On Sunday, CNN got hold of the letter former President Obama left in the Resolute Desk for incoming President Trump. Writing up the story yesterday, I naturally started to wonder if Obama had gone through earlier drafts. What else did he want to say that he left out?

Certainly he couldn’t put his real thoughts, which likely would run along the lines of “I still can’t believe I’m handing over the keys to a billionaire TV star hellbent on destroying everything I’ve done the past eight years. What were those American people thinking?!”

However, for a bit of amusement, we can imagine some of his false starts:

Dear President Trump,
Congratulations. Honestly. Have to admire someone who would take a pay cut and a move into a smaller house just to serve the country. Just try not to paint everything gold.

Dear President Trump,
Wow. ‘President Trump.’ Still getting used to that. On the plus side, had I written to Hillary she likely would have deleted it.

Dear President Trump,
I find it startling that people are still surprised you beat Hillary. After all, if I could do it …

Dear President Trump,
First, a question: Is it true that all of this is because I made fun of you at a White House Correspondent’s Dinner?

Dear President Trump,
Just between you and me, did you hire Pence out of central casting? I mean, the goody-goody thing, the never dining alone with a woman who’s not his wife, the hair?! Soros pays the people protesting you $25 an hour. Pence has to be, what, $100?

Dear President Trump,
The most important thing to remember: In times of trouble, you can always turn to a higher power. But enough about George Soros. (My comedian friends call that a callback.)

Then, as he trashes draft after draft, you can imagine Obama starting to get a little less formal:

Dear Donald,
Wanna make America Great Again? Ban auto-tuning.

Dear Donald,
What is the ex-President discount at your courses?

Dear Donald,
Kind of embarrassing to admit, but I’m actually a big fan of The Apprentice. Can I get an autographed picture?

Dear Donald,
I’m not really writing you anything. I’m just pretending to write you right now so I won’t have to listen to Uncle Joe babble on about how he should have run.

Ever move and change jobs at the same time? There comes the point where after spending weeks racing to finish up business and preparing for your new life you just get exhausted and delirious and unable to self-censure.

Yo, Trump!
Don’t care what you do. Just don’t ask me to go to any darn foreign funerals.

Yo, Trump!
Thanks for beating Hillary. If she’d been elected, Democrats wouldn’t be screaming for me in six months.

Yo, Trump!
Just talked to Madonna. She says she hopes you have a blast while in the Oval Office.

Yo, Trump!
Took me less than 9 months to win a Nobel Prize. Beat that, sucka!

Yo, Trump!
Somewhere at Camp David I’ve hidden a copy of my real birth certificate. (Tee-hee)

Note: To read President Obama’s real note to President Trump, click here.