This Columbus Day, Trigger a Snowflake

By John Zmirak Published on October 7, 2017

We’re coming up on Columbus Day, a holiday that seemed old-fashioned and quaint until recently. I remember it in New York as a day for politicians whose names ended in vowels to march from one cannoli shop to another. Now it has taken on new importance. That’s because it’s the latest entrée on the menu of a left starved of meaning, which is eating everything in sight. (If only they’d stick to cannolis.)

The left specializes in grand, sweeping, emotive gestures. Ones that briefly set agnostics’ parched frontal cortexes on fire. Soon they’re coursing with neural activity that simulates redemptive action. These featherless bipeds might spend most of their lives quietly accepting the desperate premise that human life is a meaningless side-effect of evolutionary randomness. Just slag cast off by a vast, dead machine: The universe.

The Fetish of the “Fearless Girl”

But give these bipeds the chance, and they’ll stage a Great Awakening of sorts. Then once they’re all “woke,” and they’ve done their share of bullying and boasting, they revert to sleepwalking through life. At least till the next chance to virtue signal comes along. Witness the frenzy, noted well in Commentary by Noah Rothman, over the “Fearless Girl” statue on Wall Street. Remember how that little bronze “feminist icon” bravely faced down the raging “Bull” on Wall Street? How many giddy feminists of every sex preened alongside it for selfies? How proud they seemed of themselves? Note how the company that put up the statue anointed itself with virtue juice. It had “taken a stand” for women.

Except that the story fell apart like a scarecrow if you poked it. As Rothman documents, that very company was in the late stages of a massive sex discrimination suit whose plaintiffs were … guess who? Women. So the “Fearless Girl” was simply a brilliant piece of pre-emptive damage control. Like sexual harasser Harvey Weinstein’s fundraisers for Planned Parenthood.

But what does that matter? The Facebook accounts of thousands of socialist-leaning Democrats with fat 401k savings are stuffed with happy photos. Political participation trophies. They’re memories they can treasure of “sticking it to the man,” over $7 cups of coffee whose beans, they feel sure, are “sustainable.”

Modern attacks on Columbus are often fueled by the work of radical activist professors who seek to warp history.

Don’t ask too many questions of these quaint primitives. It’s just not fair. It’s like yanking the beard off Santa Claus at the shopping mall, to horrify all the children.

The Truth About Columbus

Likewise, it almost seems cruel to resist these people’s big plans for Columbus Day. They have raised up their hopes so high. As PJ Media reports:

Violent left-wing anarchists have announced a nationwide campaign to deface Christopher Columbus statues this coming Monday.

Five Christopher Columbus statues have already been vandalized in New York City in recent weeks, according to Far Left Watch. In one case last month, vandals defaced a “larger-than-life” statue of Columbus in Central Park, leaving blood-red paint on his hands, and scrawled, “Hate will not be tolerated” and “#SomethingsComing” on its pedestal.

What is coming appears to be a coordinated campaign to destroy monuments all across the country on Columbus Day.

Is it fair to spoil their fun by pointing out some inconvenient facts? Do we really want to deprive these poor souls, bereft of genuine purpose in their lives, of a brief frisson of meaning? Aren’t we just knocking down little children’s snowmen? (My beagle, Susie, used to do that all through Highland Park.) I feel we might be doing that if we pointed out any of the following. (Thanks to the lively website TruthAboutColumbus):

  • Columbus has been outrageously slandered and falsely accused of the crimes of others. The record shows he actually sought to treat the natives with respect and restrain mistreatment against them.
  • Opposition to Columbus is not a recent development. In the 1920s, the Ku Klux Klan mounted a bigoted campaign against the explorer because he was Catholic, Italian and sailed under the Spanish flag.
  • Modern attacks on Columbus are often fueled by the work of radical activist professors who seek to warp history with a predetermined political agenda.
  • Contemporary attacks on Columbus are sometimes unknowingly influenced by anti-Spanish propaganda known as the “La Leyenda Negra,” which originated in the 16th-century during English and Dutch conflict with Spain and portrayed the Spanish as brutal and untrustworthy.

