Growing Up with Two Lesbian Moms

Too often, Children of Gays are treated as cogs in the juggernaut of LGBT public relations.

By Robert Oscar Lopez Published on October 9, 2017

One of my recently discovered heroes is Moira Greyland. Her mother was famous lesbian author Marion Zimmer Bradley (best known for Mists of Avalon). Moira Greyland Peat experienced what many children of same-sex couples have endured in extreme form. She suffered this long before there was any outlet for such unattractive truths to reach the public square.

Moira grew up with two lesbian mothers and a gay father in 1970s and 1980s Berkeley. During that time she saw firsthand the reality of the Sexual Revolution. “Revolution” was a brutally real and sordid social event. It involved the complete eradication of boundaries. It also meant the dismissal of any decorum and the demonization of chastity. The result was not a blossoming sense of freedom and actualization. Rather, Moira suffered years of scarring abuse, both emotional and sexual.

Suppressing the Truth About the Problems in LGBT Families

Moira has recently worked on memoirs detailing the brutality of what she went through. Many of us with gay parents have chronicled the negative aspects of same-sex parenting. For the most part we have not had the public record that authenticates Moira’s case. People like Katy Faust and I were easily dismissed by members of the LGBT community. Gay parenting advocates accused us of lying, misrepresenting our family experience, and exaggerating or suppressing details. Often they nitpick about timelines (“Your mother moved in with her lesbian partner in 1988, not 1987!”). At other times they drag our siblings into extended debates about everyone’s memories.

Moira’s situation is distinct and too extreme to be denied. There was a highly publicized prosecution of her father for molestation. He went to jail after her testimony. Her mother lost many devoted fans because of the public knowledge of her abuse of Moira. Sexual abuse is a sacred line that unites people on left and right.

Blaming and Shaming the Victim

So it stuns me that even in a case as clear-cut as Moira’s, people undermine her. This Twitter thread warns of what will occur once her memoir is published: A barrage of deflections and rhetorical tricks to dismiss Moira’s witness. The apparent effect is to protect the LGBT community. That community’s leaders argue baselessly that their homes are just like homes where a child is raised by his mother and father. In order to argue this, they must dismiss Moira as an “extreme case.” They must distort her motives for sharing her story. Turn her righteous testimony into self-indulgent bitterness, vindictive spite, or delusion. Because she was abused, some say she is crazy. Hence her testimony is the unreliable chatter from a madwoman. This hyper-dramatic and incendiary tactic serves to cloud the real issue. LGBT parenting suffers from consistent and irreparable flaws.

One biological parent is missing from her life, but not because of a tragedy. He was merely doing a lesbian a favor by gifting sperm. Or he also had other things in life that mattered more than the child’s daily needs. These are not little glitches or minor details. These are integral, inherent malfunctions in LGBT parenting.

If Moira’s case is an extreme case, then what are these pundits to do with all the non-extreme cases — like mine, Katy Faust’s, and Brittany Klein’s? If Moira’s motives are suspect, are all the CoGS (children of gays) guilty of unwholesome intentions? Consider claims such as this one on Twitter: Heather Has Two Mommies “IS a nuclear family” because it has “2 adults and a child.”

Blowing Up the Nucleus of the Family

Such a claim is simply wrong. Heather Has Two Mommies is about a girl being raised by at least one woman who isn’t her biological mother. And another woman who may or may not be her biological mother. It’s also about this girl’s being raised with a broken connection to her father. This is assuming there aren’t surrogate mothers or multiple egg donors involved. So it is not a nuclear family with 2 adults and their child. Rather it’s a scattered web of 3 or more adults and a child being cut off from some and forced into obedience toward others. All the events narrated happen before the child has any ability to process mentally her emotional connections or develop an authentic identity.

People want to deny these negative factors of the LGBT parenting home. They prefer to cast it falsely as the equivalent of a nuclear family. On the one hand, this means they do see an inherent value in the nuclear family (as opposed to polygamy, single mothers, divorce, etc.) In fact, all their denials imply a deep-seated awareness that something is wrong with LGBT families. Is it any surprise, then, that researchers like Mark Regnerus and Donal Paul Sullins find statistical evidence that children in those homes suffer? Is it any surprise that many testimonials by CoGs narrate what is painful, hurtful and wrong about these homes?

Frayed Connections and Casual Sperm or Egg Donors

Moira Greyland Peat is heroic and utterly justified in chronicling what she went through in an LGBT home. She should and I hope will make clear that this is not an aberrant, haywire example. Hers is a lucid illustration of what goes wrong in LGBT homes because of the frayed connections which alone make the arrangement possible. Non-related adults brought into the home are often not welcomed emotionally by the child. They react with the emotional response of someone who feels rejected by a child but does not feel the child’s own pain in a purely empathetic way. The adult places her sex life over the child’s ties to a father and need for a father figure. So she is likely to be someone who places her sex life before the obligations that other people view as primary. Hence this is a perfect recipe for abuse.

