13 Things Not to Say to Your Liberal Friends at Your 4th of July Cookout if You Want to Avoid Fireworks

By Al Perrotta Published on July 3, 2015

There’s no escaping it. It’s been a rough couple weeks for those of us who believe in conservative principles and the Constitution. The principles that built this country are being smashed up and tossed aside like old drywall and studs. The threat to religious liberty is racing toward us like a stampede of mad circus elephants.

It’s no wonder some of us are feeling more than a bit grumpy. And as we gather for 4th of July festivities it’ll be hard not to get snarky with those who do not see the Red, White and Blue the same way we do. If you want to avoid fireworks with your progressive friends, though, it’ll be best for all concerned to bite your tongue. In fact, there are conversational minefields everywhere you turn. If you want to avoid a barbecue blowup, here are thirteen things you do not want to say:

  1. “I’m so glad you guys interpreted the original intent of my Facebook invitation and actually came to the time and place listed on the invitation, instead of treating it as a ‘living document’ and drawing out of it some bizarro interpretation no completely sane human being could find there. In honor of interpreting documents by their original intent, a toast to a great American … Clarence Thomas.”
  2. “Hey, colorful t-shirt. Thumbs up! I’m seeing rainbow symbols everywhere these days. It’s great to see so many folks celebrating how God saved the human family from total destruction by rescuing Noah, his wife, their three sons, and their three wives, all in monogamous male-female, natural marriages, which allowed them to begin the happy work of repopulating the whole earth! How cool is that?!”
  3. “I get what you’re saying about Trump, but don’t you think the real problem with illegal immigrants is that they’re illegal?”
  4. “The chicken’s from Chick Fil A, the decorations are from Hobby Lobby, and the cake’s in the shape of the Koch Brothers.”
  5. “Is using white icing a ‘micro-aggression’?”
  6. “You know what made Martin Luther King so effective? His Christianity.”
  7. “Just ’cause I don’t like rainbow sherbet that doesn’t make me a hater.”
  8. “As a matter of fact, my daughter Reagan is named after Ronald Reagan.”
  9. “Yes, I would have invaded Iraq … knowing what we know today. But, I would have brought bigger guns.”
  10. “Wanna contribute to our ‘Put George W. on Mount Rushmore’ Indiegogo fund?”
  11. “Fun fact: Abraham Lincoln was a Republican.”
  12. “As I saw last night on Fox News …”
  13. “Who’s up for a Dukes of Hazzard marathon?”

And then there’s the one thing you want to say, regardless of who it may offend:

“And now, let us pray for our country …”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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