The Mission Field of Sexual Brokenness
On February 15, 2020, She Loves Out Loud prayer movement will be hosted by churches and small groups nationwide. It is a time for women to pray in unity for the healing of hearts, for the future of children and for America. Started by Diane Strack, She Loves Out Loud will host Christian leaders at strategic locations across the U.S. For more information, visit SheLovesOutLoud.org.
The Stream is profiling some of the women — women like you and me — who will be taking part in what is destined to be a powerful and profound day.
Night after night Melody Lovvorn fell on her face before God and prayed. “Lord, I’m hanging on by a thread. If you let me go I’m gonna die.” At 30 years old, she’d found out her husband had been unfaithful. Now she was a single mom of four kids under age 6. “I just literally did not understand,” recalled Melody.
Why Didn’t He Protect Me?
Melody grew up in a protected “bubble.” Her father was a minister. Her family shared dinner each day and had devotion and prayer at night before bed. Then at 22, Melody married Tray Lovvorn and they started a church together. Tray was the pastor and Melody led worship and worked with the children. A couple of years later, they had their first child. “I thought ‘if I’m pursuing the Lord and pursuing godliness then life is going to just turn out like we want.'”
All was going well until Melody discovered her husband’s infidelity and porn addiction. “Then it was like, ‘God, this feels so punitive. This is not who I know You to be.” The whole thing made her lose sight of who she was. “Like, ‘I don’t feel like the beloved, I don’t feel like I’m wonderfully and beautifully made. I don’t feel like I’m known by God because why is He allowing this to happen? Why didn’t He protect me from this?'”
Choosing to Believe
Melody struggled to believe that God would take care of her and her kids. “‘I don’t feel like … when I go to the mailbox today that I’m a beloved daughter and my righteousness is in You and I’m well provided for because I’m going to see all the bills that I’m going to have to pay. But I’m choosing to believe.'”
And yet God’s kindness was there the whole time, which Melody said also exposed her own sin of unbelief. It made her think of Romans 2:4: “The kindness of the Father leads us to repentance.” Prayer and praise were synonymous for Melody. Worship “so many times it ushers me into the presence of my heavenly Father, but it also exposes those places in me that I need to confess.”
It’s Okay to be in a Dark Place
Because of her struggle, Melody encourages other women who are going through dark times. “I’m so passionate about … letting other women see that it’s okay to be in a dark place and to ask God why and to wrestle. But He’s with us and He wants to come into this place with us and be Emanuel and be all the things that we need Him to be and just be in that place. It’s okay.”
Six years after their divorce, Melody and Tray reconciled. It was a “miraculous restoration” brought about by God. They’ve now been married again for more years than they were divorced.
In 2009, the couple started a recovery group for men struggling with porn addiction and infidelity. Over the years, they’ve counseled couples walking through sexual brokenness and trauma. Their ministry is called Undone Redone. “We focus on marriages and families and walk alongside churches that you know, have had some families in crisis around sexual brokenness,” said Melody. “So, prevention and protection [for kids] and then the restoration recovery reconciliation piece. So, that’s primarily what we do. Then we have a weekly podcast.”
She Loves Out Loud
Melody and her husband, Tray, will join She Loves Out Loud with an in-studio interview about their divorce not working out and marriage after betrayal in the midst of pornography. Melody was drawn to the prayer movement right away. “I just love anything involving women, anything involving the ongoing transformation process that the Lord is doing in us. I love to be a part of anything like that.”
For Melody, prayer is part of who she is. It’s just having a conversation. “The [simplest] definition of prayer for me is listening and communicating with my heavenly Father. That sounds way too simple but that’s really what it is. I think there was a time in my life where I was communicating but I wasn’t listening. It’s so much more powerful when I can sit and I can listen and hear and be still and slow the busy mind down that we women struggle with sometimes. Just listening to Him, listening to who He’s created me to be, listening to what He desires for me today and then communicating with Him. You know … remembering that the kindness of the Father leads me to repentance and that He’s good.”