Our Leaders Have Spoken: Global Warming Causes Terrorism

By William M Briggs Published on November 15, 2015

So global warming caused ISIS to dispatch a team of bloodthirsty malevolent maniacs to Paris to slaughter as many non-Muslims, and to gain as much publicity, as possible. Bernie Sanders said so.

Who remembers when members of ISIS placed a man in the path of a tank, ran the tank over the man popping him like a balloon, and then ISIS posted videos bragging of it? Global warming made them do it. Hillary Clinton says so.

Hey: how about when ISIS corralled a group of Christian women living in Syria and then raped a goodly proportion of them to death and shot a few others for fun? Global warming again. And let’s not forget the many times orange-clad men were led to a beach to have their heads shaved off by ISIS. Allahu Akbar? No! Global Warming!

This isn’t me saying it. It’s Barack Obama. He said global warming is the biggest threat we face. But Mr. Obama was only echoing his betters who will gather in two weeks in Paris to decide the pre-determined conclusion that global warming is a security threat of such magnitude that we are forced to sign over control of significant portions of our economies to the United Nations. (Of course, our dear leaders will say climate change and not global warming, but we won’t make that mistake.)

What a sight it will be! Angela Merkel, Barack Obama, David Cameron, even Francois Hollande himself, will march somberly through blood-stained streets, file past the many coffins from the Paris attack, proceed to the UN’s padded conference room, and there from on high they will announce to the world that the horrors they have witnessed were caused by global warming. And that if we don’t act now, global warming will cause more men to suddenly wake one morning and say to themselves, “I will kill in the name of Allah.”

Global warming! Is there nothing it cannot do?

That is a rhetorical question, friends. The answer is clear to any thinking person. Global warming can do anything. Well, any bad thing. Global warming cannot do good things.

Only problem is, there hasn’t been any global warming for almost twenty years. Oh, the temperature has bounced around a bit, up one year, down the next, but it hasn’t been advancing as climatologists have promised us. Know what that means? You guessed it. Global warming is even more powerful than we could have imagined!

Yes: not only is actual global warming deadly, even the thought of it can cause men to kill. Since the globe did not in fact warm, but global warming surely caused ISIS to commit atrocity after atrocity — our leaders could not be wrong on so fundamental a point — it must then be that just sitting and contemplating what might happen is what caused these fanatics to spring into action.

Global warming, we’re told, is also going to cause more deaths by natural disasters. It hasn’t done so yet, but it will. Actually, deaths due to natural disasters such as wildfires, tornadoes, extreme temperatures, droughts and storms are at a ridiculously low level compared to a century ago. Just as a for instance, storms killed about about 1 out of every million people in 1900, but this fell to about half that many by 2010. (Don’t forget the world population rose from about 1.65 billion in 1900 to about 6.7 billion in 2010, so you have to normalize deaths by population.)

There were no recorded deaths by drought in 2010, but there were some 126-thousand deaths in 1900, way before global warming wrapped its heated tentacles around the earth. Deaths by drought are important because, our leaders tell us, it was drought and heat that caused the Syrian conflict, which in turn caused the refugee crisis. Of course, it wasn’t actual drought and heat, because Syrian weather has been near average (wheat production, for instance, is up), so once again it was only the promise of future doom that counted.

This future doom is no small thing. ISIS gleefully announced that it used the promise-of-global-warming-caused refugee crisis to smuggle “thousands” of cutthroats into Europe. How many they’re sneaking into New Orleans, where Mr. Obama has directed our share of Syrians to go, has not yet been determined.

Gets mighty warm and sticky down in the Big Easy. Thoughts can’t help but turn to what it would be like if, as promised, the temperatures soar another one- to two-tenths of a degree by mid century. Who could possibly tolerate a shift as dramatic as that? Besides my parents, who migrate from Michigan to Florida each winter for its warming climes? If President Obama is serious about the link between global warming and terrorism, perhaps he should send Muslim refugees from Syria, among whom are surely ISIS agents, to Siberia. Vladimir Putin won’t mind watching over them.

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