“The Hole in My Soul”

In this half-hour video, former NFL champion and Fatherless No More author Tim Johnson joins Life Today hosts James and Betty Robison. Johnson shares how God filled the emptiness left by the absence of an earthly father.

Editor’s Note: The transcript that follows was automatically generated and lightly edited, so please be aware there could be typos or other small errors. The Stream is working toward a transcription service that does fast, accurate, and reliable work; thank you in advance for your patience!

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The following program is sponsored by Friends of Life Outreach International.

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Instead of praying, I ended up in the fetal position, bawling my eyes out, crying like a baby. In outcomes.

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I never had a father.

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Former Super Bowl champion Tim Johnson is fatherless no more.

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And now salvation meant more than just me for being forgiven for my sins and having eternal life. It’s there’s no reason for heaven without the father.

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Coming up on life today.

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You.

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Well, I just said I’m James Robinson, by the way. Maybe we’re Cowboys fans, okay? I mean, I don’t know. You may say. Why? Well, one time we understood why we do that. Why we’re patient. Okay, perfect. But here I got a guy that, went to Penn State. Did? And you won the national championship, and then you beat, you might say, the Cowboys in the sense that they won the, the Super Bowl.

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Playing PA, who were you playing, boy? Washington. Yeah. Were they the Redskins then?

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Back then.

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And they were. Okay. And here you come in here and you bring this book. There was no more I want to I want to ask you about this picture because you told me your son took this picture. Tell me how that came to be.

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First of all, I just need to honor you both for your legendary impact on the world, my life, and all who have heard you or seen you. So thank you for the privilege of being here. That picture, believe it or not, sometimes it makes me emotional because my wife and I were in Tennessee dropping our son off his freshman year at Lipscomb University.

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And because he was into photography, we were at lunch and he would just take random, really great pictures. He took a photo and weeks. It must have been weeks later. My wife showed me up and took this picture of you. I had no idea that he did. And so when this idea of writing a book came up about six years ago, almost seven years ago, one impression hit me.

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It was the father saying that photo. And we had different renditions of that photo, because my son took a picture of me, and I’ve never seen a picture of my father.

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Well, I want to tell you a pal, my brother. Just thank God for you. I want you to tell us viewers about your story, and I hope you’ll get this book because it’s in the bookstores and get it online. But, we’d be happy to send it to you if you’ll help us feed some starving kids, because we want to say a big thank you for saving their lives.

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Tim, tell me a little bit about your journey and how you ended up where you are now after winning a national championship. Football and win a Super Bowl is a pretty big deal for an athlete, especially football. Your whole world changed. Tell us about it.

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So much of the details of what I would share is actually in the book laid out pretty clearly. But I remember when I was in, junior high. And like most kids, I’m trying to find my way like everyone else. But I remember in junior high, I got in trouble being associated with some kids who were really in trouble.

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You know how sometimes you say, well, I wasn’t in trouble. I didn’t really do, I actually didn’t. And so I’m in the principal’s office, and I’m in this room with just white walls. And I realize I needed help. I felt like I was in jail myself because the principal’s office was a very fearful thing, and I was a long way away from home and busses, 45 minutes away from school, from our neighborhood.

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So I realized I couldn’t call my mom because she would work 2 or 3 jobs a day. I couldn’t take her away, and I realized I had nobody to call. I had no father to call. So this is hindsight 2020. I do believe in my mind. I decided to never need him, to never need a father. Why? I need what you don’t have.

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And I begin to move from there, adjusting my life based on whatever I needed to do for the moment to get by. And so, on my birth certificate, there’s places on everyone’s birth certificate for mom and dad. And so my mom’s place is filled in. But in the father space, it’s empty. So I walked around with a hole in my soul for many years, feeling like I was a problem to be solved.

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I didn’t know I was a person to be loved. And so through the course of time, just making it up as I went, I had a conversation in junior high as well with, a gentleman that said, you can be different. He said, you can be different now. Mind you, I had just quit the junior high basketball team and I was very average as an athlete.

