NEW YORK (The Borowitz Report)—As Pope Francis makes his historic first visit to the United States, millions of Americans are turning out to thank the Pontiff for temporarily displacing Donald Trump from the news.

As the Pope visits Washington, New York, and Philadelphia, people from every walk of life are expressing profound gratitude that the news media is offering non-stop coverage of Francis’s every move instead of Trump’s, if only for five days.

Read the article “Nation Thanks Pope for Briefing Bumping Trump From News” on newyorker.com.