Inside the Heart of a Mother
Note from James Robison: Nine years ago today we said goodbye to our youngest daughter, Robin, who was truly a miracle baby — the child Betty was supposed to be unable to have. Three years after we adopted our son Randy, God gave us the most precious child any parents could ever want. In so many ways she brought God’s kingdom will to earth for 40 years. She left two awesome sons and a daughter here with us and her husband. I believe you will be blessed as you read what Betty journaled about a mother’s heart.
I believe the heart of a mother comes from the Heart of God!!
How do we as mothers do what we are called to do without the direction and sensitivity to God? How do we deal with the heartache that comes, especially with the loss of a child? How do we give unconditional love and comfort without God’s unconditional love and comfort to us?
First of all, “Thank you, Lord Jesus, for your presence and leadership in my life. Thank you for your comfort as I sense your arms around me when I am hurting. Thank you that I can cry out to you when I feel so much pain in my heart that I think it will break in two. Thank you for your balm of love and strength when I feel so weak. Thank you for your comfort in situations that are hurtful and challenging.”
I have been on a journey of healing since James and I lost our daughter to cancer three days after Christmas nine years ago. In no way do I want to diminish the heartache of a father in the loss of a child, but this is from the heart of a mother.
A Broken Heart
Where do I begin except to say, “My Heart, as the one that birthed this beautiful child, was indescribably broken! I have thought of Mary, the mother of Jesus so much as she watched the world crucify her son! I can imagine that she begged God for another way, she was the mother of Jesus, I know, but she was his mother like all of those of you who are mothers. I truly believe as I have wept over our daughter that I could feel some of the pain Mary felt as she watched her son on the cross. We feel as mothers we are supposed to be able to bind up our child’s wounds and hurts. We hold them close when they are in pain and we ask God to heal their hurts.
I have so many great memories of our daughter. She was such an exuberant, beautiful, loving and giving person. She was full of life and lived it to its fullest as a child, wife, and mother to her children. She gave 100% to everything she did. She expressed her love for her family with all her devotion to them.
When I think of those precious memories, I think of the times I saw her husband so unselfishly and tenderly care for her during all the many painful, difficult, and challenging treatments she went through. He was right by her side, 24 hours a day, making sure she had everything she needed to make her as comfortable as possible. At the same time assuring their children that everything would be okay because God was right in the center of their situation. I remember those days as I was there doing my best to help in every way I could. She was so strong in spirit even when the pain was almost unbearable for her.
At Her Bedside
As I stood beside her bed — after she asked if I would massage her legs and feet to hopefully ease some of the pain — I would look into her face and watch as a tear would escape from her eyes unintentionally because she tried so hard to hide that pain. She was so brave, and I thought, if she can show such bravery, how can I dare fall apart? I wanted to make it go away and never come back. Why couldn’t I make it better for her? I went to my room after the day ended, and I knew her husband would be there by her side to help her.
In my room I would weep and cry out to God to bring healing to her again so she could be the wife and mother that she so loved being. My nightly call to James was always the two of us weeping and leaning on God and each other for strength and comfort. God was my enabler as I would arise the next day to be there for our precious daughter. I kept my cell with me every moment in case she needed me. I peeped in on her several times during the day checking to see if she was okay.
She always got a little energy when her children would walk through the door from school, and their first thing to do was to go into her room and lovingly check on their Mom. As they would tell her about their day, I sensed it lifted her spirit and she rejoiced in her children.
In those last days of my time with her, since she was mostly bedridden, I would crawl up in her bed with her and we would watch all the old reruns of some of her favorite shows growing up, like “I Love Lucy.” She knew all the channels where they were airing. She would watch “Church on the Move” Sunday services on her laptop, hoping to be spiritually encouraged and to be a part of everything that was going on. She wanted to know all about the activities her kids were involved in and she would rejoice with them as they shared their excitement with her.
The Biggest, Best Party
Robin loved giving birthday parties for her children. Her last party was for her middle child, Cody. It was his 18th birthday. She planned it all from her bed with the help of her friends and her husband. I was there at that time and did my best to help. Her daughter and I sat on the floor by her bed and put pictures on poster board of her son. She directed us as only Robin could do as she told us exactly where each picture needed to go. We worked together to place each picture as she wanted, so to tell the story of her son and his 18 years. She wanted everything to be just as she had envisioned it. The joy and excitement in her heart came across even though the disease was robbing her physically from being able to move about as she desired to. She wasn’t about to be stopped from celebrating this joyous occasion in her son’s life.
Twenty days later our Robin went to the biggest, best party any of us will ever go to someday! She celebrated her entrance into Heaven! Praise God! What a party it had to be! Her grandparents, other family members (some she hadn’t met) along with friends there to meet her and welcome her to Heaven! Then she met the most honored of all, Jesus!!! I believe He embraced her and told her how glad He was that she was forever with Him!
Betty Robison cohosts LIFE Today with her husband James. The program reaches more than 300 million households in North America, Europe and Australia. The Robisons founded LIFE Outreach International, a worldwide media ministry and missions organization. Betty is also the author of the inspirational best-seller Free to be Me, and co-author of Living in Love.