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But he said, you can be different. And he told me about determination, motivation, discipline and perseverance. So I just said, well, I don’t have much to lose. I’m going to start applying myself. I started lifting weights. I started being more focused on just being an athlete after being a quitter and trying to see what this is all about, he said something that was critical.

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That was there’s someone around the corner that’s always bigger and faster. So by the time I graduated high school, I was an All-American in high school, and I was recruited by most colleges in the country. And I could, you know, I had a lot of free ticket to go anywhere. Fast forward to my second year in college. I had another conversation, and this time it wasn’t about my athletics.

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It was about how I could live different. And that scared me real bad because I’d never known how to tell the truth. I was a nice guy. Prom king, All-American in high school, one of the captains of the football team. I got a lot favorably going for me on the outside, but I did not know how to tell the truth.

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And it was evidenced by my relationship with my future wife, where I heard her so much out of the pain of my own fatherlessness I didn’t know how to treat a young lady. And he said, you can live differently. And he preached the gospel. After overcoming fear, I realized I didn’t have to change my life, but I had to humble myself to trust that Jesus would.

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And when I finally let go of all the things that were barriers and things that I was gripping tight because I thought this was my life, I let it go. He gave me a new life and forgave me of all my sins. And I’m married today to that woman that I couldn’t tell the truth to, because he restored everything that I had given away and lost because of the hole in my soul.

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He filled it with the love of the father.

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Did you find in some way the reality of a real father?

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Yes. I you know, mine was a pretty dramatic experience in talk to people. And they’ve had these. When I was with Pittsburgh Steelers that first year, we would drive back and forth 3.5 hours, one way to church. My wife and I. So on weekend after weekend I would work out, train during the week, get in the car, we go to State College.

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And so every Saturday we would have the pastor teaching us young leaders and it was just a routine. We were so thrilled that we get to drive 3.5 hours. We didn’t know who was supposed to complain. And so one Saturday we do the same routine. We get in a circle, and this time something happens that’s unexplainable. Instead of praying, I ended up in the fetal position, bawling my eyes out, crying like a baby.

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And I feel myself in the room and I’m wondering, yeah, I’m sure you’ve had the situation where you kind of wondering, why am I here? Like, what’s going on? You’re talking to yourself. I was thinking, why are you down here? Why are you crying? I’m a pro football player. I got a wife. I got a kid. I actually have a car now.

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My bills are paid. There was no reason. I’m on the ground and the pastor has it. I feel the room, but I don’t see because I’m bawling. He comes over. He says everything okay? And out comes. I’ve never had a father.

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I never had a father. I never had a father.

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I didn’t even know that was in there.

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Wow. I had no clue.

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That was in there.

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That little boy.

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Is the one Jesus found. Daddy says I’m not going to leave you alone. I will not leave you orphans. I am going to introduce you because the pastor said this. He says God says he’s going to father. You. And now salvation meant more than just me for being forgiven for my sins and having eternal life. It’s. There’s no reason for heaven without the father.

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So it was that moment that began to shift my whole life to realizing that birth certificate now has a name on it that no one can see but me. And it’s Heavenly Father, written in red, because the cost the blood of His Son to break the curse of Fatherlessness over my life.

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You know what you were telling? That I was flashing through all the years of. I don’t know, because I never did have a father and some that would, you know, kind of fill in, but I don’t remember. He became my father. He became the father of the fatherless kid. And you’ve been so incredible. He’s always listening. He’s always ready to speak.

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Know I want to thank you, because you do talk to me so much, so clearly. And you’re so patient. You’re so loving. Thank you. You’re so inspirational. You’re so powerful. Thank you. And I think the exciting thing right now for me to be able to say to him is that I have really longed for my life and his dream, and, you know, he knows it.

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And, I’m talking to him about fulfilling his dream. And I said, I want to I want to fulfill your vision and your dream. But but I’m telling him he’s so real. And he is to you. And now I feel like with what you’re doing, you’re seeing others come to know that. Father. Yes. No matter what kind of father they’ve got that come to know the father, everyone can have.

