Forgiveness: A Pathway to Healing

Harboring resentments against others will compromise our spiritual condition.

By Nancy Flory Published on February 24, 2017

In January, an evangelical pastor in Brazil was praying for parishioners when a man in the crowd suddenly attacked him, stabbing him in the neck repeatedly. “We are in shock,” said a witness. “We could never have imagined that such a thing could happen in church….” And yet, Pastor Valdemiro Santiago, 53, has extended forgiveness to the man. “May God bless and forgive the person who did this,” the pastor said via a Facebook post. The man is held on charges of attempted murder.

Could we forgive in this case? I wonder.

We are commanded to forgive. Even the Lord’s Prayer says: “Forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors” (Matthew 6:12). And further, Jesus says:

For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father also will forgive you; but if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses. (Matthew 6:14-15).

The Apocryphal book Sirach explains in a bit more detail:

He that takes vengeance will suffer vengeance from the Lord, and he will firmly establish his sins. Forgive your neighbor the wrong he has done, and then your sins will be pardoned when you pray. Does a man harbor anger against another, and yet seek for healing from the Lord? Does he have no mercy toward a man like himself, and yet pray for his own sins? If he himself, being flesh, maintains wrath, who will make expiation for his sins? (Sirach 28:1-5)

As we extend forgiveness to others, it is extended to us. That’s a sobering thought.

Forgiveness Isn’t About the Offender

What is forgiveness? And why do we have such a hard time forgiving? Perhaps it’s because we don’t truly grasp what it means to forgive. Focus on the Family’s Rose Sweet said, “Most of us assume that if we forgive our offenders, they are let off the hook — scot-free — and get to go about their merry ways while we unfairly suffer from their actions.” Of course, the offender doesn’t always get off “scot-free,” as he or she may have to face legal consequences and a loss of trust, since we do forgive but do not forget. But in truth, forgiveness isn’t really about the offender.

“God is saying that it is in our own best interest to forgive!” explains the All About God blog. “A spirit of unforgiveness complicates and compromises our daily walk with God. Forgiving others releases us from anger and allows us to receive the healing we need. The whole reason God has given us specific direction is because He does not want anything to stand between us and Him. … Forgiving others spares us from the consequences of living out of an unforgiving heart.”

I can attest to the frustration and harm that can come from living out of an unforgiving heart. When an ex-boyfriend cheated on me, I became so angry that I spent my time “getting even” in very unproductive ways — and it didn’t affect him at all. He never knew. But I did, and my unforgiveness hurt only me for years.

Releasing that unforgiveness frees us even physically, explains Dr. Glen Mack Harnden of the University of Kansas. “It not only heightens the potential for reconciliation, but also releases the offended from prolonged anger, rage, and stress that have been linked to physiological problems, such as cardiovascular diseases, high blood pressure and other psychosomatic illnesses.”

Forgiveness Brings the Power of Love

“And whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against any one; so that your Father also who is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses” (Mark 11:25).

God is longing to have a right relationship with us — but he can’t when we harbor resentments and anger toward someone else. (This includes those resentments we’ve buried.) We need to ask ourselves, “Do I have unforgiveness in my heart?” 

There’s a story that John Wesley, Anglican cleric, theologian, and co-founder of Methodism, was once discussing forgiveness with the founder of the Georgia colony, General James Oglethorpe. General Oglethorpe said to John Wesley, “I never forgive and I never forget.” To which Wesley replied, “Then, Sir, I hope you never sin.” 

Generations later, a Georgia native would, in the face of hatred and violence use the power of forgiveness to change the nation. “We must develop and maintain the capacity to forgive,” Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. said, “He who is devoid of the power to forgive, is devoid of the power to love. There is some good in the worst of us and some evil in the best of us. When we discover this, we are less prone to hate our enemies.”

We receive God’s forgiveness and mercy, we are able to maintain a right relationship with Him and we open the door to reconciliation. We have the power of love. Showing mercy to others, even when they don’t deserve it, as Christ has done for us, frees us to be more like Christ. 

Beginning to Forgive

For those who aren’t sure how to begin the process of forgiveness, All About God suggests a prayer:

Father God, I need your help and your insights. …[w]ith your help, I fully forgive from my heart. Just as you have freely forgiven me, I forgive [others]. Father, I ask you to forgive me for hurting others out of my own hurt and to heal my relationships with others. I pray all of this in Jesus’ precious name and by whom all forgiveness and healing was made possible. Thank you for loving me in ways I’ll never comprehend. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

 
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