14 Super Bowl Party Lines for the Football Challenged

By Al Perrotta Published on January 30, 2015

You spend your Sundays attending church, reading books or hanging out with your kids rather than watching football. You can’t tell a nose tackle from a nose ring.  You think a two-point conversion is a new evangelistic strategy. You think Drew Brees is an antiperspirant for women.

Yet you are going to a Super Bowl party this weekend and you’re desperate to avoid looking like a gridiron neophyte.

The Stream is here to help with Super Bowl party lines for the football challenged.  Say these lines with confidence and you will stay conversationally afloat at any Super Bowl soiree.

You don’t have to know what these lines mean. Just sound like you do.

  1. “Gotta say, this party is off to a way better start than Johnny Football’s NFL career!”
  2. “I’d rather face ISIS than the Seahawks secondary.”
  3. “Someone needs to deflate Richard Sherman’s ego the way Brady deflated those footballs. Allegedly.”
  4. “Talk all you want, but it all comes down to who controls the line of scrimmage.”
  5. “You can never underestimate the importance of special teams play. Right, Green Bay?”
  6. “No thanks. Spicy salsa treats me like Marshawn Lynch treats the media.”
  7. “These potato chips disappeared faster than Rex Ryan’s waistline…and the Jets season.”
  8. “Eww … this egg salad has gone as bad as RG III’s career.”
  9. “Mmm … I went through those brownies the way Oakland goes through head coaches.”
  10. “Ugh. I feel worse than Scott Norwood at the end of Super Bowl XXV.”
  11. “Neither of these teams compares to the ’85 Bears. (Pause. Nod head.) Ahhh. Ditka.”
  12. “I just hope the refs don’t determine the outcome. Again.”
  13. [For the ladies] “Winning ugly? As if Tom Brady could do anything ugly.”
  14. And if all else fails, “You know, Katy Perry’s mom and dad are preachers!”
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