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Who is the ultimate father?

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Yes. And, My heart is compelled when you say the father’s dream in March of 2022, I was in Nashua. I had enough, and I pray the prayer. Not what I want. I prayed, father. Show me the secrets of your heart. Because I realize I don’t have much past encouragement to give people to change the human condition. But one little word from your heart can change any heart.

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And you know what he said. Two words, Rikers Island. He spoke to me. I don’t always hear what he has to say. He says Rikers Island. I knew what it was. I was aware of it. But I googled Rikers Island because I thought it was close. It’s one of the most, notorious jails in the world. And it’s an island of just jails.

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On the heels of Queens, in New York City. And, it is where the the worst of the worst go. And it’s a very violent place. They call it hell on earth, basically. So I’m wondering, what does this have to do with me? Mind you, I ask, what’s on your heart. I have a paragraph still in my notes where he showed me what he wanted to do, and he says the theme of what he wanted to do was, I’m going to move in that dark place in the lives of those.

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No one has answers for I’m shook. I end up on my bed in the fetal position, getting just like, what are you doing? I don’t understand this. Long story short, June of 2022. I land on Rikers Island and the miracles. We don’t even have time to tell you how I got there. It was absolutely divine. From that time, Rikers Island was at the height of violence.

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As we begin the journey, I lived on Rikers Island. Me and my former teammate, Art monk, lived in an RV. Never been done before on Rikers Island for five months with an original group of the Who’s Who for crime in New York City in the 18 to 21 year old population. So the violence is at an all time high.

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This should have never happened to have these individuals in the same room, and it not be a bloodbath. I didn’t have a weapon except a word from the father that he was going to move. And move he did, because out of the 16, a couple of them had to go on baptize. 11 in the original group, and June would be three years where we’ve had over 100 guys and have baptized over 80.

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Isn’t that great?

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Awesome. And the violence in the jail went down that first year, along with other things that they did. But it was a word from the. And so now on a regular basis, because he loves me so much, I want to learn to enjoy his love and be an extension access point of his love to those around me. I pray let my life reveal the secrets of your heart, whatever it may be.

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Oh, that’s what he’s doing. And that’s what your wife inspires. Because it’s a beautiful couple.

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They really are. You know, and as I listen to your testimony and how God has worked in your life, the deliverance he brought to you, I was sitting here thinking, not everyone will experience the same kind of deliverance, right? God knows our hearts better than we do. He knows what we need for where we are. And it may be a striking moment.

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Like you had on the floor before him. It may be just in the quietness of home. Yes. Many, many times. Yes. God is in my quietness when I take time to say, God, talk to me. He brings such liberation and such compassion and such love for him and what he wants to do through this one body, this one person.

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And you do so much through you. You just will yield to him and say, God, what do you see that I don’t see? Yes he does.

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I want us to. I want you to hold my hand. But I want you to. Julius, lean ground for me. I want all of you to know that I want you in this circle. I don’t know what kind of relationship you had with you. Father of you, with the new one. But you can know what he loves you so much.

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He want you in a circle of love. He wants you to help get his arms around a broken world. Yes. A dying world, a desperate world he gave his son to every day. He wants to heal your broken heart. He wants to hold you. He wants to flow life through you like a river. Other? Yes. I feel like there are people trying to press in around this table.

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Maybe they just sit in a public place, but they happen to sit each other at home. Maybe they still in their pajamas. And they just. There they are. But they want to be in this circle of your love. They want your arms around them. They want you to hold them close enough to your heart. That they can feel your heart.

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Know your heart and know your mind and desire to do your will. They want your kingdom that his come to come in them in fullness. They want your will to be done on earth as it is in heaven. That’s what they’re going to learn. Please, Lord, help them say to you, father in heaven, be my father forever and forever.

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And let me help live to fulfill your dream. I want to be your child. I want you to be my father. And Lord, let them know you will be in Jesus name. You can help fulfill the perfect father’s perfect great. Not through perfection, but through lifting him up as Lord of Lords and King of Kings. Kim. Thank you.