Here’s a fun and informative video from the site:
 
 

A Time for Triggering

You know what would be even meaner than pointing out facts like these? What would amount to running up to a bunch of adult crybabies and stealing their binkies? Asking one of them the following harsh, unfeeling questions:

  • Do you repent of the European settlement of North America?
  • If so, are you more than 51 percent Native American?
  • If not, when are you planning to hand your house over to the tribe that once resided on the land it sits on, and return to your ancestral home?
  • Do you regret the introduction of Christianity to the Americas?
  • If so, would you like to explain that to the hundreds of millions of Christians in Latin America, mostly of Indian descent? If we restored that Aztec human sacrifice custom, will you volunteer as a victim? We still have Montezuma’s recipe for human thigh, in chipotle sauce. (Available soon at your nearest … Chipotle!)
  • Do you favor returning every country that was once conquered and resettled by invaders to the original inhabitants?
  • So you agree that Israel was right to fight off the Arabs and regain its ancient homeland? That the whole Middle East should be given back to the Assyrians, Yezidis, Copts, Greeks, and Armenian Christians who once inhabited it? You know, before all those Arab conquests?
  • I assume that you also support the efforts of Europeans to stop their current colonization by Muslim Arabs with no claim on that land. Right?

Asking questions like these would be totally unpastoral. It isn’t winsome. It could trigger Ivy League students and send them running for their safe spaces, to curl up in fetal balls full of coloring books and Ovaltine.

Hey, Columbus Day might be more fun than I ever suspected. Pass the cannolis.

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  • I’m enjoying the thought, “What would someone from ancient times, say, 2010, have made of the phrase, ‘Trigger a snowflake’?”

    Great article even apart from that!

  • tz1

    We could go full Aztec, and drag the snowflakes to the top of a pyramid and cut their hearts out. Those snowflakes melt red? Bleeding heart liberals, literally!
    Any honest historian found that Columbus and Cortez (we need a day for him) did not find a nice set of peaceful people in harmony with nature – unless you count war, torture, lack of sanitation, ignorance, etc. as something worth preserving.
    An old sitcom had the women arriving to a cabin in the woods proclaim “where do I plug in my water-pik”?
    Yes, there were bad white actors. Though I would note they were mainly the english Protestants with their smallpox blankets. The Catholics converted across the southwest.
    We forget the old movie with Jeremy Irons, “The Mission”.

  • Patmos

    If you were to vilify solely based on kingdoms clashing throughout history, there would be no innocents left. This anti-Columbus campaign is just one of the many Marxist fronts attacking this country, one that strategically followed the attack on education, because after all how could they get away with the lies in the first place without first getting rid of the truth.

    What I don’t understand though, is how and why the little lemming leftist soldiers continue to press on even when you take the time to point out the truth in an irrefutable way. It would appear that “Woke” simply means immune to considering anything else than what they’ve been fed.

  • Hmmm…

    Yes, enterprising souls should indeed get moving on some door decos, pins, party invitations and much, much more to celebrate this man of yore. Hey, they’ve taken the pilgrims off PBS some decades hence, but I still had my inflatable pilgrim which I displayed proudly on my desk each November. He was cute, and it was earlier days, so he just drew oohs, ahs and smiles and the occasional John Wayne accent saying “Pilgrim,” but now, yes, I’m ready for Columbus stuff. You could make your party invites look like they refer to Columbo … and then do your string when the folks arrive. Oh yeah. We’ve been missing fun here … Hey, Mr. Z found this recording. Yeah, there’s more out there still. Be watching the library book sales … Somebody’s got to take up for him.

  • Howard Rosenbaum

    “In fourteen hundred and ninety two Columbus sailed the ocean blue “…
    In two thousand and seventeen conflicted snowflakes make a scene …
    “He had three ships and left from Spain: he sailed through sunshine ,wind and rain “…
    His statues standing under free skies are now bathed in red from leftist lies ….
    “He sailed by night; he sailed by day; he used the stars to find his way” …
    This is their cause ,we should have figured since left wing loons are too easily triggered …
    “A Compass also helped him know how to find the way to go” …
    So whats up next we’re left to wonder, where will these tools commit their next blunder ..?

