Learning to say no.

As a kid, it’s something I heard my mom talk about with church ladies as they scheduled upcoming events and compared booked pocket calendars. As a teen, when my parents would rein me as I dove for yet another extracurricular activity, I thought they had learned to say “no” all too well.

Now I get why “learning to say no” is so important.

Full Résumé, Empty Life?

In college I was told that internships were my time to not have a life. Come to the office early. Stay late. Prove yourself, get ahead and get noticed. 

Fair enough, especially when you’re trying to land your first job. The mistake came when I took the internship attitude from that unique season in college and applied it to my entire life. 

I realized I was on track to having a really full résumé, but a really empty life. 

When extraneous opportunities spring up — professional or otherwise — I feel guilty, even irresponsible if I don’t take every single one. Like I’m cheating myself out of a potentially richer, more accomplished, more well-connected future.

But one day I noticed my evenings and weekends were so jammed with “opportunities” that I had no time for things I actually enjoy. Like finally finishing that novel I’ve been wanting to write. Or improving my beginner level guitar skills. Or exercising — not that I enjoy exercising … but it’s probably something I should do.

It was then that I realized I was on track to having a really full résumé, but a really empty life. 

Our Hobbies as a Gift

It’s common among Christians to hear that our talents and passions are a gift from God, to be used for his glory. We tend to interpret that to mean we should earn money by doing what we’re passionate about. As ideal as that is, it doesn’t always happen. And that’s okay. What if God’s purpose in giving us those passions isn’t always to make money, but simply to glorify him by enjoying them? 

For instance, I believe it glorifies God when I write creatively in my spare time. One, because I’m enjoying something he created me to enjoy. Two, because God often reveals things to me during the process of writing stories that I’m not able to hear in the busy din of the workday. Not only is writing fiction my creative outlet, it’s a meaningful way for me to connect with God.

That’s why hobbies matter. Saying “no” to an opportunity in order to save time for them shouldn’t make us feel guilty. In fact, making time for our passions should be a priority. They’re part of who God made us to be.

Saying ‘No’ to Service

A big temptation for many Christians is saying “yes” to too many service opportunities. There are countless worthy causes to volunteer for or support financially. There are myriad projects and programs at church to get involved with. And it’s easy to feel guilty for not participating in all of them at once.

We shouldn’t feel guilty though, because it’s impossible for any one of us to effectively address every issue that needs addressing. That’s why the body of Christ is so powerful. We each have a part to play and a gap to fill. Christians often talk about being Jesus’ “hands and feet.” However, when we can’t learn to say “no,” we become rogue feet running off in a million directions. We forget whose body we belong to. 

Chaos ensues when we say “yes” to something without God’s direction. Instead of helping others and growing spiritually, we end up shortchanging the specific people God has called us to serve. And our own growth and well-being suffers as we stretch ourselves to insanity.

‘Yes’ to God’s Intentional Plan

God has a perfect, intentional plan for each of us. Which is why we must constantly seek his guidance on everything from job offers to volunteer work. 

God will often lead us to say “no” to job opportunities or causes that are objectively good. Even though they are good, saying “yes” to them when God hasn’t called us there is disobedience. 

Don’t get me wrong — God can empower us to juggle more than we ever thought possible. But there is a key word there. God. When he assigns us a task (or 100 tasks) and empowers us to do it, we become an effective member of his body. When we assign tasks to ourselves and try to power through them, we fail. 

Are you good at saying no?