Don’t go to Shake Shack. The shakes have baby parts in them. Pass it on! 

#FetalTissueinShakeShackDrinks

Now, the previous sentences are technically what philosophical purists might call “untrue.” It would be terribly unfair if folks repeated such a “false claim” widely, for instance in the form of a hashtag: #FetalTissueinShakeShackDrinks. A legal department at a publication might worry about such an “assertion,” which litigious sticklers will quibble amounts to some jargony thing such as “defamation” or “libel,” whatever that means in the age of Russian Collusion.

Of course, Twitter or Facebook wouldn’t be liable for people sharing such a statement. Section 230 protects them from that. But they could still decide to censor it based on “community standards,” which means, in legalese “Because we can get away with it thanks to all those clownish eunuchs in Congress.”

Delta-Delta-Delta-That-Vaccine-Ain’t-Gonna Help Ya

But I digress. I hope that the paragraphs above immunize The Stream from any torts I might provoke here when I ponder this hashtag going as viral as the Delta variant — whatever the heck that is.

(How did those poor girls who couldn’t get into Kappa get scapegoated for this one? Those SNL skits were bad enough. The one Tri-Delt I briefly dated endeared herself to me by asking “How’d you get to be so smart?” To which I responded, “How’d you get to be so blonde?” “Out of a bottle,” she answered brightly. Bless her heart… . )

Want Some Carpaccio Thermidor? Not Without the Dead Baby Vax

What I wrote about “#FetalTissueinShakeShackDrinks” was purely satire. And metaphor. That’s where we use words that are not literally true to convey some other or deeper truth, as when Jesus called Himself a “door” or a “vine.” Or when I say to this or that gay Jesuit: “Ma’am, I don’t make the Natural Law, I just enforce it.” Make sense? Good. That English lit PhD I blew 10 years on finally came in handy.

Back to the actual news. This morning I read the following in what is now my paper of record, The Epoch Times: 

The founder of Shake Shack, Danny Meyer, said his Union Square Hospitality Group will require indoor diners and drinkers at its restaurants to show that they’ve been vaccinated against COVID-19.

Employees will also have to get the vaccine, Meyer said, although he didn’t say whether they would be fired or be forced to wear masks.

At this point if I’m being all scrupulous I should probably post the next piece of the story:

However, the policy will not be extended to Shake Shack, a hamburger fast-food restaurant that has a number of locations in the northeastern United States.

The policy will be implemented at the Union Square Hospitality Group, which oversees Gramercy Tavern, Manhatta, and Union Square Cafe. The group operates Anchovy Social in Washington, D.C., as well.

So what we’re seeing here is what the builders of The Hindenburg called a “trial balloon.” You know, the way the San Francisco Registered Sex Offenders Choir sang that they would “convert your children.” Just pushing the envelope to see what they can get away with. If such a trial balloon goes down in flames, it gets quickly disavowed, and the pedos go back into hiding till the next opportunity.

Would You Like the Mengele Vaccine with that Tiny Emu Medallion?

So Danny Meyer is using his chain of overpriced Manhattan restaurants to see if he can get away with forcing any customers (and worse, employees) to take what critics (i.e., I) have labeled the Mengele Vaccine. Because every one of the vaccines was made via tests on the parts of murdered unborn babies. In other words, via human experimentation on victims, such as Josef Mengele used to do. Then if Meyer’s petty tyranny plays well on Broadway, he can take it on the road to Dallas. To the Shake Shack down the block from me.

Danny Meyer should pay a price for floating this attack on our freedom and unborn children. If we can’t boycott the pricey Manhattan lunch dives since we don’t live there and wouldn’t waste $125 for lunch for two anyway, let’s take it out on his other company, Shake Shack. You know, the way white suburban Communists loot urban black businesses to punish white cops for “systemic racism.” I’m pretty sure that’s how “justice” works in America nowadays.

Who Wants Fetal Tissue Floating Around in His Vanilla Shake? Maybe Danny Meyer …

Perhaps if every time some Tri-Delt considered a thick, creamy vanilla shake from the Shack, she thought about fetal tissue maybe floating around in it — something I cannot prove and am not here asserting as “fact,” whatever that is — then Danny Meyer might see a downward tick in his stock price. Would he suddenly develop sincere conscientious objections (ala Archbishop Vigano) to Mengele-style experiments on murdered unborn babies? Principled commitment (ala Naomi Wolf) to violations of medical privacy and constitutional freedoms? Nah.

But a big dog that picks on little tiny babies would have gotten a newspaper rapped across its snout, and that would make the Baby Jesus smile, I think. To quote Talladega Nights.

So long as we’re clear about what’s true and false, of course.

John Zmirak is a senior editor at The Stream and author or co-author of ten books, including The Politically Incorrect Guide to Immigration and The Politically Incorrect Guide to Catholicism. He is co-author with Jason Jones of “God, Guns, & the Government.”