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Thank you. Thank God for using you, buddy. Mary, thank you for me and such a blessing to me and our family. All the people that have ever heard. When she didn’t even think she could talk on television. And here she is. She’s so precious. For you are too. And you let him be the great father that he wants to be in your life.

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And let’s share his Kingdom message. Right now. We’re trying with your help. And so the way we do it to feed 350,000 starving children, would you listen to our main missionary overseer son Peter tours went to have them all together. We took millions to heaven. They got a pathway. Would you listen to him right now? My son was with him.

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Brandy. But listen to it.

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Villages in South Sudan are experiencing severe food insecurity. News reports tell us over half the population are facing crisis level hunger. Desperate mothers are doing whatever they can to survive. They forage for anything to feed their families in an effort to stave off the pain of hunger. The result? Their children are not receiving the proper nutrients for their developing bodies.

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And there has been an explosion in the number of children suffering from severe malnutrition if not treated in time. Many will end up in an early grave.

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These mothers with their children have come great distances. Some of them have walked one even two days to get here. The reason they’ve come here is because we have a malnutrition clinic, yet we’re doing malnutrition screening. We’re able to provide these children with what they so desperately need, which is food. Food that will save and sustain life. And you’re just getting a small picture of some of the mothers that, yes, that have come from all over this area.

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But this clinic is a much larger clinic than what you’re seeing that is filled to capacity with children. The screening areas just have mothers and children literally sitting outside. Inside the buildings there are so many who are here, which is the true devastation of this story, because the crisis that is all those mothers being here is the crisis of malnutrition, of the fact that these mothers have come in desperate hope, hope that we will be able to answer what they need.

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I need you to please me. An answer to prayer today. I need you to open your heart. I need you to express God’s heart and to extend his hands to the children. Like this. To the malnutrition clinic said so desperately need assistance. But to the mothers out in the villages that if they get those resources, can keep their children from ending up here and battling that battle of life and death.

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You know, when I look at those little children, I can feel myself holding them. You know, the missionaries warned us that we shouldn’t hold the children medium, have very contagious diseases, but we never could help, helped many. Don’t you find it easy to love those children and want to be the miracle prayer? The mother’s prayer? Don’t you want that?

00:20:48:27 – 00:21:08:12
Absolutely. And you know, James, the thing that blesses me so much is when I see the lands, the children lining up to get a bowl of porridge or whatever, the nutrition that they need that we’ve seen over there, maybe you’ve helped us. You probably have. Please don’t stop. These children need the care. The mothers have done all they can do.

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They have nothing to offer them. But hopefully we do. And I hope you’ll join with us. And let’s feed these precious little ones that God has given these mothers to care for.

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You know, as I was watching the video when I saw the desperate situation, those children, many of them had reached a clinic that we helped establish, which is a last ditch effort. You might say, to save them and then walk for days sometimes to get there. But we like to meet them in the field and right where they are and take the food right to them, which is what we do, which is what we do when we do in the water.

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Well, we do that right in the midst of the pain and the suffering. But I was looking at that and thinking how many of them we watched come to get the food, and we put it in whatever they book. Sometimes he’d bring a plastic bag. He would burn through it. Sometimes the children hold a hand there and they couldn’t hold it.

00:22:04:00 – 00:22:29:14
It was hard. And then we watched many of them with old dirty tin can. Something like that with this would have been a nice one. But when I was watching there, the video, when I saw those, those little bones, I remember where these came from. Someone like you watching said, why? Why are you giving those children that porridge in that dirty container?

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Who was pulling that plastic bag and it burns through? Why don’t we give them a nice plastic bowl? And the missionary said, we can’t afford that. We can only afford the food we can’t afford the plastic bowl. And you know what our viewers said? You know what you said. Well, we can. We want to give them bowls. We’ve given out millions of these.

