The  story of Yvette Castillo is a testament of God’s love and pursuit of his children — even children who, like Yvette, have struggled with drugs, alcohol, promiscuity, abortions, suicidal thoughts and even a pact with the devil.

Lasting Pain and a Pact with the Devil

Yvette was 3 years old when she was molested. As Yvette tells her own story on YouTube, her alcoholic father and “disappointing” mother failed to protect her, and the act of selfishness that took her innocence set her up for a life of self-destruction, Yvette said in her testimony on YouTube.

One day, alone in her bedroom, Yvette invoked satanic power. “I said, ‘Give me the power to hurt everyone, to stop people from messing with me. … I didn’t know that I was making a pact with the devil. I knew who I was talking to, but I didn’t know how serious it was.”

Her life spiraled downhill from there. She began cutting, using drugs, fighting at school and disrespecting teachers. Given multiple opportunities to change, she refused each time. At 14 years old she gave birth to her first child — but being a new parent couldn’t change her. “Not even my child stopped me from doing bad things,” she says. “It was a force that had taken over me, and nobody could stop me.”

She became involved with an abusive boyfriend — and says she felt like she deserved every hit. She had two abortions; then one day her boyfriend kicked her out and she became homeless. Pregnant once again, Yvette continued to use drugs and drink alcohol. She ended up in a crack house where she was raped. “I was trusting the drugs instead of trusting God to make me happy. I thought it was an easier solution, but it wasn’t.”

No Heart

“I no longer had a heart,” she says.  “I couldn’t love my kids, I couldn’t love myself. I was so drained.”

A new boyfriend accepted Christ and began attending church. He asked Yvette to go with him. For a while she went, but became disenchanted with “older Christians whose lives she thought didn’t align with Jesus’ teachings.” She left the church and Christianity — saying, “God I’m sorry, but this is not going to work.”

“Little did I know that this was the enemy messing with me. I ran from God for five years.”

Yvette returned to her partying ways, but soon experienced depression, anxiety and panic attacks. She began hearing voices. At one point she heard the devil laughing: “This is where I wanted you. We’re going to destroy you and your children.”

‘You and God are Good’

In this moment of desperation Yvette cried out to God. She returned to church, initially thinking she would just drop off her teenage daughter, who was also struggling. Convinced by friends to stay, Yvette ended up walking to the altar following the service for prayer. Out of the blue, the preacher came up to her and said, “God just wants you to know that you and Him are good. He doesn’t hold anything against you.”

Those words broke through the hardness of her heart and tears rolled down her face. “I felt so much lighter. It was crazy. Something awoke inside of me that God spoke to me and said, ‘I love you.’” She cried out, “I’m sorry God!”

But a real moment of surrender came on a Thursday morning as she walked in a park. After years of struggling with drugs and praying for deliverance, she felt the atmosphere change. “Something spoke to me: ‘Worship God. Lift up your hands and worship God.’ That voice kept coming and got so overwhelming.” She looked around and felt embarrassed, but did it anyway. “As soon as I lifted up my hands, something began to happen. I started to cry and couldn’t stop crying. I started feeling the presence of God, his holiness, his love, his mercy. It was like I wasn’t even at the park. I was in front of His throne. It was God.”

A New Creation

She says God’s forgiveness and mercy were beautiful to her then, that God truly made her into a new creation. “God told me: You are no longer bound to sin, to addiction, to anxiety. I have rescued you from darkness.” She envisioned Jesus descending and wrapping her in His robe. “When I saw that, I was in tears because I knew that God had made me clean,” she said, “It was such a beautiful experience.”

Yvette went home and threw out all of her drugs. She had no desire for them anymore — in fact, they made her nauseated. “Never am I going to put that inside of my body again. I’ve abused the temple of the Holy Spirit. God delivered me. God brought me back even stronger.”

“His grace … I didn’t deserve it. I didn’t deserve His love, I didn’t deserve His grace,” she says. “Even though I walked away from God, God loved me so much that He brought me back again.”