    Happy Columbus Day – or maybe not ..?!

  • Cynthia Cantrell

    “This Columbus Day, Trigger a Snowflake”
    “The left specializes in grand, sweeping, emotive gestures. Ones that briefly set agnostics’ parched frontal cortexes on fire. ”
    “What would amount to running up to a bunch of adult crybabies and stealing their binkies? ”

    Wow John, with devastating ad hominem attacks like that, it’s a wonder why all my “liberal snowflake” friends aren’t melting into great big puddles.

    Maybe it’s because hit pieces like this fail to consider the tragedies incurred by the native populations when Christians arrived at all, and only serve as another canvas for you to paint another overly simplistic caricature of liberals using all the names you can find on your liberal epithet bingo card.

    But these kinds of attacks are part and parcel of Christian history. Demean the the people you don’t like by calling the names, like “pagans” and “savages” and “godless heathens” and it becomes a lot easier to get rid of them and take away their land later.

    And then you wonder why people might think you are “deplorable.”

    “But!” I hear you say, “we haven’t killed anyone recently!”

    Just ask any LGBT person how many Christians have told them they should be dead, and that they should more thankful for their “tolerance” because they haven’t actually killed them.

    Try not to break your arm while patting yourself on the back.

    Snowflake Cyn – not melting anytime soon.

    • Chip Crawford

      Talk that smack

    • Howard Rosenbaum

      Seems like your animosity & exasperation is misplaced. Yeah, even Jesus got “pissed” at religiosity & theological pretense. Those who falsely claimed affiliation w/the Master calling Him “Lord Lord” were told by Him to depart for I never knew you”. Others were castigated by Jesus as being spawn of the devil. Perhaps you should reevaluate against whom it is your accusations are made. Just may be that your indignation missed the mark & thats a sin ….

    • Zmirak

      I noticed you couldn’t answer any of the questions. ; )

    • Patmos

      “for you to paint another overly simplistic caricature”

      She said, as she painted an overly simplistic and not even accurate caricature.

      • Chip Crawford

        Nay … intrinsically superior people needn’t bother themselves with accuracy and certainly not answer any questions … but it’s okay now; everyone’s about got that puddle mopped up

    • GPS Daddy

      I have a native American heritage. But because I cannot prove it I cannot get any of the “benefits” afforded to native Americans today. While I think what happened back 100 to 200 years ago was wrong in many ways there is no way to compensate those that have been dead for at least a 100 years. As far as today, the native Americans have vast lands that they own. Again, I don’t get any of those lands. The only thing that I think is being done wrong now is not giving full control to the native Americans over their land. I don’t know all the issues there so I’m only going to bring it up at that level.

      I don’t have any resentment or anger towards how the past native Americans were treated by the people of that time. None of those people who lived over a 100 years ago have done wrong to me.

  • Haley Husk

    “Do you repent of the European settlement of North America?”

    To whom am I repenting? God? The Miami Indians who lived in Indiana before the Trail of Tears? You? It was unfortunate that a lot of European people came to Indiana in the 1800’s and removed the Miami Indians who lived, hunted, and farmed here. I obviously wasn’t alive then, so an apology is useless, but I’m not sure that I would make a holiday celebrating it.

    “If so, are you more than 51 percent Native American?”

    I am of Irish/English heritage.

    “If not, when are you planning to hand your house over to the tribe that once resided on the land it sits on, and return to your ancestral home?”

    The Miami Indians, who were predominately moved to Oklahoma during the Trail of Tears, have never asked for a mass exodus/ forced march/ execution of the millions of white, black, and Hispanic people who live here now. I don’t think that the Miami people have ever wanted to see the suffering and displacement of millions of people. I have nowhere to go, and maybe that makes me a hypocrite if I stay. I certainly won’t make a holiday out of it.