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The child’s plight is complicated by her sense of abandonment. One biological parent is missing from her life, but not because of a tragedy. He was merely doing a lesbian a favor by gifting sperm. Or he also had other things in life that mattered more than the child’s daily needs. These are not little glitches or minor details. These are integral, inherent malfunctions in LGBT parenting. The abuse chronicled by Moira Greyland Peat may resemble abuse that occurs in bad homes that are not led by gay adults. Still, her abuse happened in a gay home. Homosexuality colored much of her experience. It colored the experience of other CoGs.

The Cycle of Abuse

To bring the nastiness to a crescendo, someone has tweeted a Photoshopped image of Moira Greyland Peat. In it she plays her harp in a lascivious leather outfit. The image implies she is herself perverted and motivated by exhibitionism or some other debauchery. It completes the cycle of abuse that CoGs have to be put through. Their childhood homes were fashioned out of social experimentation, liberal delusions and covetousness. Their guardians wanted their pleasure while still mimicking the unfair advantages held by people who have sex with the opposite sex. From the beginning, their households are part fishbowl for popular spectacle, part crypt of hidden horrors. They have to keep up appearances. But the problems must at all costs be kept from the public’s eye. Or else you might harm the all-important LGBT community.

I hope Moira Greyland Peat does not back down. She speaks for thousands of us.

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  • Patmos

    I grew up with an absent father, and while there was no abuse beyond the neglect and there weren’t any major issues, it left me with baggage to about the age of 25 when I started to sort through everything. One thing I know with a certainty is that another mother would not have helped me one bit.

    The LGBT Movement is just so wrong on so many levels.

    • Deplorable Rican ☨ʳᵉᵈᵉᵉᵐᵉᵈ

      I has a father who was completely uninvolved in my life and a abusive mother..the baggage is significant. I can’t even imagine the damage Moira suffered adding in the perverse mind set of her “parents.”

  • GPS Daddy

    While being wounded by your mother is hard, the father wound is especially bad. Can it be that the lion share of the problems we are dealing with in the US is a result of the father wound?

    • Shaune Scott

      Yes! I think the root cause of many of our societal woes stems from fatherlessness. Children fathers to be resonsible men for them. Boys need men they can emulate; girls need men to model what respectful behavior is between men and women. Look at our prisons full of men with absent fathers. SMH

      • GPS Daddy

        I think there are three major hits that the American culture has taken over the past 100 years that has destroyed fatherhood:

        1. The rise of corporate American. Fathers go to work leaving their kids alone for most of the time. The time demanded by corporate American is leaving kids without fathers.

        2. The wars the US has fought has left the scars of PTSD running rampant through our society. A father who been in war, especially in the army or marines, who has PTSD will scar his children for life if not dealt with forthrightly.

        3. The media portraying men as bafoons.

        Thoughts?

        • Shaune Scott

          The simple fact of paternal absence sets up a whole series of dominoes. There is treatment for PTSD, but is there treatment for single motherhood, which is made attractive through government programs that reward fatherless households? Also, back in the day, even when fathers worked long hours to provide for their families, mothers were at home. That is no longer the case in too many families.

  • Deplorable Rican ☨ʳᵉᵈᵉᵉᵐᵉᵈ

    Moira is a HERO!

  • Evangeline1031

    Statistically, data has proven that one of the most high risk factors in a child’s life is to have an unrelated male live in the home, which is why so many boyfriends kill their girlfriends child, especially a young male. So it makes sense that there would be a negative outcome from this social experimentation with children. It’s all so easy for most people to just go along with this disordered creation, after all, their childhood is over and it’s not THEM, but it is a child. No one can stop people from having children even when the goal is to exact revenge on society, but where it can be stopped is gay adoption. We have heard enough about these situations and even the sexual abuse that happens to cause a rational society to realize it has gone too far and has now put children at great risk. God help all children today. Adults are morbidly selfish and children are merely pawns in a sick game.

    • Jenn Johnson

      What are the rates of sexual abuse in a heterosexual home vs the sexual abuse in a homosexual household. I feel very bad for Moira but I am not understanding how 1 or 2 instances defends this accusation. I am trying to figure out how the accusation of having 2 parents of same sex increases the sexual abuse risk.

  • The bottom line is, the first covenant mentioned in the Bible is that of a union between a man and a woman. Everything else is basically ignorance or self imposed stupidity. We are male or female and NOTHING humans try to do will change that. Jesus CLEARLY declared homosexuality as wrong and would be treated as sin worthy of hell. Those who “struggle” with the feelings, need to seek help, because they aren’t going to change the Fathers or the Sons mind.

    • Eleanor Cummings

      Corinthians 6: 9 – 10
      9 Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived. Neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor homosexuals, nor sodomites, 10 nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners will inherit the kingdom of God.

  • Jill Rinn Robbins

    Dr Lopez, please employ security at your public appearances. I fear for your safety.Truth is dangerous in our society. Think and pray about it, and a bullet proof vest also. GOD BLESS YOU ! .

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