Finding Friendship, Heartbreak, and Healing at the LCMS Youth Gathering
It’s not often you see nearly 20,000 teenagers together, celebrating their faith and excited to learn about God’s plan for their lives. But every three years since I was 17, I’ve been part of the Lutheran Church-Missouri Synod’s Youth Gathering – first as an attendee, and ever since as a coordinator.
It’s been one of the regular highlights of my work in youth ministry.
But in 2016, the “mountaintop experience” felt more like a valley of despair. Barbie Quick, one of my best friends, had recently died of cancer, leaving two daughters orphaned; their father had passed away suddenly three years earlier. They and I – pregnant and grieving – choked back tears as a video celebrating Barbie’s life came across the big screen.
It wasn’t supposed to be like this. The Gathering is supposed to be about everything good in youth ministry and Christian life – not a reminder of loved ones leaving this life too soon.
Of course, God knows best. And over the years I’ve learned to see how He’s used the Gathering to reveal His bigger plans.
Heartbreak and Endurance
The first time I went, it was 1995 and I was a high schooler trying to figure out what I wanted to study in college. The “mountaintop experience” at the Gathering was the push I needed to pursue a path toward working in the Church. I ultimately earned a master’s degree in family life ministry from Concordia University in Nebraska and have spent more than two decades in LCMS churches working with youth and young adults.
That’s how my husband, Eric, and I ended up in Richmond, Virginia, where we met the Quick family and where our first daughter was born. Rick and Barbie were her baptismal sponsors and were there for us in every way, even helping us pack up and move to Atlanta 10 years later.
It was just weeks afterward that Rick suffered a fatal heart attack. We were barely able to grieve before it became clear that Barbie would lose her battle with cancer. And after she passed away, Eric and I were both obligated and privileged to welcome Kristin and Rebecca Quick into our family, fulfilling a promise we’d made years earlier.
In Hebrews 12, the Apostle Paul encourages Christians to run the race of life “with endurance” – to endure the trials and hardships of life just as Christ endured the cross on our behalf. That doesn’t mean it’s easy. Not only had the girls’ lives been tragically overturned, but the Gathering itself became a reminder of grief rather than celebration. I knew they would be hesitant to return, and understandably so.
Healing
However, when Rebecca had a chance to go in 2019 as a young adult volunteer, she spent a lot of time in prayer asking if God would use her pain in a beautiful and unexpected way. Once there, she was blessed by an adult mentor who had also lost his parents at a young age and found purpose alongside other college volunteers who faithfully serve.
Kristin likewise found healing at the 2022 Gathering.
Their experiences show the promise in how Paul says we endure by looking to Jesus “surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses” – like almost 20,000 young people all gathered for worship, fellowship, and serving their neighbors.
Adopting two teenagers wasn’t something I expected to do back in 1995 when I was seeking direction, but I know that God put me in that place for a reason. The decision to enter family and youth ministry ultimately led me to the Quicks, who became extended members of our family — and, unbeknownst to us, was part of God’s plan for us to formally include Kristin and Rebecca into ours.
I’m sure both Kristin and Rebecca will discover why God put them in certain places at certain times. And that’s why I’m excited to take our daughter – the one we had when we first met Rick and Barbie – to this year’s Gathering in New Orleans, to help represent The LCMS Texas District. I pray she’ll realize where God is working in her life, too, even in the most unexpected ways.
Charessa Koontz has served in youth and family ministries for 24 years across the US. She is also a coach, national speaker, and author of the 17 Questions of God series.