My Boundaries Will Protect You

To a child, freedom and boundaries seem to be at odds.

By James Robison Published on August 8, 2015

— JAMES ROBISON —

My son, if you accept my words and store up my commands within you, turning your ear to wisdom and applying your heart to understanding … then you will understand the fear of the Lord and find the knowledge of God.
(Proverbs 2:1-2, 5 NIV)

To a child, freedom and boundaries seem to be at odds.

Rules say, “Don’t do this” and “You can’t do that.” Fortunately, life doesn’t work as children think it does. A father’s job is to make clear that rules are the structure of a family and to hold his children accountable to them. They are the boundaries within which children can safely learn, play, and grow. Freedom comes only within the safety of these borders.

One of the biggest mistakes people make with God is in thinking that He just laid down the law and walked out of the room. But God says He’s giving us discernment and insight — not just about our actions, but about who we are now and about who we are becoming. That’s what correction, or discipline, is all about — becoming like Christ.

I heard a story once about a little boy who was sent to his parents’ bedroom for some “time out.” After a few minutes of sitting on the bed, the boy entered the closet and stayed there for a long while. When Dad eventually came in and opened the closet door, the boy looked up and said, “I spit in your shoe, and it’s full of spit!”

“What are you doing now?” asked Dad. “I’m making more spit!”

It’s a cute story with a crucial point for us: When we correct our children, we must deal with more than just their actions. Their attitudes are just as important. A child’s attitude shows who that child is becoming.

I believe wisdom is being able to recognize that God’s commandments were given as protective boundaries, not prison walls — not to keep us from joy, but to ensure it. It’s the vision of the happy child playing in the yard rather than languishing in the street. There will come — and likely there already have been — times when your children rebel against the rules of your home.

Stand strong by remembering the purpose of your discipline is to free your children to enjoy life.

“Wisdom” is recognizing that parental correction is for the child’s benefit. The goal of discipline is not to break your children under evil requirements of an oppressive parental regime, although most four-year-olds seem to think so. The goal is to build safe practices so your child can grow in an environment of freedom.

If I need to make some corrections, I try to explain why. I listen, too, and if I’m mistaken about something, then I can accept that and say, “You know, you’re right.”

You can make a child brush her teeth, nagging her day after day. But if you help her understand about tooth decay, she may want to do what’s best for keeping all of her teeth. She may even ask if she can take a toothbrush to school with her.

One day I asked my grandson, “Alek, what’s our rule about the swimming pool?”

He looked up at me with instant recognition. “We don’t go near the pool unless Daddy or Grandpa is there!” he recited as if answering an Army drill sergeant. (In fact, he could have added “Sir!” at the beginning and end of that sentence and would have sounded perfectly in character for a new recruit.) He was proud to know the rule and to be able to state it perfectly. Apparently, we had trained him well. He knew exactly what his limits were around the pool, and I think it added to his enjoyment.

You see, he knew that we care deeply for his safety. The rule might have seemed — at least at first — like a petty restriction on his pure fun and enjoyment. After all, what little kid doesn’t want to run and jump into the water any time the impulse hits? Yet that would pose such danger! As adults, we must set the right limits for our children.

A good father sees his children as worthy — worthy of the time that discipline takes and worthy of the energy that teaching requires.

When you get discouraged and feel tempted to let your children have their own way, remember that loving them — your greatest blessing — requires much more than the easiest solution. Remember the goal — a child growing in Christ’s likeness — and stand strong.

 

Taken from the book: A Dad’s Blessing, by James Robison. Reprinted with permission.

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