Hillary Clinton Joins a Coven?

'The Wing' Takes Wing

By William M Briggs Published on April 8, 2018

Yes, it seems so. Here’s the headline: “Last Night, The Wing Welcomed Hillary Clinton Into Their Coven.”

She was on April 3rd awarded “an honorary lifetime Wing membership,” which comes, we are told, with free cosmetics. It’s unclear whether Hillary viewed that as an insult. Most likely not. She tweeted of her time at the coven that she was “inspired by [their] passion and commitment.”

The group is called The Wing. It was started by Audrey Gelman and Lauren Kassan in 2016. It is not a woman’s club, Gelman said. “We’re a coven, not a sorority.” Gelman’s mother is actress Lena Dunham’s therapist, and the younger Gelman was reportedly the inspiration for Dunham’s show Girls.

The Cut reported that “one of The Wing’s inaugural events was a festive Election Night party (attended by about 80 women) in anticipation of a Clinton victory. That night, of course, didn’t go as planned.”

The New York Times reported that coven members hoped that night would be a “crowning event.”

Warning to the wise: Do not rely on the coven’s spells in presidential elections.

When is a Coven not a Coven?

The Wing operates several covens around the country. At least, they called them covens until news that Hillary attended a meeting came out. Then they switched the names of their meeting places to “spaces.”

They did call them covens, however. The New York Times remembers. The Wayback Machine dating from as late as April 4 still lists the spaces as “covens” (though because of difficulties displaying the archive, the source code of the page has to be viewed).

The Wing’s web people didn’t do a perfect job of scrubbing mentions of covens, at least not yet. Because the URL of the application to join a once-coven-now-space is “witches.the-wing.com/apply” (“witches” can also be seen in the archive source code). The old default error page was a still from the film The Witch, a movie with the “happy” ending of a little girl turned witch running off with a demon to join a coven of other witches.

Get Shopping, Ladies

Or maybe they weren’t trying to scrub the word after all. Because on the Shopping section of the site, you can buy all kinds of coven-branded merchandise. Such as the “Web Coven Beanie.” The beanie features a badge with the slogan “Incantations, Shouts & Chants” and has the words “wing spells” right below the sigil of a half moon over a “W.” The buyer is advised that the beanie will “Keep your magic warm.”

The beanie is a perfect match for the “Wing Coven Longsleeve Tee.” This has the words “Wing Coven Member” encircling a pentagram, a design long the favorite of witches and satanists everywhere. Unexplained under the order button are the words “Move witch, get out the way.”

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If pentagrams aren’t your thing, you might consider the Ouija Tee, which is very like the popular Ouija board. And don’t forget to pick up the “Fortune Tell-her Pack,” which has a Ouija-like planchette pin. The charming slogan for this product is “Ask and you shall receive whatever the hell I decide.”

Matches Made in Haven” can be used to make some “Women-Made Fire” for your spell candles. Which we might guess aren’t necessary to make men disappear. Having the kind of man displayed wearing the “Internet Herstory Longsleeve Tee,” or the kind of woman wearing the “Boys Beware Peach Tee” is enough to chase many men away. The job will be done even before you announce your shirt is the “The ‘I dare you to tell me to smile more’ Tee.”

Man Oh Man

The Wing publishes the magazine No Man’s Land which, in an unforced own goal, featured in its inaugural edition a man wearing a dress on its cover. Make the title At Least One Man’s Land, then. But Gelman also admitted, “We have a lot of members who are transgender, who are trans women,” which means lots of members who are men. Which leaves us with Many Man’s Land.

The large number of men admitted makes the stories that The Wing is being investigated by the New York Human Rights Commission curious. Bureaucrats were let out of their cubicles and sent to the covens to sniff out any — wait for it — discrimination. Seems having women’s only covens might be against some City regulation that nobody ever heard of or wanted. Or maybe the regulations were wanted when men had their own single-sex hideouts. Only now these rules-with-teeth are coming back to bite the witches.

Shame, too, because as Gelman retweeted, “Women deserve spaces where they can come together without feeling harassed and feel empowered to make magic happen.”

The magic isn’t working, ladies. Maybe it’s time instead to say a prayer instead to the one Power that can really make things happen.

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