioned:
#trudeaueulogies A shout out to Curella De Vil for her devotion, time, energy and financial support to puppy furriers worldwide.
— ElleSea Oasis (@ElleSeaU) November 27, 2016
Here’s one from a friend I can’t find on Twitter. From Mitch Muncy:
Macbeth will be remembered for his openness to the voices of women.
And here’s mine:
… among Mao's signal achievements was introducing millions of city dwellers to country living #trudeaueulogies
— David Mills (@DavidMillsWrtng) November 27, 2016
Later: Here are some new ones:
Jefferson Davis staked his political career on the cause of full employment for African-Americans. #Trudeaueulogies
— Rod Dreher (@roddreher) November 27, 2016
Despite spending most of life a captive of the prison-industrial complex, Charles Manson remained a committed family man. #Trudeaueulogies
— Rod Dreher (@roddreher) November 27, 2016
Against all odds, Charles Manson not only kept his family together, he made sure they achieved most of their squad goals #trudeaueulogies
— Nick Gillespie (@nickgillespie) November 27, 2016
"Mr. Bin Laden was an avid aviation enthusiast, cave explorer, and hide-and-seek champion." #trudeaueulogies
— Mat (@sunnyright) November 27, 2016
Benedict Arnold: A hero whose loyalties were too wide to be confined within the narrow boundaries of a single cause. #Trudeaueulogies
— Walter Russell Mead (@wrmead) November 26, 2016
"Saruman, an inventor and humanist, modernized Rohan's economy. A multiculturalist, he improved relations with orcs." #trudeaueulogies
— Robby Soave (@robbysoave) November 26, 2016
I might be adding more. These are addictive.
Still Later, More Eulogies
It is far too easy to minimize the role John Wayne Gacy played in bringing national attention to local children's theater. #Trudeaueulogies
— Rod Dreher (@roddreher) November 27, 2016
Today we mourn the passing of the Emperor, a Sith lord who electrified his followers. #trudeaueulogies
— Andrew Klavan (@andrewklavan) November 26, 2016
Though he didn't shy away from controversy Pharaoh will be remembered for enhancing labor productivity in Egypt. #trudeaueulogies
— Sohrab Ahmari (@SohrabAhmari) November 26, 2016
King Claudius I of Denmark will be remembered for his decisive leadership and his charity toward his brother's widow. #TrudeauEulogies
— Nicholas Gallagher (@ngallagherAI) November 26, 2016
Not even innocence could protect a suspect when Lavrenti Beria put his talents to work. A uniquely successful detective. #Trudeaueulogies
— Walter Russell Mead (@wrmead) November 27, 2016
Still Later, After a Friend Alerted Me to #TrudeauEulogy
#trudeaueulogy Voldermort's frequent purges of older members of staff at Hogwarts helped to propel the academy of magic into the modern era.
— backwards 7 ✘ (@backwards7) November 26, 2016
Today we mourn the death of Pontius Pilate, known for his dedication to personal hygiene. #TrudeauEulogy @JustinTrudeau
— Dave Smith (@SemperLibertas) November 26, 2016
"Today we thank Boka Haram for his dedication to childcare." #trudeaueulogy
— Cory Brow (@cbrow47) November 26, 2016
Although criticized for his vigorous defense of his political position, Herod left an indelible mark on a whole generation. #TrudeauEulogy
— (((Weaned Child))) (@prosehaikus) November 26, 2016