So President Obama is pressing public schools to start letting gender-confused, gender-denying and gender-opportunistic young men into the girls’ restrooms, and vice versa, threatening to strip federal funding from the school districts that don’t unconditionally surrender to his radical move. While many are up in arms, some are overjoyed — and not just the LGBT lobby.

How do I know? The Stream just came into possession of the following letter sent to the White House. (For those who can’t make out al-Baghdadi’s handwriting, a typed copy is provided below the handwritten one for your convenience.)

Dear Mr. President, (or can I call you “Barack”? Or even better, “Hussein”?)

I wanted to take a moment out of my busy day plotting America’s death to express my deepest, heartfelt gratitude for your Thursday night transgender decree. I know you are similarly busy, so I will be brief.

As you and your administration have gleefully noted in recent weeks, the Islamic State has been having a bit of a rough go of it this spring. A state of emergency has been declared in the Caliphate’s capital of Raffa, and your Pentagon claims we have lost 40% of our territory in Iraq. Your generals testify that our flow of foreign fighter recruits has dropped from 1,500 a month a year ago to 200 now, and we’re having difficulty drawing Westerners to the cause. Don’t even ask me about our 1st quarter merchandising numbers.

Just last week, I was praying, “Please bring more fighters! Please give me something, anything that will bring fire to the hearts of our brothers and sisters in America and throughout the world!”

Let me tell you, Barack, you are not God, and yet you have answered our prayers! You’ve given us the most wonderful gift … and just in time for Ramadan!

You — the President of the United States — have declared that schools must allow males to share locker rooms and bathrooms with our females.

My chief propagandist couldn’t be happier with 72 hundred virgins and free tickets to Hamilton!

You say putting captured fighters in a posh resort like Gitmo was a recruiting tool for “extremists”? (Ha! You should see our prisons!) You say a YouTube video even the director’s mother never saw inspired the Benghazi attack? If you’re convinced those things inflame our passions, then surely you’re equally convinced how golden your gift is — a freshwater spring bursting from the desert sand in summer!

Devout Muslims do not even allow our women and girls to go around in public with a man who is not her brother or husband. Yet you say she must share a public restroom with any male who even just says he thinks he is female? We don’t even want our girls in the same school as boys and you want them to shower together? The tweets and video posts write themselves! “America allows cross-dressing predators to prey on your precious loved ones!” “President flushes Koran down unisex toilet!” And most potent of all: “You must fight to protect the safety and honor of your wives, sisters and daughters!”

Who wouldn’t want to fight to protect the safety and honor of their wives, sisters and daughters? Who wouldn’t be compelled to? (Well, I mean, aside from you and your liberal friends.) If I wasn’t so giddy I’d be horrified by what you’ve done. Even the People of the Book are with us on this one.

Again, thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

Failing to act on your “line in the sand” in Syria? Helpful. Making a mess of Libya? Beautiful. Abandoning Iraq, dismissing us as “JV”? Magnificent. And now this — a master stroke really!

XOXO

Ila-liqaa’, or “Until we meet again,”

 

Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi
Caliph
Islamic State of Iraq and the Levant