My Son Was Known Before Time
Twelve months ago, a pregnancy test first alerted me to my child's existence. I didn't know at that time who he would become, but God did.
My son is just shy of 4 months old, but he’s been in my life a lot longer.
Just over one year ago, on January 1, 2018, I found out I was pregnant.
I still remember sneaking off to the bathroom to take an at-home test on New Year’s Day. Just a couple days prior, a test said I wasn’t pregnant. But I had a hunch, and wanted to know for sure. As I recorded in my journal that night:
I prayed I’d get the correct result and took the remaining test. It takes like 3 minutes to see your result so I put clothes away, glancing every few seconds but trying not to stare too long for fear of seeing a “no.”
Then I looked down and did and double take. There sat a little digital test with the message, “Yes+”!
I admire the women who elaborately surprise their husbands with this good news. That wasn’t me. The thought of planning some special way to tell him entered my mind then flew out again in a split second. I rushed into the bedroom (where he was trying to nap) and waved the positive test in his face, a big, cheesy grin on mine.
The Same Person, Then and Now
Even as I was thrilled to see that “Yes+”, I wondered who it was. I had no idea that “Yes+” was him, the chunky, cooing baby that now smiles up at me every morning. Back then, he was an embryo about the size of a grain of salt. His body hadn’t formed. We hadn’t seen his tiny heart beat via ultrasound (though we would three weeks later).
But even though he was so small, so far from what he looks like today, he was the same. The same set of genes that would make him emerge from the birth canal the spitting image of his dad. The same alive human being with the same little soul. Who he is today was there at that moment as I learned of his existence.
God Already Knit His Future Together
It’s mind-blowing to think that even then, the little embryo who had barely found his way to my womb had all the same DNA he has today. Everything about his current physical appearance was already predetermined.
What about the rest of his life? That was predetermined, too.
I’m just now beginning to see my son’s personality, but God saw it back then. I’m just now seeing what toys he likes to chew on and what things he likes to look at, but God knew back then.
There is still so much I don’t know. Just like I wondered who my child was when I saw that “Yes+” a year ago, I wonder now about his future. Who will he become when he grows up? What will his life be like? What blessings will he enjoy, what trials will he endure?
Known From Before the Beginning
God has woven the future of every human being — each one of us. He doesn’t do it at the moment we’re born or at some magical point in our prenatal development. He’s always known who we are and what his plans are for us. And it’s the same with every child who is ever conceived.
January 1 will always be special in my heart. As the world celebrates a new year, I’ll celebrate the day I learned of a new person, my son. And as I remember the moment I discovered his existence, I’ll remember how God planned his existence even before time.
For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. Psalm 139:13
Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in Christ with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places, even as he chose us in him before the foundation of the world… Ephesians 1:3-4