    “Do you regret the introduction of Christianity to the Americas?”
    AND
    “If so, would you like to explain that to the hundreds of millions of Christians in Latin America, mostly of Indian descent? If we restored that Aztec human sacrifice custom, will you volunteer as a victim? We still have Montezuma’s recipe for human thigh, in chipotle sauce. (Available soon at your nearest … Chipotle!)”

    The religion of the Miami was relatively benign. There were hundreds of different religions across the Americas. Some were brutal, like the Aztec, others were more progressive than Christianity. The Miami did not practice human sacrifice, and I am not a proponent of it.
    The descendants of the Miami living in Oklahoma today are most likely Christian. I think if you asked them, some would say that they love Jesus, and that Christianity was the one good thing that came out of the conquest. Others might feel more attached to their tribal religion. Others still might be entirely atheistic.
    I’m certainly not going to tell Mexican Catholics living in the former Aztec region of Mexico that they need to start up the old religion. But I’m also not going to tell them that they can’t be Mormons or Protestants, like so many recent converts. Religions come and go. Some are worse than others.

    “Do you favor returning every country that was once conquered and resettled by invaders to the original inhabitants?”

    No. That would hurt more people than help, and ruin the global economy for many generations. Recognizing that it was wrong for Columbus to declare the Americas as belonging to Spain, doesn’t mean that we have to destroy America now. Two wrongs won’t make it right. Maybe just don’t make a holiday out of it?
    The vast majority of natives are not asking for your dispossession. They are asking you not to make a holiday out of the Columbian invasion. Are you listening to them? Or are you setting up a giant strawman to avoid their requests?

    “So you agree that Israel was right to fight off the Arabs and regain its ancient homeland? That the whole Middle East should be given back to the Assyrians, Yezidis, Copts, Greeks, and Armenian Christians who once inhabited it? You know, before all those Arab conquests?”

    I have no clue whose lands belong to whom in the Middle East. Lands have been exchanged so many times over the course of history that it would be difficult to know what belonged to whom. That being said, I think that Arabs, Israelies, Yezidis, Copts, Greeks, and Armenian Christians have to right to exist without harassment in whatever country they end up in. Their histories are fraught with violence- unfortunately, I don’t think it will be changing any time soon.

    “I assume that you also support the efforts of Europeans to stop their current colonization by Muslim Arabs with no claim on that land. Right?”

    Palestine and Israel have a dog in this fight- everybody else has an agenda. Oil, oil, and more oil fuel much of our interest in the Middle East. Please stop patronizing me and everybody else by claiming that European powers care about the well being of Israel for the sake of the Jewish people’s happiness. Stability in the Middle East is connected the the price of oil- and European powers believe that Israel helps maintain the balance.
    I doubt there will be peace in the Middle East until every last drop of oil has been sucked from the ground.

    There you go. I enjoyed answering these questions; it was very thought provoking. I think we can recognize that the Columbian invasion was kind of a *very bad* thing for the natives in the US. We can recognize that we are stuck with the consequences, but we don’t need to celebrate them. There’s a huge gulf between: “All White People Need to Die” and “Hey, Please Don’t Make a Holiday Celebrating Columbus.”

    Full disclosure: I am and “old” millennial, with three children, and I live in Indiana. I am not a Yale graduate. I am not a college graduate.

  • JMoore

    Since we know from Our Lord that; “The Truth will set you free” it should be a Christian act of charity to help snowflakes out of their delusions. But this could be very dangerous for many of them, especially BLM, antifa, la raza types could go beserk and assault you for your troubles. For as truth sets us free, lies enslave us in real and Present Darkness.

  • Charles Burge

    It’s not even Columbus Day in Hawaii. It’s “Discoverer’s Day”, as the public radio host keeps reminding me at the top of every hour.

  • What Id like to see is copy of Christopher Columbus’ diary with English translation so we know what CC actually wrote word for word in his diary.

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