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Many. And there was, you see, that long line? Did you see how far reaching. And every one of those children, they’ll stand there for two hours or more. Thousands. Sometimes they’ll start feeding 2 or 3000 an area and 2000 show up 3 or 4 days later, because they won’t. 50 miles to 100 miles. They found out there was food and it was in a plastic bowl.

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Little provided they that’s what our view is, all their expressions of love. Would you right now go and get your bank card and use it like a check please. If you write a check, make it to life. But do it now and call us and tell us your mailing you know on and make the best gift you possibly can 30, 50 or 100.

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You feed three, 5 or 10 children for next month. Could you give a thousand or more and feed 100 other? Please, please move those viewers with your love and your compassion, your help. In Jesus name. We are his hands and his arms. Would you reach out, put his arms around someone right now and give them life? Please do.

00:24:00:11 – 00:24:27:17
Right now, across the continent of Africa, children are suffering, facing severe malnutrition and even death. With food reserves gone and many areas experiencing severe famine. We urgently need to replenish supplies to keep feeding the 350,000 children who are counting on us through life’s mission. Feeding outreach. Your gift of love can be an answer to prayer for a hurting and hungry child in their time of need.

00:24:27:19 – 00:25:12:04
Call now with your life saving gift of 30, 50, or $100 to help feed and care for three, 5 or 10 children for three, four months. With your gift, we’ll send you natural remedies. This beautifully illustrated book explores ancient nutrition and the health benefits found in God’s creation. To help you live your best life with your gift of $100 or more, please request your health and Wellness bundle this three books that includes natural remedies as well as essential fasting, a simple eating strategy to accelerate weight loss, crush cravings and reverse aging, and the probiotic diet that gives effective strategies to improve digestion, boost brain health, and supercharge your immune system.

00:25:12:06 – 00:25:30:03
Finally, please consider a gift of $1,000 or more, which will help feed 100 children and you may request our inspiring bronze sculpture, Lion of Judah. Please call right or make your gift online today.

00:25:30:06 – 00:25:31:27
Hi, I’m Jordan Rubin, and for over.

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Two decades, my wife Nikki and I have been supporting the ministries of life with any gift to mission feeding you will transform the lives of 350,000 children in Africa by giving them nutritious food and a hope for the future. With your gift, you’ll receive a powerful wellness bundle, which can bring the power of health and nutrition into your own home.

00:25:54:10 – 00:26:00:18
Transform the lives of thousands and your own family. Do it today.

00:26:00:20 – 00:26:20:14
You know, I just feel like I feel like a lot of you are going to help us feed a lot of children. Please, would you make a big as possible? Yes. Knowing that you’re going to save lots of kids lives, be an answer to a lot of mother’s prayers and heal their broken hearts. And I know you’ve enjoyed Tim.

00:26:20:16 – 00:26:29:18
If they wanted to write you or find out how they could communicate, or maybe even get you to come speak at some function food to go online to find you.

00:26:29:21 – 00:26:34:15
Orlando w o c dawg with

00:26:34:17 – 00:26:56:27
That’s a mouthful. So we’re going to have it on the screen here. You can get it from the prayer center. You can get it online. But, if you will help us lead as many of those children as you can, and we have the gifts from Jordan Reuben that we told you about. But if you’d like to have his book, and you see James, I can identify him.

00:26:57:00 – 00:27:06:07
And I sure would like to have it. I got some friends, and they would just help us through, you know, kids. And you ask for the book we send it to you. I love you, buddy.

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I love you.

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More, man. I love you, and we love you. And we want to thank you for helping us show so many people how much God loves them. Thank you.

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Thank you. I feel like home.

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You mean. You.

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Oh. Oh.

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Yay! Oh oh.

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Hey!

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You can chart a purposeful path. Creating a legacy of love and hope for future generations. Call or visit Life Planning Services today.

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Life today is made possible by the supporters of Life Outreach International. Your gift will be used exclusively for the purposes of life. The ministry features specific outreaches as examples of the programs it supports and conducts. Guests are considered to be without restriction as to use unless explicitly stipulated by the donor. The ministry is a member of the SFA.