‘It’s a Process’: One Woman’s Story of Coming Out of a Lesbian and Transgender Lifestyle
Author, speaker and pastor Janet Boynes lived for 14 years as a lesbian, beginning in the 1980s. Her mother knew that. What her mother did not know was that Janet also lived her life as a male. Janet never talked about it when her mom was alive because she didn’t want to embarrass her mother. But recently, Janet was challenged by someone on social media about Janet saying that she had formerly been transgender. Now that her mother has passed away, Janet believes it’s time to address the issue of transgenderism in her life.
“See, back in our era, a woman that dressed like a man, they called her a dyke, butch or a male impersonator, and a man that dressed like a woman, they called [him] a transvestite. … What do they call them today? Transgender.” Janet added that when she decided to live as a lesbian, her priority was to live as a man. “[W]hen I decided to live as a man and be the dominant one in a relationship, it was because of the trauma that I endured as a child, watching my stepfather literally [abuse] in so many ways … my mother. The abuse happened whenever my stepfather came home drunk.”
A Better Man
“I thought, ‘If a man is like this, why do I want to be with one?'” She thought she would make a better man than her stepfather was, a better man than the one who later raped her. “My heart was to transition myself into looking as close to a man as I could. … I cut my hair really short then … and wore boxers. I mean, anything under my clothing was men’s boxers, men’s t-shirts. [I strapped] down my breasts, you know? So, I could at least on the outside feel like a man, even though it was in the inside, I knew I was still a woman.” She thought about having her breasts removed, but decided it was something she would regret.
Janet went to a priest at the time and asked if she would go to heaven if she transitioned or lived as a lesbian. “Absolutely,” he told her. “So now the wheels are really starting to turn: ‘Well, okay, I’m still going to go to heaven if I do this,'” she said. She decided that the best way she could become a man was to dress like one. So, for the next decade and a half, Janet dressed in men’s clothing and lived her life as if she was a man.
‘I Was Delusional’
But Janet never felt like she was a man and it frustrated her. “What I noticed living as a male was that it didn’t match my DNA. I was trying to be somebody that God never gave me the genes to, nor equipped me to be. Just because I dressed in men’s clothing, that didn’t make me a man. I was delusional. However, pain will cause you to do things that you think is right but isn’t.” She could not be a man, no matter how much she tried. “I wasn’t happy anymore,” she said. “I was empty, and the women could not fill that emptiness or that void anymore.” She added:
I wanted a relationship with God like the one I had before I walked away from Him to live as a man, but that meant I would have to live as a woman. I was afraid of the unknown at first. I knew my life would be different if I walked away from lesbianism and dressing like a man. Living as a lesbian and a fake man was all I knew. Everything that was familiar to me was about to change, but if [that was] what I would need to do to regain my sanity, then I was ready.
“But there’s hope, and we know there’s hope, you know, through the power of Jesus Christ.” She quoted: “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!” (2 Corinthians 5:17)
It was still a struggle. Janet wore men’s clothing for the next four years or so. “I had to allow God to change me from the inside out, not the outside in,” Janet explained. A lot of pastors, parents and friends don’t always understand that. They say things like, “Okay, so you’re a new creation in Christ. You’re going to church. When are you going to change the outside?’ [People change] when they become comfortable with who they are in the inside. And then the other layers will start disappearing. And it comes with acceptance, loving yourself, knowing who you are. And even after 20 years of being out of that life, I’m still trying to figure out who I am.”
It’s a Process
Coming out of the homosexual or transgender lifestyle is a process. “I want people to see that you can change. You weren’t born this way and you can make a difference in somebody else’s life, but you have to first get help for yourself before you can actually get out there and start helping others. … What I’ve learned is free people free people.”
The most important part of Janet’s journey has been her relationship with Christ. “I don’t know where I would be without my faith and my Christian friends … [I]t’s because of the word of God that I’m able to read on a regular basis and pray and have people praying for me. I believe that’s what got me to where I’m at today, 20 years later.
“I just believe that it’s a process and we have to be patient with those that are struggling in this particular area. But they, too, can find freedom, I believe through the power of Jesus Christ, and a great community of people.”
What the Church Can Do
The church must address the issue of homosexuality and transgenderism from the pulpit. “And so, I think it’s important that the church stop allowing people to suffer in silence and let’s address this because we have now a 60% increase in Gen Zs that are walking away from their faith or walking away period into that life because the world has a louder voice than we do. So, we have to get better.”
A large church recently brought in a speaker to share his story. “He encouraged people. He shared his story and people might’ve been set free by that. Well, we can do the same thing. We can share our stories. And then those people that are suffering in silence can come to a place that they can feel like, ‘Oh my gosh, there are people that are free out there. … If God can do it for Janet or if God can do it for all these other people, He can do it for me.'”