An Open Letter to My BFF Donald Trump
Dear Donald,
I know it’s been a while since we’ve had a face-to-face chat. Not since we met up at the Beverly Hills Hotel, just outside the Polo Lounge. Was that a decade ago now? I never got to thank you for being so gracious to my mother-in-law after she came charging across the lobby toward you for a photograph. We tried telling her nobody walks in L.A., let alone charges. Let alone charges in the Beverly Hills Hotel. Let alone charges in the Beverly Hills Hotel at a celebrity. But you know mothers-in-law. Three times better than most of us, eh? (You know I kid.)
Still, even though you had business to attend to, you paused and were a complete gentleman. I truly thank you.
Anyway, since we’re so close I figure you wouldn’t mind me sharing some thoughts as you head toward your next debate. Just between you and me, Hillary’s answers in that first debate created bigger openings than the Dallas Cowboys front line, yet you rarely took advantage. For 90 minutes, I felt like Sam Kinison in Back to School, screaming at the set like you were Rodney Dangerfield: “Say it! SAY IT!”
Here’s the simple truth of it, Donald. There is nothing, I mean not a single thing, she can throw at you that you can’t quickly turn on her.
The Counter-Punches
Props for the one time you did turn the tables. “I’ll release my tax returns when you release the 33,000 emails you destroyed.” But that is just a start. Pick any other topic she will continue to use against you.
“What kind of genius loses a billion dollars in a single year”? “What kind of genius loses Iraq, Libya, Syria … and gives Iran a billion dollars and a nuclear bomb?”
You’re a racist? “Judging from what you said at the last debate you think everyone’s a racist.”
The world’s too dangerous to have you as commander-in-chief? “The only reason it’s so dangerous is you were running things for four years.”
Your bankruptcies? “Your policies have left the nation bankrupt and our cities crumbling.” Smart entrepreneurs recognize when something doesn’t work and move on. Politicians like Hillary double down. Double down on ObamaCare, double down on the Welfare State. They double down and the American people double over. “Most people try to learn from their failures. In 30 years it seems you haven’t learned a thing.”
Your mouth? What’s come out of her mouth? “You told the American people you handed over all your work-related emails and there was never classified information on that system. The FBI confirmed those were blatant lies. You told parents of those lost in Benghazi that a video was to blame, but told your own daughter something entirely different. And then you called those grieving parents liars.”
“You called hundreds of millions of Americans a ‘basket of deplorables.'”
Anything from your past? “Funny how you remember everything about my past, but when interrogated by the FBI you couldn’t remember much about your own.” The confusion and memory loss from her head injuries sure come in handy when under criminal investigation.
You’re such a terrible human being? “Oh, Hillary. You didn’t feel that way when you danced at my wedding.” Your daughters are best friends. Her attacks on you are just a game. And America is sick and tired of the Washington games.
Her experience? “Really? What have you built? Aside from a huge bank account funded by foreign countries and eager businesses, what have you built? What building? What product? What private company? How many jobs have you created? Aside from FBI agents and political hatchet men hired to destroy the women who accused your husband, what jobs have you actually created? You jump on the couple times I’ve failed, but can’t mention once where you’ve succeeded.”
Put it straight to her: “If you’re as smart and accomplished as the media says, why do you have to attack me? You should just be able to tell us what you’re going to do and your past would prove to us you’re capable of doing it. But you can’t do that. You can’t even say ‘trust me’ without people giggling.”
Put the Clinton Foundation scandal in terms people can understand. “Ten years ago, your husband was making at best a couple hundred thousand per speech. Suddenly, the minute you are Secretary of State, foreign governments and companies start shelling out up to $700,000 a speech. Half-a-million more. Did his speeches suddenly get better? No. They were trying to get on your good side. And that sort of nonsense is one reason you are under federal investigation.”
“Meanwhile you were going around getting $250K a speech from Wall Street types. $250,000 to hear you speak? People wouldn’t pay that to hear Sinatra sing! People really paid $250K to hear you speak? You can’t even fill a venue where you’re speaking for free. What were you telling them that was worth $250,000? Oh, that’s right. You refuse to release your speeches. But be honest. They weren’t paying for what you were saying anyway. They were paying for what you’ll be doing for them.”
The Knock-Outs
Remind voters that women suffered because of her callousness:
Mock someone’s appearance? “You got a teen girl’s rapist off, and cackled about it!”
Remind voters that people died because of her faulty decisions.
She says she met those you wronged in business. “Really? I would have liked to have met Ty Woods & Stephen Dougherty … or the Iranian scientist who was jailed and executed after your staff blabbed about him on your non-secure server.”
Remind voters that in Hillary’s world money talks.
Cite the Associated Press study that showed people who donated to the Clinton Foundation tended to get meetings with Hillary Clinton. “Maybe that was Ambassador Stevens’ mistake in Benghazi. He didn’t cut a big enough check to get your attention.”
Final Thought
As a friend, I believe a great chunk of the American people are just waiting for some reason to vote for you. So, it is not enough to just hit back on her attacks, they want you to hit on the things that’ll improve their lives and the fortunes of our nation. They want to see you don the mantel of the presidency. That’s such a bigger thing than “acting presidential.” It is providing a sense that you have the strength and grace to pause from your own business to serve all Americans.
Be the gracious guy when Hillary comes charging, and America will thank you for it.
Coming Soon: “An Open Letter to My BFF, Hillary”