Twitter, news sites and cable channels have filled in recent days with assorted predictions and prognostications for 2019. We thought it’d be fun to predict — or imagine — some of things you won’t hear in 2019. 

With tongue firmly planted in cheek …

Quotes We Will Not Hear in 2019

“I am soooo over Twitter” — President Donald Trump.

“My bad” — President Donald Trump.

“You’re right, Nancy. Instead of a wall, just telling illegals ‘pretty please, don’t come’ will work just fine.” — President Donald Trump.

“I’m hoping my next grandkid is named Donald” — Sen. Mitt Romney.

“Man, I miss being Chief of Staff,” Gen. John Kelly.

“Run, Hillary Run!” — Democratic National Committee.

“I went up to the White House for a pow-wow with the President” — Sen. Elizabeth Warren.

“DeNiro’s my favorite actor” – President Donald Trump.

“First off, I want to thank my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ” – 2019 Academy Award winner.

“O say can you see, by the dawn’s early light … ” Colin Kapernick.

“Hut. Hut. Hike.” — Colin Kapernick.

“I wonder what tonight’s dinner special is at The Red Hen.” — Sarah Sanders.

“The President sure got that one right.” — Jim Acosta.

“The President sure got that one right.” — Shepard Smith.

“The President sure got that one right.” — Any celebrity not named Kanye West.

“Today’s music is so much better than my generation’s.” — Any parent anywhere.

“That Mike Pence, what a party animal!” — anybody anywhere.

Things That Will Be Thought in 2019 … But Not Said

“You know, working with Trump is actually easier than dealing with Obama” — Nancy Pelosi.

“Of course walls work. That’s why we don’t want one” — Nancy Pelosi.

“If I were Justice Ginsburg I’d be rolling in beer endorsement offers” — Justice Brett Kavanaugh.

“Spartacus? Spartacus?! What on earth was I thinking?!?! — Sen. Cory Booker.

“Yikes. If Trump goes I might have to work for a living” — late night comedy writers.

“Maybe I lost in 2016 because America is just not that into me.” — Hillary Clinton.

“On second thought, if a guy can be a girl simply by saying it, I’m declaring myself President of the United States!” — Hillary Clinton.

“Man, when is this lady in the pantsuits gonna stop pulling up to the White House gate saying, ‘Honey, I’m home!’?” — U.S. Secret Service.

“Oh, bleep. That whole Trump-Russia thing was a set-up. Those suckers played me for a fool!” — Rachel Maddow.

“Yeah, baby. That whole Trump-Russia thing was a set up. We played those suckers for fools!” — John Brennan … and James Clapper … and James Comey … and Hillary Clinton … and Barack Obama. 

“The whole Trump-Russia thing was a set up. Gee, thanks for the two years I’ll never get back.” — Robert Mueller.

“Impeachment? Maybe making a larger-than-life billionaire braggart look like the scrappy underdog victim of elites might not be the brightest idea in the world.” — Sen. Chuck Schumer.

“I would really love to have Trump host SNL again” — Lorne Michael.

 

Note: I tried thinking of ones for President Trump, but find it hard to imagine him having an unexpressed thought.